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  1. #1
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    Default Should I have this baby to a man I'm not in love with?

    So I've had a few questions in my mind as to whether I should continue this pregnancy as I do not view bringing a life into this world lightly. It is a big thing.

    Anyway after thinking long and hard, I've realized that there is only one thing making me question if continuing this pregnancy is a good idea. I have wanted to have another for a while now and after being a single mother for 10years I've always wanted a little family, with a man I love who would be a good father. I would happily have this baby but I've realized its happened too soon in this relationship and I don't love this man. I thought I would, I have had feelings for him and I don't know if its because I'm 7weeks pregnant and everything he does or says makes me cringe or irritated but I was having doubt's even before.

    We were together 6weeks then had a 9month long distance relationship, we have now seen each other a month out of 3. I feel he is boring and serious and I don't think I'm even attracted to him anymore.

    I want to bring a child into the world with a family. I refuse to be a single parent again, I couldn't think of anything worse. It makes me sad because I want this baby but if I can't have a family and I don't want to be a single parent, then how can I go ahead with this its not worth it to me to live being depressed everyday. That's what happened when I raised my son, gave up my freedom through my entire 20s, now just gaining it back as he is older. Having a family would be the only way I'd want another, I hate that this man isn't taking my breath away. My partner is really happy that I'm pregnant as he doesn't have any and doesn't know how I feel about it. I was so sure I'd be happy to be pregnant but because of my feelings for him I'm not. He will never compare to what I had with my ex who was my greatest companion, I loved him with all my heart but didn't work out coz he was an alcoholic aggressive etc.

    I cannot reach a decision 😧

  2. #2
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    What if your partner gets the baby when it's born? You say he's happy about the idea of having his own child, and you don't want to be a single mother again. Just a thought...

  3. #3
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    I get crazy hormonal when I am pregnant and have a rule to never make solid decisions until I'm clear of that baby fog.

    Is there a possibility you two could co parent if it doesn't work out long term and you aren't being solely responsible for the baby?

  4. #4
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    Is there anything you can do to bring some passion/romance/love back into the relationship?

    Without going into all the details of "why", if I was in your shoes and the relationship was absolutely not going to work out and I was terrified of going through raising a child on my own again, I would terminate the pregnancy.

    But, he seems like a decent guy, and he may turn out to be an amazing father - and you say he's boring but is that because you're attracted to rough abusive men, or you think that alcoholic aggressive behaviour is normal? Maybe you could consider speaking to a counsellor about your issues with men, and that may help you realise the potential with the father of your unborn child.

    Ending a pregnancy is not an easy decision and you can't undo it. But the same with having a baby.

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    My parents met him and said the same thing. Hes quiet, and we don't have the same sense of humour which me and my ex did. I'm just not in love with him. I'm finding him unattractive right now but apart of me does think hormones could be playing apart. We never had a solid relationship to begin with as we have been in the getting to know each other phase still. Feeling sick everyday for weeks on end is dreadful, anyone who has gone through with a second child is a legend in my opinion or must really love their partner. I wish I did coz I always wanted a family.

  7. #6
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    Default Should I have this baby to a man I'm not in love with?

    One thing stuck out in your post.
    "I want this baby."
    I get that other circumstances are out of your control. But that can always change. You could end up loving this guy. Or find someone else wonderful. Or you could have your own little "family" without a man. Your partner sounds like he would be a source of support for your child whether that's in a relationship with you or not, so you won't be parenting alone. And if you are, is it really the end of the world?

    You really shouldn't make big decisions when you're pregnant- but ironically you need to decide now. But you're hormonal and probably a little bit irrational. And scared. I get that.

    But you DO want this baby, yes? The other details will work themselves out. That's my advice anyway.

    Good luck xxx
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 04-08-2016 at 07:42.

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  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aloria View Post
    What if your partner gets the baby when it's born? You say he's happy about the idea of having his own child, and you don't want to be a single mother again. Just a thought...
    I have thought of this, I think this is a good point. But its a risk what if he decides he can't handle it. Hes on pain meds and I question whether he's got what it takes. Also, he's from Ireland and I'm living in england, its a bit costly with plane fares. I don't know, apart of me wants this cute little baby, I know its going to be gorgeous but is it really worth it all, I don't believe it always is. I do have a history of depression amongst other things which is why I want to make sure I'm making the right decision.

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    Aloria  (05-08-2016)

  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emmalovesleo View Post
    My parents met him and said the same thing. Hes quiet, and we don't have the same sense of humour which me and my ex did. I'm just not in love with him. I'm finding him unattractive right now but apart of me does think hormones could be playing apart. We never had a solid relationship to begin with as we have been in the getting to know each other phase still. Feeling sick everyday for weeks on end is dreadful, anyone who has gone through with a second child is a legend in my opinion or must really love their partner. I wish I did coz I always wanted a family.
    "I'm just not in love with him"....

    I think you've answered your own question there Luv & pregnancy hormones aren't the cause of that.

    You can't make yourself fall in love with someone. It's either there or it's not & no amount of time is going to change it.

    For me...the answer would be a resounding no as sad as it is.
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 04-08-2016 at 22:38.

  12. #9
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    I understand the feeling of regret of having children with someone you don't love. My kids from previous relationship was with someone I didn't love, and now I've been with someone I do love for 5 years but we've made the decision to not have kids together (no going back either as he has had a vasectomy) I've accepted this but a part of me will always be sad at not having shared bringing kids into the world with someone I love and sharing that experience with someone.
    I wouldnt stay with someone I didnt love, However I wouldn't change bringing my children into the world.

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emmalovesleo View Post
    My parents met him and said the same thing. Hes quiet, and we don't have the same sense of humour which me and my ex did. I'm just not in love with him. I'm finding him unattractive right now but apart of me does think hormones could be playing apart. We never had a solid relationship to begin with as we have been in the getting to know each other phase still. Feeling sick everyday for weeks on end is dreadful, anyone who has gone through with a second child is a legend in my opinion or must really love their partner. I wish I did coz I always wanted a family.
    I think you need to stop comparing him to your ex. He's not your ex.


 

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