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  1. #1
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    Default How did you overcome the hurdles of a 3rd & went for it?

    For years my hubby have gone back and forth about having a 3rd so we are giving ourselves 1 more month to decide. We both hate the constant going back and forth on having a 3rd baby and we want to come to a decision, whichever way it goes, accept it and move on.

    We would love another one, but the hurdles of having another shadow that desire quite a bit. How did you overcome all the craziness that a 3rd brings, or did you know that you couldn't overcome it and settled with the 2?

    We have a pretty small house and for the first time in a long time we are debt free (apart from the mortgage... but since we've got that for another 20 years I try and forget about it! lol) and we have a small little bit of savings. I only have to work 1 day a week with the option to not have to (but we then wouldn't have any savings). My dilemma is that our office is already in the small single car garage, so I'd have no idea where to put the baby/babies (We have 2 girls, I am a twin, my sisters are twins, there are twins all in our family, so going for a 3rd baby we have to be realistic that twins could happen.).
    Our house is 3 bedrooms so the girls share and one room is the playroom, if we had another I don't know where the baby would go lol the rooms are too tiny to try and put toys in with the girls beds. How do people make it work?
    We'd have to get a bigger car/new carseats that fit 3 on the back, I no longer have any baby stuff so we'd have to get all that stuff again.
    The whole baby sleeping with school drop off and picks up sounds insane too, the extra money involved in having another is crazy also.

    Can you make it work? It saddens me to think I will never be able to experience giving birth to another baby and having one grow up around me to love and cherish, but do i have to be realistic in what my dreams are, and maybe financially, emotionally, mentally, etc we can only have 2 children?

    I'm curious to know how other people went in a similar situation and what decision and why you came to this?

    (sorry if this was a long post!)

  2. #2
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    We have two girls with one on the way. One thing that pops out at me, if you are already saddened by the idea of not having another pregnancy, birth, baby, child then you will probably feel that way in the future. I am a strong believer in "we find a way" to take care of our children, you're both fit healthy, hubby works and you contribute also. You sound perfectly able to care for a third (and possibly fourth ) child.

    Things we have done; our two share a room and we use a corner of the lounge as a play area, we keep toys to a reasonable level to save on space, we live frugally so the money isn't too much of a concern (with the option for me to return to work longer hours if required - I currently work short hours like you do), we own a 7 seater car (4wd) which was a good buy second hand. I do have lots of baby clothes saved but will buy baby stuff we need second hand.

    So I guess the question it, it depends on are you happy to compromise to save money and space, or do you prefer to have more money and space, and fewer children?

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    nicolier  (05-08-2016)

  4. #3
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    I am probably in a slightly different position (I didnt actually want 3!) But alas after IVF 2 girls and 1 frozen embryo 'left over' we had a choice to try again (destroy, or donate) so felt the choice for us was made. We went again and got #3, a DS. Our family is more than complete - things are crazy as both DH and I have to work full time, but we wouldn't change having #3 for anything. We took the view that if it was meant to be, it would be. If your heart yearns for another baby and you can provide a good life for your children, I say go for it if thats what you want. Good luck x

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  6. #4
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    A big consideration I had when thinking of more children was what do I picture myself like later in life. I was actually very content with 2, I have 2 hands, we have one each, they have a friend and it's easy. But.. When I am old or even in a few years what did I want for my life. Sure we could travel and have nice things if we stuck with 2 but what was more important to me was a full house of people. I have always imagined myself surrounded by children. Times when they are young are hard but those years move so quick!

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  8. #5
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    I would just do it.

    Even though your home is small could you rent your home out and move somewhere bigger to create some equity? That is what we have done...

    I think you can afford it if you do public schooling, adjust holidays eg maybe just camping bike riding I'm not sure on income but I do think OS holidays is very doable.

    A second hand bigger car etc good luck

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    nicolier  (05-08-2016)

  10. #6
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    I have struggled with the idea of affording a third child. Thankfully we upgraded our house last year so we don't have the issue with fitting everyone in. Our car is also suitable but we'll have to juggle with seats to fit 3 across the back when the time comes.

    I worry about logistics and family possibly being less willing to help. I realize this is a luxury and others don't get any help, but I don't think grandparents would be so willing to take 3 during school holidays as they have been taking my 2 dd's.

    For me, the concept of a third is a funny feeling. It's not the same desperation I had with number 1 and 2. But I think about when I am old, and on my death bed (yes I'm getting deep lol) and when I look around I want to see all of my "people" and I imagine 3 of them looking back at me. Not just 2. So I guess we suck up the extra financial strain and all the busy-ness that comes with 3 because in the long term it will be worth it.

    I was fortunate enough to get a natural bfp this week, so I am counting my blessings! After having gone through 4 ivf cycles and 2 miscarriages to get my daughters.

    Good luck with your decision. Sometimes I think we sweat the small stuff and need to think of the bigger picture.

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  12. #7
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    We're the same small 3 bedder but then I remember people of my parents and grandparents age often had large families in houses smaller than mine now

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    nicolier  (05-08-2016)

  14. #8
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    We're the same small 3 bedder but then I remember people of my parents and grandparents age often had large families in houses smaller than mine now

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  16. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    We have two girls with one on the way. One thing that pops out at me, if you are already saddened by the idea of not having another pregnancy, birth, baby, child then you will probably feel that way in the future. I am a strong believer in "we find a way" to take care of our children, you're both fit healthy, hubby works and you contribute also. You sound perfectly able to care for a third (and possibly fourth ) child.

    Things we have done; our two share a room and we use a corner of the lounge as a play area, we keep toys to a reasonable level to save on space, we live frugally so the money isn't too much of a concern (with the option for me to return to work longer hours if required - I currently work short hours like you do), we own a 7 seater car (4wd) which was a good buy second hand. I do have lots of baby clothes saved but will buy baby stuff we need second hand.

    So I guess the question it, it depends on are you happy to compromise to save money and space, or do you prefer to have more money and space, and fewer children?
    Yep, that is the question and I have no idea how to answer it lol Thanks for your input though, I really appreciate it

  17. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by KitiK View Post
    I am probably in a slightly different position (I didnt actually want 3!) But alas after IVF 2 girls and 1 frozen embryo 'left over' we had a choice to try again (destroy, or donate) so felt the choice for us was made. We went again and got #3, a DS. Our family is more than complete - things are crazy as both DH and I have to work full time, but we wouldn't change having #3 for anything. We took the view that if it was meant to be, it would be. If your heart yearns for another baby and you can provide a good life for your children, I say go for it if thats what you want. Good luck x
    Congrats! It's funny because if I was told I couldn't have anymore children I feel like I would be quite upset by it, but yet given the option to have another baby I can't decide... dunno what to make of my thought process with that


 

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