Both my kids dropped the day sleep at 2. If the baby sitter can't cope without a rest what happens when the child drops its day sleep?
People genuinely expect a nanny to never have a break? Really? Obviously this break happens while the kids are sleeping or resting but I find the comments that a parent doesn't get a break so why should a nanny a bit rich. I was a nanny for 13 years and a parent now. Thank god I had parents that valued my role and that I was a human that needed a moment to myself sometimes or else my relationship with them or the children would have been very strained and subsequently probably non-existent.
That said, I do obviously do what needs to be done to get the child to sleep and I expect the parents to do the same. It's also true that children are often completely different for a nanny than they are for their parents so I've rarely had to put in effort to get a child to sleep and have been able to get a break, thank god. That break is also my only break in a 12 hour day so a nanny is often doing more hours in a row with no reprieve than others are. We usually cook meals and tidy during part of the nap and then relax after that.
The woman does deserve a break but she also needs to do what is expected of her. Op, chances are after a couple days of you patting he won't need you to anymore and you will get a break. Also, can't you just sit on the floor with your arm through the bars?
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-08-2016 at 04:31.
Most nannies are pretty flexible and wouldn't stop with every 3 hours and just walk outside to have a break. I've hired heaps and I expect they have it when the child's asleep or having quiet time.
I agree finding down time as a nanny would be hard. I think it's unfair though for people to say they wouldn't get any.
Last edited by Sonja; 06-08-2016 at 02:02.
I don't think anyobe is saying a nanny or babysitter doesnt deserve a break - just that the reality and practicality of working with children is that you dont always get a break. You can't put down a bottle mid-feed & say 'sorry baby. I'm on break now. I'll be back in 10mins'. & walk out and leave the baby, lol. You work breaks in when you can. If the baby is sleeping, obviously you would takr a break then. If the baby is sick or teething or having trouble sleeping like this baby, the reality is you might not get the break. Or you wait until the are playing quietly, or put tv on for 20 mins. I am a teacher. We can't just leave the kids unsupervised in the day. I cant say 'sorry kids. Im on break now. See you in 30 mins, take care of yourselves in the meantime, and good luck!' I often have to do duty at lunch time, or if the weather is too hot or raining, I stay with the kids in class at lunch time. It doesnt mean I am not valued as a teacher, it means that kids need to be cared for whether or not I want a break. I know I am valued by my employer and the parents, but parents would be mighty p!ssed if I left their kids undupervised to go 'have a break', and I would be failing my duty of care. It's just the reality of working with kids. I'm an Early childhood teacher & have worked with kids for 12 years. So I get it. I know the feeling of wanting a break. But I know the reality that you dont always get one.
'when the sitter agreed to the job if it was say a 12 hour day then I would assume they agree to work for those 12 hours just like I as a parent must do.
They eat when the child eats and dashes quick to the loo'
I was referring to this comment and one other that insinuated it. Obviously the nature of any job, especially with small children, means there are times you're too busy to take a break. But there is definitely an attitude among some parents in regards to their nanny that they never deserve a break, that they're not being paid to take a break because a parent doesn't get one. Well we're not the parents, so automatically our role is different. I love most of the families I've worked for, they've travelled across the world to come to my wedding, my husband and son and I have gone to visit and stay with them, etc. I was part of their family. I will do what I can to make sure their children are loved, cared for and safe and stimulated but I still deserve a moment of space when possible.
And yes there are intense times when raising children is a constant 12 hour a day job but there is downtime. Otherwise there wouldn't be threads on here devoted to soap operas people watch and hobbies etc. I know I get breaks during the day when I'm with the kids.
Back to the op. I do think expecting your nanny to pat your baby to sleep the whole sleep for every sleep beyond a few days of sleep training and never going out for walks or outings, is too much, and quite honestly obviously isn't something that is working if it goes on beyond a few days.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-08-2016 at 15:47.
Little Miss Sunshine (07-08-2016)
Thank you for the feedback.
Its interesting how some experienced parents have said that if a child is known by the parents to be that difficult to pat to sleep then they wouldnt leave that child with the sitter
And that parents would allow a nanny to do what worked for them, recognising that children are different for parents and sitters especially new sitters and especially if its only 2 days a week and childcare on another 2 days cant get the child patting to sleep and the parents themselves say what a struggle it is.
It was also interesting that some wrote that as nannies they were never asked to put enormous efforts to get a child to sleep and that they were able to get a good break at sleeptime. it seems that patting to sleep for a long time when a child doesnt sleep easily or quickly for the parents or anyone else with this method and when the child is known to then wake after 20 minutes with this method and need the entire long battle again sounds like that wouldnt usually be asked or be fair to be asked.
it would be great if the patting was only needed a few times, but sadly the parents have tried with various experts and have tried this method and they admit what a battle and how difficult and how painful on the arm this method is.
its interesting how nannies and parents wrote that its important to give nanny a break and that most families value the nanny and give them a break so they can give quality reliable care ongoingly
and that this break usually happens at sleep time or putting on the tv. there are families also who dont allow any tv time for nannies, while for themselves they put on the tv to get a break.
The nanny does care and do alot extra and is experienced but the family have had trouble with nannies leaving and nannies who have been with that family expecting that for one child this age they will get a break to rest or study .
The nanny has spoken to a child psychologist who is expert with children who has validated her that this is not fair to ask of her and that children adapt to however they are put to sleep with different people, especially if the parents admit that the patting is very difficult and not very successful and the experienced nanny has said this request is too difficult and the parents admit it is very difficult.
Thank you for your experience and feedback.
Last edited by sylvia1111; 07-08-2016 at 05:45.
I just wanted to add I think can be unreasonable to expect a carer to do the exact same a parent would when putting a child to sleep- particularly if it's not working (and I believe waking up after 20 minutes is not working).
I breastfeed dd2 to sleep before naps and did the same for dd1. I knew my mother could obviously not do that and had trust in her (that's why she's looking after my kids 2 days a week when I'm back at work) to find a solution that works for her and my children, as long as they are rested and happy.
If this is going to be an ongoing thing, providing care for this child 2 days a week, I think it's important that the nanny finds a way that works for her- particularly as the op mentioned it is affecting the child's behaviour as the child is tired. I think she should also be honest with the parents about it and hopefully they can understand. They have put trust in her to care for their child, so they should have faith that she will do the right thing by the child.
Eta: It is important however they are both on the same page with the number of naps, so if the parents which to transition to 1 nap a day the nanny will have to work with them on that. Consistency is key and will help make the transition easier (mornings do suck whilst they adjust).
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 07-08-2016 at 06:45.
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