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  1. #1
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    Default Not a chore

    Hi all,

    So am TTC #1, 6 months of causal trying and this month starting tracking and planning DTD with ov. I am trying really hard to make it not feel like a chore for DP. Don't get me wrong, he is more than happy to DTD but as time goes on I don't want to loose the spark and it all feel very clinical and that we are only doing it to conceive. Advice on how to keep some passion alive?
    Thanks on advance!!
    PS. Hope abbreviations make sense, still getting used to them!

  2. #2
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    Do I just not tell him it is baby making v recreational time? Haha, even that sounds clinical!!

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    Default Not a chore

    (ETA- just deleted the unhelpful part of my post!)

    ETA: After re-reading my post, I realise that wasn't really the help you were after...! Sorry! If you just make love regularly throughout the month, (did you used to do that before TTC?) and take the focus off getting preg, that can help.
    Last edited by Aloria; 04-08-2016 at 20:11.

  4. #4
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    The only time it feels clinical-ish is around ovulation as we try to dtd 3 days in a row. From day 8 or 10 we dtd every 2nd day - which is good for hubby. After O, we dtd when we want (i.e. Not that much) so throughout the month it varies when we dtd..for me this helps.

    My DH loves lingerie so I must admit I've been putting in more of an effort that way which he loves.

    My hubby doesn't want to know what my body is doing in the month but likes to know when I O. We also will use a range of positions but during O, we'll end in a 'good' position for ttc.

    My DH would be up for it all the time, but I'm not like that, so with us ttc, he gets more than usual and is just enjoying it...we are only 3 months in though. Hope that helps a little.

    Also you only need to dtd around O, but you want him to not have his swimmers stored up too long so you can find other things to do as well to keep it varied

  5. #5
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    We were TTC for 2.5 years and went through IVF in the end. I have to say, the romance never died for us. I don't know why. Maybe some of the things that made a difference for us were: we didn't talk about DTD as 'baby making' or anything like that, neither of us ever made the other feel bad if we were really just not up for it, we understood that you didn't have to DTD everyday during the fertile time. We already DTD a fair bit anyway - at least 4 times a week, so we didn't have to suddenly ramp it up to TTC. We also don't just DTD at the same time in the same place each time (i.e. In bed at night) we'd do it some mornings, in the middle of the day, in the backyard, on the couch, wherever! Jumping each other in the backyard instead of 'ok now it's time to make a baby' in bed at night kept things interesting Also, that way, if one of us was tired at night, it was no big deal, we'd just think 'oh well, we'll probably get a chance tomorrow morning/lunchtime/in the middle of the night

    I didn't avoid telling DH when it was baby making time, he was much more excited for TTC than I was so he wasn't going to feel any pressure from me anyway. I personally think deliberately being secretive about baby making time isn't a good idea. I found the excitement of embarking on the journey together was the best part - and it made me sure he was absolutely committed to the idea.

    We also did talk about our feelings in depth the whole way through. Exactly how we were feeling about everything. Our hopes, our fears, crying on each other's shoulders when nothing was working or we'd received bad news during IVF. We went through it all together. But we NEVER talked about it around DTD time, or when one of us had expressed that we weren't keen to DTD today etc. We kept DTD and sad TTC talk very separate.

    Good luck with everything!

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    Yogis Mumma  (04-08-2016)

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    I never told DH when it was fertile time. I made sure I instigated s3x regularly throughout my cycle, so he'd have no clue that I was ovulating,

    Also, I would put on sexy lingerie or dresses to put the idea in his head that he was going to get lucky.

    And DTD whenever we felt like it, whether it was morning, night, middle of night, or during the day.

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    Thanks for all the advice!! I spoke to DH last night about it and he said he dosnet need to know the specifics but to tell him which days are 'important'
    We generally DTD twice a week which is increasing for TTC but is helping us in other ways too, being more connected and affectionate which can only be good.
    Hill dweller, that's incredible that through all that stress you never lost the romance, aspiring!

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    Aloria  (05-08-2016),HillDweller  (05-08-2016)

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    We were TTC for 2.5 years and went through IVF in the end. I have to say, the romance never died for us. I don't know why.
    ...
    We already DTD a fair bit anyway - at least 4 times a week, so we didn't have to suddenly ramp it up to TTC.
    I suspect that might be the difference between our experiences - DTD was never that regular for us in the first place, so in TTC we had to significantly increase the frequency that we would DTD. Due to a number of other factors, DTD is actually quite stressful & draining for DH. So, combined with the fact it has been such a long journey for us (2.5 years) it is not all romance, passion and fun for us & often much more like hard work (pun not intended).

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    Aloria, sorry to hear it is difficult for you. Stress can always make things much much harder! Have you found things that help make it easier and less 'like hard work'?

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    Aloria  (08-08-2016)

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aloria View Post
    I suspect that might be the difference between our experiences - DTD was never that regular for us in the first place, so in TTC we had to significantly increase the frequency that we would DTD. Due to a number of other factors, DTD is actually quite stressful & draining for DH. So, combined with the fact it has been such a long journey for us (2.5 years) it is not all romance, passion and fun for us & often much more like hard work (pun not intended).
    I think that would definitely make a difference. Sorry it was difficult for you, that must have been hard. We were TTC for 2.5 years too, but yes, we didn't have to change the frequency (except during IVF when we both nearly choked when they told us we'd have to abstain for a few weeks during EPU and ET lol) That's just the way we are though.
    Lots of people I know who are pregnant have also told me they are not really interested in their husband touching them at the moment, but our frequency still hasn't changed. Shrug.

    But hey, I'm sure it's going to be a not so nice shock for us once our baby arrives and we're much too tired and grumpy!


 

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