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  1. #11
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    I see both sides here. On one hand, it was an inappropriate text 4 years ago. I think you either need to decide the trust is gone and walk away, or work at trying to trust him.

    On the other, I would question why he needs to get trashed every business trip? Not only does it make him look bad in front of work colleagues, it tells me he lacks self control. Also given he knows how anxious and upset you are, he should be trying to reduce that anxiety not increase it. Like answering the phone at 9pm. My Dh doesn't go away much but when he does attend conferences there is no getting blind. He wants to get on the soonest flight home to get back to us.

    Has he made contact this morning? I'm also wondering if there is other questionable behaviour going on to make you feel he's still untrustworthy?

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  3. #12
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I also don't like the 'getting drunk' on business trips. On a business trip/ function, I would think it is most important for everyone to behave in a business like manner. I think you might need to get your head space clear, so you can manage your anxiety better. He needs to try to understand how the anxiety affects you, and he should make sure he does nothing to add to it. I wish you good luck, and I suggest you don't make any decision about your future , until you have a good healthy discussion with him. marie.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybloom View Post
    4 years ago my husband went away for work and got drunk and sms a women from his work (she was not with him on the work trip). He smg her sexy sms at 2am.

    Well today he away on a work trip with several work people including her. His last sms was at like 7pm. I sms him at 9 saying good night and did not hear back. I sms him at 2am saying I can't sleep because i am having horrible anxiety (and he knows why)

    Being a business trip he is probably passed out drunk. I also believe there is only a 20% chance that he would do anything

    But it's been 4 years and I am still so stressed every time he goes away and he doesn't feel the need to put in any effort to make sure i am ok mentally. He just says nothing happened he loves me and that should be enough.

    Well I'm sitting here wide awake at 3am with 4yr old and 6 month old asleep and I am thinking of divorcing him..... There has also been internet infidelity before we had children. I know i made the choice to stay/have kids etc. But now can I make the choice to accept that I am just not getting over this at all and It's time to leave. We have had marriage counseling but it's not been very helpful. I feel like all she did was tell me to respect the fact that my husband has made improvements and not just be angry with him.
    I haven't read the other replies.

    I think if you think "there is only a 20% chance he would do anything." Then you have problems.

    You should trust him 100%

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    If this was happening on a regular basis I would agree with you, but one time in the last 4 years seems a bit unreasonable.
    Maybe I got it wrong, but it sounded like VP was, not defending, but making light of her husbands behaviour.

    I'm not advocating running out the door, but there is clearly an issue OP needs to sort through, perceived or otherwise.

    I think we should support women, not men who act like children.

  6. #15
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    Default don't trust husband and want out

    Quote Originally Posted by ilex View Post
    @VicPark - all due respect, but telling her not to sabotage her married is BS. If I messaged my husband, he replies within a reasonable amount of time. This is not her fault. Telling her to not be unreasonable is crap. I don't know what some of you women put up with, but this is not acceptable behaviour, especially given what has transpired in the past.
    I'm not saying the DH is a saint. And I'm not saying that women should put up with crap treatment.

    I am saying that the OP's actions seem to be disproportionate to her husbands actions. I don't believe it's reasonable, in response to a single texting incident 4 years ago + Internet 'activity' prior to that, to continually text someone when they are away on a work function and expect a response within XYZ timeframe. I believe if the OP continues to smother her DH (frantic texts at 2am) that may drive him away.

    Of course, this guesstimate is on the assumption there have been no additional indicators of infidelity.

  7. #16
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    I wouldn't be ok with this situation. I don't think you are being unreasonable by being concerned. Your husband goes away, gets drunk and the women he used to message while being with you is on the trip. On top of which he has done other things online. That's not ok with me.
    I would have a very serious talk about building trust because his behaviour isn't making it easy for you to trust him.

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    OP - exactly what did your DH do on the Internet before you had kids? What did he text to he female colleague 4 years ago? Wondering if it's a clear cut "faaaaaaarrrrrk" versus something which a portion of female spouses may be ok with (eg p0rn as opposed to online dating).


 

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