Hi there, first time posting. I'm in need of help with our 3 year old. A little background info. My partner had his daughter taken by the department because his ex was addicted to multiple drugs, prostituting, taking drugs while pregnant and prostituting while pregnant. When she left the department was all for reunification. It was a long process with some case workers trying to delay the reunification but my partner won and the 3 year old came home full time on the 1st of January. We have since learnt that the carers taught her to be seen and not heard. To not run around and play or be loud.
My step daughter is toilet trained. We have seen her go by herself when visitors have been over. But when it's just us it's a nightmare. She will go to the toilet in the morning and then not go until she starts crying out of the blue. She's beyond the point of being reminded to go. She will flat out refuse to go until she's sobbing and we don't know what to do. We are worried that we will have to take her to the hospital because we fear she might have kidney problems. She'll even hold on during nap time.
We also have a problem with her eating. She will take 2 hours to eat a half of a sandwich. Tonight she refused to eat dinner. We believe that we shouldn't have to make a special meal just because they wont eat what is given to them. When she's told off or told that what she did wasn't nice she shuts down and refuses to speak or answer any questions. She does this every time she doesn't get her way. We don't believe in giving treats for going to the toilet when she knows how to.
An example is we were having a nice chat in the car when she all of a sudden told her father to shut up. This of course did not go down well with dad. He told her that what she said was very rude and naughty. Cue the shut down and not say anything, even when asked to apologise. The kids were getting treats that afternoon so we told her that her brother is still getting her treat but she is not because she was rude to daddy. And the tears. If she doesn't get her way or get what she wants she goes stone cold silent. Even when we have put her on the step for time out and we ask her if she knows why she is there or if she wants to get off the step all we get is silence.
We need help.