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  1. #1
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    Default 2 years

    It was 2years ago yesterday since I delivered my little boy at 19+5 weeks. No one in our family remembered his birthday. My partner did because I reminded him the day before..


    Am I the only one that is going to remember him?

    I'm so angry.

  2. #2
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    Nothing much to say other than sorry for your loss.

    Did you bring it up in conversation with friends/ family? They might not have remembered the date or alternatively might not have wanted to mention it for fear of upsetting you.

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    I'm so sorry. how awful for you that they have not acknowledged this day.

    did they definitely forget or are they staying quiet so as not to bring up painful memories? I'm sorry, I have no experience with this but am just trying to get my head around why they would not acknowledge the day with you.

    did they acknowledge it last year?

    again, I am so sorry for your loss xx

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm so sorry. how awful for you that they have not acknowledged this day.

    did they definitely forget or are they staying quiet so as not to bring up painful memories? I'm sorry, I have no experience with this but am just trying to get my head around why they would not acknowledge the day with you.

    did they acknowledge it last year?

    again, I am so sorry for your loss xx
    I'm wondering if they genuinely forgot. I have a shocking memory and unless people remind me I forget birthdays of people I see every day.

    If they are people that generally remember things then there is nothing wrong with telling them that you would like your bubba remembered, they may have been too scared to mention it.

  5. #5
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    I'm sorry for your loss, and that you're not getting the support you need.

    Honestly, it sounds crappy but you probably will be the only one who will remember him and this date with such significance. You were his mother, you felt him and knew him and loved him in a way that no one else could at that stage of pregnancy. Not that your family are being mean or heartless, but people around you who didn't know him so intimately will move on and forget a long time before you ever could.
    Especially if you've since gone on to have other children and are currently pregnant, they might not think that it's something you want to have acknowledged.

    If it weren't for the fact that I read BH and see threads like this and have learnt better, I'd have been exactly the same as your family and never acknowledged past losses out of awkwardness and not wanting to bring up bad memories. Your family are probably the same?

    I think it's totally reasonable that you're feeling angry and upset now, but if you're feeling up to it later, you could start a conversation with them about it? Let them know what it means to you and that it is something you want to remember.

  6. #6
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    I'm so sorry for your loss and I agree with what Deku has written. I guess we have to spell it out to people, even our own family what kind of support we need. I would want my little ones birthday acknowledged too xx

  7. #7
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    I just wanted to say both how sorry I am for your loss and I hope you were able to do something to remember and celebrate your little man. From what I can tell, this is sadly fairly common. My friend had a stillborn son (40w) in 2012. I contact her each year a few days before his birthday and let her know I remember him and I am thinking of her and the family. I mentioned it to a friend this year and she was horrified that I do this. She was of the opinion that it would hurt my friend to be reminded, I'm of the view that she will never forget but she would be hurt if others did.

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    BB77  (05-08-2016)

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by rusty22 View Post
    I just wanted to say both how sorry I am for your loss and I hope you were able to do something to remember and celebrate your little man. From what I can tell, this is sadly fairly common. My friend had a stillborn son (40w) in 2012. I contact her each year a few days before his birthday and let her know I remember him and I am thinking of her and the family. I mentioned it to a friend this year and she was horrified that I do this. She was of the opinion that it would hurt my friend to be reminded, I'm of the view that she will never forget but she would be hurt if others did.
    What a wonderful thing to do. Your friend wouldn't be "reminded", he's in her thoughts all the time.

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    rusty22  (05-08-2016)

  11. #9
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    I'm so sorry no one remembered your son's birthday. It was my daughter's second birthday in July and very few people remembered. It is hard to believe that family members can forget about the little people who should be here with them so quickly. You're allowed to be angry, I am angry too. I hope you managed to spend some time remembering your little man on his special day x


 

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