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  1. #31
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    I have never had a nanny for an infant. The youngest any of my kids were left with a nanny for a full day was 6 months. So I can't answer that question. I imagine it would be such a difficult job that only very special and capable nannies would take on nannying high maintenance infants. All my kids were extremely hight maintenance as infants and I barely coped I couldn't imagine asking a nanny to.

    The child in the OPs case is 14 months old. Not an infant.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by sylvia1111 View Post

    The nanny has spoken to a child psychologist who is expert with children who has validated her that this is not fair to ask of her and that children adapt to however they are put to sleep with different people, especially if the parents admit that the patting is very difficult and not very successful and the experienced nanny has said this request is too difficult and the parents admit it is very difficult.

    Thank you for your experience and feedback.
    This 'validation' is just an opinion. I have known a few child psychs in my work and they all came from very much an AP/attachment theory perspective where they advocated instinctual parenting and tending to their needs. They were completely against sleep training.

    My point here isn't to bash sleep training. It's to say that this person is sharing an informed opinion and nothing more. There is no factual answer either way here, it's all perspective.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Please enlighten me exactly when a nanny can get a break when they're looking after a demanding infant?
    You've completely missed my comments in my second post and keep taking your comments to the extreme. Obviously, being a nanny, you know that there are days that are harder than others and you accept having chosen to work with young children that some days naps are hard and you don't get a break. That is a given. Your first comment was that in 12 hours as a parent you don't get a break so why should a nanny. And then you commented that a nanny can't leave a child to play with knives while they have their scheduled break. You're missing the point of what I am saying in regards to a nanny needing a break.

    But. This thread is about a 14 month old needing to constantly be patted to sleep when other carers, parents included, do not do this. I'm sorry but it is unreasonable to ask somebody who only has a child two days a week to do a sleep training method you yourself are not willing to do, because with stuff like this consistency is the only way it will work. If you use other methods to get your child to sleep then the nanny should be allowed to as well. Why would you insist on both child and nanny being miserable all day in order to employ some sleep tool that is obviously not working?

    When did I get a break while caring for twins from two months old? When they were sleeping obviously. But I was also allowed to watch tv during their many feeds, go for walks to get them to sleep, etc.

  4. #34
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    I've clearly missed this part... why do the parents ask for the child to be patted when they, and other carers don't?

    Or is this just the OP's perception?

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  6. #35
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    Default whats fair to expect from a babysitter re huge amounts of patting a child to...

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I've clearly missed this part... why do the parents ask for the child to be patted when they, and other carers don't?

    Or is this just the OP's perception?
    Her first post says the child is at childcare two days a week and they won't pat and that the parents admit the patting doesn't work and that they push him in his pram.

    I do also believe that she has edited out of her original post that she is not allowed to go for a walk or for outings in case the child falls asleep in the pram??? I swear it said that in the beginning but maybe my baby brain is playing tricks on me and it was another thread?

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  8. #36
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    Yep I did read that about not being allowed to go anywhere, it was there, it's not baby brain lol But why ask the nanny to do that when the parents won't? Or do they do it, but it isn't working well? I find the story a bit confusing tbh.

    As a parent that won't sleep train, I would expect a nanny to use gentle sleep techniques on my child without question. If a nanny wanted to sleep train they wouldn't get past the interview.

    It sounds to me like the parents do use patting but are having trouble still with settling. I still think the parents have a right to request and expect the nanny 'parents' how they wish as long as they do get breaks etc.

  9. #37
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    Default whats fair to expect from a babysitter re huge amounts of patting a child to...

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yep I did read that about not being allowed to go anywhere, it was there, it's not baby brain lol But why ask the nanny to do that when the parents won't? Or do they do it, but it isn't working well? I find the story a bit confusing tbh.

    As a parent that won't sleep train, I would expect a nanny to use gentle sleep techniques on my child without question. If a nanny wanted to sleep train they wouldn't get past the interview.

    It sounds to me like the parents do use patting but are having trouble still with settling. I still think the parents have a right to request and expect the nanny 'parents' how they wish as long as they do get breaks etc.
    Your nanny should definitely have a similar parenting philosophy to you and be on the same page, like a pp said, communication is key. I've had several parents go to sleep school or sleep train so have had to do various different settling techniques and schedules---but EVERYONE followed it. I wasn't the only one expected to work magic. Therefore any extreme techniques like excessive patting were only used beyond a few days. But I was also blessed with kids that were always much easier for me than their parents so rarely had to do much in regards to settling.

    To me though, not being allowed to go for walks or outings and expected to sit there and pat endlessly and not have it work sounds like a pretty miserable day and I would end up quitting fairly quickly. I think the parents need to change their expectations if they want to find a nanny that enjoys being part of their family and therefore becomes an invaluable and helpful part of their lives.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 07-08-2016 at 19:09.

  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    To me though, not being allowed to go for walks or outings and expected to sit there and pat endlessly and not have it work sounds like a pretty miserable day and I would end up quitting fairly quickly. I think the parents the parents need to change their expectations if they want to find a nanny that enjoys being part of their family and therefore becomes an invaluable part of their lives.
    Yep I do agree.

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  12. #39
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    Default whats fair to expect from a babysitter re huge amounts of patting a child to...

    I'm not having a go @sylvia1111 but please don't edit your original post after others have responded.
    I would usually let it slide but this is not the first time.
    It has the potential to affect someone's response and also make those responding look like idiots 😊
    I know because it happened to me once where you edited a lot out of the original post and made my response look really bad and presumptuous. I was a bit upset.

    Please don't take this the wrong way. Thank you
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 07-08-2016 at 20:10.

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  14. #40
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    Absolutely a very valid point and very nicely expressed. No offence taken. i appreciated the responses based on my first post. But i edited because it was way too long and took me a few times to try to make it easier for others to read, briefer and easier for others to see the real question to respond to . Otherwise more than 100 people tried to read it but probably didnt manage to and didnt respond, as it was simply too long. i needed to find a way to make it shorter and clearer in order for people to read and respond to it.


 

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