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  1. #11
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    I'm a teacher and Im shocked at the unprofessionalism of her comments as well. I am always so, so wary of suggesting that a behaviour indicates 'x' because normally it could also be a symptom of 'y, z and a, b or c' as well.

    Every child who has seen a paed for assessment during my time as their teacher has required me to fill in a questionnaire from the paed which I send back directly. Thishas also been filled in my school psychs and even the prior year's teacher if we're early in a school year.

    I normally jump to the teacher's defence as we have a tough job and cop a lot of overcriticism, but in this case I agree to talk to the principal about what she has said as it sounds like she needs some extra training.

    FWIW I would not be concerned about letter reversals not resolving until the end of year 1 at the absolute earliest and even then the idea that is it an indicator of dyslexia is an outdated notion not supported by current research. And don't even get me started on the Tourette's comment!

    See your GP, get a Paed referral and get the ball rolling.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    The school won't give me anything. I asked them if I could see any behaviour reports they'd done on him and they refused. So I asked them to give me a letter outlining their concerns which they also refused.

    I'm really disappointed with how it's being handled. His teacher has only ever made passing comments but since he begun she's said things like he's got Tourettes because he yelled out in class, adhd, autism, because he gets letters back to front sometime possibly dyslexia. I'm just frustrated that if their concerns are that serious that they won't help me seek help for him.

    They do have a student counsellor that they want my son to see so she can assess him, but she's away for 6 weeks and once she's back it'll be a wait after that to see her. Then once she does the assessment I will still have to seek out an independent psychologist or paediatrician with her recommendations. I feel like it's such a long time to wait and the process of diagnosis is so painfully slow without other set backs. I just really want to get my son the help he needs.
    Wow I'm not sure where to start with this I never ever ever ever try to diagnose children when speaking with their parents as I'm simply not qualified to do so. I may have my suspicions about a certain child having issues but I never suggest to a parent that they may have a particular condition. It's seriously unprofessional to do so and that teacher needs some support in how to address parents. I'd be taking your concerns to an AP/principal. May I ask if this is a very young teacher?

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chippa View Post
    Wow I'm not sure where to start with this I never ever ever ever try to diagnose children when speaking with their parents as I'm simply not qualified to do so. I may have my suspicions about a certain child having issues but I never suggest to a parent that they may have a particular condition. It's seriously unprofessional to do so and that teacher needs some support in how to address parents. I'd be taking your concerns to an AP/principal. May I ask if this is a very young teacher?
    She's not a young teacher by any means. I've met with the AP and she told me that they don't have to give me anything to take to paediatrician and that I could not have access to his records.
    I was so cranky at our meeting the other day and it took everything in me to remain calm but she was less concerned with addressing the teachers behaviour and more concerned with essentially telling me what bad mannered, naughty little boy I have. The other day they made him sit in the playground to do his work because he didn't finish it in class time because he is too easily distracted. How is putting him on the playground with even more distractions while he is in tears and kids running around suppose to be constructive.
    It's a little bit heartbreaking, he's obviously struggling and all I was is to help him.
    I'm going to try and contact the department of education tomorrow and try and figure out what my rights are as parent in this situation and also request a meeting with the principal (that in itself is awkward as the principal is the teachers sister).

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  7. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    What the hell?! Why is this teacher refusing something that would ultimately help not only your DS but quite possibly make her job easier?

    The teacher doesn't mind throwing around various diagnosis terms, but when you as a parent take this seriously and want to seek professional help for your boy, she's all 'nup'. I am actually pretty angry for you. Makes me wonder if she doesn't want to formalise her concerns because she is potentially exaggerating what she is seeing.

    Have you spoken with the principal at all?

    What is your DS like at home and on outings - do you experience a lot of challenging behaviours?
    He can be really defiant at home and he will chuck tantrums still if he doesn't get his own way. He's also got poor impulse control at times and tends to get carried away with play fighting and stuff like that. I absolutely can see how if she's seeing these behaviours and worse that there is cause for concern especially in the classroom, I just think she's gone about it poorly and now not supporting me to seek help for him, I'm at a bit of a loss.

  8. #15
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    Default Parents accessing children's school records

    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    He can be really defiant at home and he will chuck tantrums still if he doesn't get his own way. He's also got poor impulse control at times and tends to get carried away with play fighting and stuff like that. I absolutely can see how if she's seeing these behaviours and worse that there is cause for concern especially in the classroom, I just think she's gone about it poorly and now not supporting me to seek help for him, I'm at a bit of a loss.
    My son is going to be 5 in 2 months and acts like this all the time. But he can still concentrate and sit still most of the time and have a conversation and have relationships with friends and has empathy and is kind and is curious and has varied interests and has control over the things he says. Is this what your son is like, or do you see elements of ASD/Tourettes, ADD in him? If it's just a case of him being defiant and getting carried away, and my pet peeve - not listening, then I think you have an absolutely normal 6 year old boy who maybe needs some help with paying attention and following instructions but lots of kids are like this. We get a lot of advice from his speech therapist and are given strategies to deal with behaviour, and there's nothing wrong with getting help (sometimes professional help) with managing discipline and behaviour.

    The school doesn't sound at all helpful and I think there seems to be a conflict of interest too if the teacher and principal are related. If I were in your shoes (and I have been), get a professional assessment from any one of a number of experts that can diagnose your son or ease your concerns, and especially that can offer you advice regardless of whether there is "something wrong" or not.

    ETA - what I meant by the last paragraph, is don't let the school's unhelpful and negative approach delay or stop you from seeking professional advice. It's a dead end with them clearly, and you really don't need their help in order to take the next steps.

    Also I would consider sending him to another school because their management of your child and of your concerns sounds extremely inappropriate.
    Last edited by witherwings; 07-08-2016 at 13:15.

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  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    My son is going to be 5 in 2 months and acts like this all the time. But he can still concentrate and sit still most of the time and have a conversation and have relationships with friends and has empathy and is kind and is curious and has varied interests and has control over the things he says. Is this what your son is like, or do you see elements of ASD/Tourettes, ADD in him? If it's just a case of him being defiant and getting carried away, and my pet peeve - not listening, then I think you have an absolutely normal 6 year old boy who maybe needs some help with paying attention and following instructions but lots of kids are like this. We get a lot of advice from his speech therapist and are given strategies to deal with behaviour, and there's nothing wrong with getting help (sometimes professional help) with managing discipline and behaviour.

    The school doesn't sound at all helpful and I think there seems to be a conflict of interest too if the teacher and principal are related. If I were in your shoes (and I have been), get a professional assessment from any one of a number of experts that can diagnose your son or ease your concerns, and especially that can offer you advice regardless of whether there is "something wrong" or not.

    ETA - what I meant by the last paragraph, is don't let the school's unhelpful and negative approach delay or stop you from seeking professional advice. It's a dead end with them clearly, and you really don't need their help in order to take the next steps.

    Also I would consider sending him to another school because their management of your child and of your concerns sounds extremely inappropriate.
    I certainly don't believe my son is dyslexic or has Tourette's or ASD. Potentially ADD/ADHD/ODD or something along those lines. He does have the ability to sit and concentrate, but he loses interest quickly if it's not something he likes. My main issue with him at home is the defiance, the saying no to my requests (like when I ask him to clean his room, or if we have to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to go), these episodes will generally turn to tears and tantrums. From what they tell me at school he is abnormally defiant, ill mannered, bad tempered, rude and disrespectful. He apparently calls out in class and fidgets/won't sit still. His work tends to get sloppy when he's in a bad mood and he's desk is always disorganised and untidy. They say he doesn't like to work independently (he tells me he doesn't know what words to write if he's writing something self directed) and needs a lot of encouragement to write stories etc. The dyslexia comment was because he writes his Js back to front from time to time and apparently he shouldn't do that because he has a J in his name.
    Believe me, over the weekend I've certainly been considering my options in regards to changing schools. I just feel like the attitude they have towards this whole situation has lead me to lose confidence in them.
    I will definitely seek out independent help, I will be calling my doctor tomorrow to arrange an appointment and discuss with him who would be best to see to take the next steps.

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  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    I certainly don't believe my son is dyslexic or has Tourette's or ASD. Potentially ADD/ADHD/ODD or something along those lines. He does have the ability to sit and concentrate, but he loses interest quickly if it's not something he likes. My main issue with him at home is the defiance, the saying no to my requests (like when I ask him to clean his room, or if we have to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to go), these episodes will generally turn to tears and tantrums. From what they tell me at school he is abnormally defiant, ill mannered, bad tempered, rude and disrespectful. He apparently calls out in class and fidgets/won't sit still. His work tends to get sloppy when he's in a bad mood and he's desk is always disorganised and untidy. They say he doesn't like to work independently (he tells me he doesn't know what words to write if he's writing something self directed) and needs a lot of encouragement to write stories etc. The dyslexia comment was because he writes his Js back to front from time to time and apparently he shouldn't do that because he has a J in his name.
    Believe me, over the weekend I've certainly been considering my options in regards to changing schools. I just feel like the attitude they have towards this whole situation has lead me to lose confidence in them.
    I will definitely seek out independent help, I will be calling my doctor tomorrow to arrange an appointment and discuss with him who would be best to see to take the next steps.
    A paed appointment and a psych assessment and even another visit with an OT will help you with his behaviour. I'm sure he is a lovely boy, but he does sound like he needs an effective plan to work on some of his behaviour, and that's not to say there is anything wrong, but things like for example, refusing to leave the house at a certain time and then having a huge tantrum.. There are ways to manage this, as well as the room cleaning. We had similar issues (I know my son is a year younger but his behaviour is the same in a lot of ways). We talked to the carers in preschool about preparing him for home time by giving him interval warnings before we pick him up. Prior to this, he would have absolute meltdowns when I picked him up because he hadn't Finished his Lego construction or drawing or whatever. Now he knows that mum is coming to pick him up in "x" minutes so he can finish one more drawing and then it will be home time (for example). So by the time I've arrived, he is already prepared to leave. This was at the suggestion of his speech therapist and after 1 week of doing this, he doesn't have tantrums anymore. We use the same method when we need to leave the house, ie giving notice and telling him he has "x" time to finish what he is doing or to finish a part of what he is doing.

    Being rude/ill mannered & disrespectful - these things can be managed with a rewards system and positive reinforcement.

    To be honest, all behavioural issues can be dealt with using the right strategies. So maybe your son has ADD/ADHD etc...? Will that make a difference to whether you do whatever you can to change his behaviour? No, but you will know what the best strategy is to employ.

    You're making the right move to speak to a GP tomorrow. The sooner the better, and same with changing schools. It won't hurt him to change schools at such an early stage in his school life.

    Good luck!

  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    A paed appointment and a psych assessment and even another visit with an OT will help you with his behaviour. I'm sure he is a lovely boy, but he does sound like he needs an effective plan to work on some of his behaviour, and that's not to say there is anything wrong, but things like for example, refusing to leave the house at a certain time and then having a huge tantrum.. There are ways to manage this, as well as the room cleaning. We had similar issues (I know my son is a year younger but his behaviour is the same in a lot of ways). We talked to the carers in preschool about preparing him for home time by giving him interval warnings before we pick him up. Prior to this, he would have absolute meltdowns when I picked him up because he hadn't Finished his Lego construction or drawing or whatever. Now he knows that mum is coming to pick him up in "x" minutes so he can finish one more drawing and then it will be home time (for example). So by the time I've arrived, he is already prepared to leave. This was at the suggestion of his speech therapist and after 1 week of doing this, he doesn't have tantrums anymore. We use the same method when we need to leave the house, ie giving notice and telling him he has "x" time to finish what he is doing or to finish a part of what he is doing.

    Being rude/ill mannered & disrespectful - these things can be managed with a rewards system and positive reinforcement.

    To be honest, all behavioural issues can be dealt with using the right strategies. So maybe your son has ADD/ADHD etc...? Will that make a difference to whether you do whatever you can to change his behaviour? No, but you will know what the best strategy is to employ.

    You're making the right move to speak to a GP tomorrow. The sooner the better, and same with changing schools. It won't hurt him to change schools at such an early stage in his school life.

    Good luck!
    Thanks so much for all you advice. It's really hard not knowing where to start. There's definitely behavioural issues happening, I will certainly be seeing this through, like you say the label doesn't make a difference, it'll just help with understanding it a bit better and implementing strategies to help him. I just wish they'd be on board to help me, that's my main issue with all of this.

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