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  1. #31
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    It's the problem with being anonymous. You don't have a name to it, it's easier to be a blunt when you dealing with a faceless identity and I can understand when discussing things such as sex and fetishes that people become a bit suspicious.

  2. #32
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    I did expect harsh responses, but I've been on this form for a long time and I knew that.

    Glad I chose a new account too.


    But the last time I took drugs it was actually prescribed to me, but I drank two wines. It's states on the label to avoid alcohol.


    I have a baby baby to look after at that job is first. They are having a sleep,this is why I can be here.

    I know many many bisexual women who are married, they are decent people too. So they have relations with other couples. So no one is cheating..
    I won't go into the how this is done, no need for that.

    But for the moment this baby needs their Mom. Better be ready for when they wake up.

  3. #33
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    OP, I think the only way you guys are going to make it through this is if you can try and accept what he is doing, but set boundaries.

    I can totally see why the lying would be a massive issue for you, but you have to ask yourself why he is lying. He is lying because he knows you do not approve of his fetish. He doesn't want to be flamed by you, so he tries to hide it (obviously not well enough though).

    Do you think it's something you could accept if he promised to be more discreet? Or do you have deeper concerns about why he is indulging in this?

    Seems like for a while, both of you have sought sexual gratification outside of the marriage (you being with other people, him having his pantyhose fetish). If you can work on reconnecting and focus on each other rather than seeking pleasure from other sources, I think your marriage can improve. He will be more open with you and less likely to lie if he feels more connected to you.

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  5. #34
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    It sounds to me like your relationship has always been quite complex...and, OP, it sounds like you have largely dominated the relationship by pushing your DH in to s.exual situations he didn't want to be in.
    I wonder if part of your problem with your DH's fetish is because you can't control it. You've said no, but he's still doing it anyway.
    I think if your marriage is going to work you both need counselling...individually and together. Good luck.

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  7. #35
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    A number of points jumped out at me reading this thread so given I'm sleep deprived I'm going to dot point so it makes more sense and I don't veer off too much.

    * You say you are sexually adventurous, but from what you have written it would appear you are only so with your own fetishes/things that arouse you. Your DH clearly said he didn't like the swinging, that he felt it was cheating yet you say you pushed him to do it anyway. So that you could be with other people with his approval. Yet now he has his own fetish, you are not accommodating of his.

    * You say it's the lying but you also wrote to him he was creepy. That obviously says there is a component here that goes well beyond just being upset with the lying. You don't like his fetish. Which in isolation is fair enough, but I think you need to be honest.

    * I know he has lied to you and you may argue you didn't with yours, but that's bc you forced your DH into participating. Would it be ok if your DH pressured you to allow him to wear the pantyhose then he wouldn't *have* to lie at all? See where I'm going with this? Maybe he's lying bc he feels shame and your reactions have made him feel only your desires are acceptable?

    * I wonder if the lack of honesty about this fetish and the distance between you has been created by the past of swinging? I have a friend whose husband pressured her into thr@esomes and it came very very close to ruining their marriage and killed their s@xlife for years. She felt resentful at him, like she wasn't good enough on her own, that he needed other women. I highly suspect your husband feels the same way.

    Personally I wouldn't be happy if it were my husband, but then I'm not into swinging nor pressuring my DH to partake in things that he finds upsetting. I kind of think you don't have a lot of basis to judge him here, and that his lying is something you maybe need to take partial responsibility in. If you were as open with his desires as your own, he may well have not felt the need to lie.

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  9. #36
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    The reason why I fell I can judge him..

    As when I was doing IVF treatment, I promised to walk away from that lifestyle.. The child our relationship were more important.
    I would not partake in these activities at all.. He took the drugs at the concert too..None since of course.
    The same was to apply to him, as good for the goose and good for the gander..
    This rule also applied with other same sex realationships, not fair if I was the only person having sex outside our realationship.
    But he is not into men at all. So again not fair to say, hey you can only have sex with men..

    He said, he would stop his other activities.. Ive stopped mine.. He is the one is lying and being fake.. But Im the one in the wrong..

    The distance has been created by lies, by him.. Not me..

    After watching one of Louies Werid Weekends.. I tested my husband and said, how would you feel if I started engaging in that.. A solo dress up type of thing.. I dont need to mention it..
    He said yuck no way, would not be happy with it.. Good enough for him, but not me.
    So he also has double standards..

    I think it is bad you cant trust your partner to keep out of your knicker draw..

    He can trust me, not to hit on other women.. I am discreet, he has never had his nose rubbed in it. But ive heard him bragging to his mates drunk before..
    How he got a threesome for his birthday..
    Ive been completely honest, it was me who started us in this.. He has enjoyed it as well.

    He is also living by a double standards, you stop what you have done.. But ill keep mine..

    I will try to go back to counselling with him.. For the sake of our relationship and our child. See if he can finally be fully honest.

  10. #37
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    Default WWYD Lying Husband possible trigger

    Quote Originally Posted by someoldgirl View Post
    The reason why I fell I can judge him..

    As when I was doing IVF treatment, I promised to walk away from that lifestyle.. The child our relationship were more important.
    I would not partake in these activities at all.. He took the drugs at the concert too..None since of course.
    The same was to apply to him, as good for the goose and good for the gander..
    This rule also applied with other same sex realationships, not fair if I was the only person having sex outside our realationship.
    But he is not into men at all. So again not fair to say, hey you can only have sex with men..

    He said, he would stop his other activities.. Ive stopped mine.. He is the one is lying and being fake.. But Im the one in the wrong..

    The distance has been created by lies, by him.. Not me..

    After watching one of Louies Werid Weekends.. I tested my husband and said, how would you feel if I started engaging in that.. A solo dress up type of thing.. I dont need to mention it..
    He said yuck no way, would not be happy with it.. Good enough for him, but not me.
    So he also has double standards..

    I think it is bad you cant trust your partner to keep out of your knicker draw..

    He can trust me, not to hit on other women.. I am discreet, he has never had his nose rubbed in it. But ive heard him bragging to his mates drunk before..
    How he got a threesome for his birthday..
    Ive been completely honest, it was me who started us in this.. He has enjoyed it as well.

    He is also living by a double standards, you stop what you have done.. But ill keep mine..

    I will try to go back to counselling with him.. For the sake of our relationship and our child. See if he can finally be fully honest.
    It sounds like you want to control him.

    You opened Pandora's Box with him, you can't close it now just because you have said so.
    Last edited by Nomia; 03-08-2016 at 14:47.

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  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by someoldgirl View Post
    The reason why I fell I can judge him..

    As when I was doing IVF treatment, I promised to walk away from that lifestyle.. The child our relationship were more important.
    I would not partake in these activities at all.. He took the drugs at the concert too..None since of course.
    The same was to apply to him, as good for the goose and good for the gander..
    This rule also applied with other same sex realationships, not fair if I was the only person having sex outside our realationship.
    But he is not into men at all. So again not fair to say, hey you can only have sex with men..

    He said, he would stop his other activities.. Ive stopped mine.. He is the one is lying and being fake.. But Im the one in the wrong..

    The distance has been created by lies, by him.. Not me..

    After watching one of Louies Werid Weekends.. I tested my husband and said, how would you feel if I started engaging in that.. A solo dress up type of thing.. I dont need to mention it..
    He said yuck no way, would not be happy with it.. Good enough for him, but not me.
    So he also has double standards..

    I think it is bad you cant trust your partner to keep out of your knicker draw..

    He can trust me, not to hit on other women.. I am discreet, he has never had his nose rubbed in it. But ive heard him bragging to his mates drunk before..
    How he got a threesome for his birthday..
    Ive been completely honest, it was me who started us in this.. He has enjoyed it as well.

    He is also living by a double standards, you stop what you have done.. But ill keep mine..

    I will try to go back to counselling with him.. For the sake of our relationship and our child. See if he can finally be fully honest.
    Actually now I see why you feel the way you do. But I still think this is a compulsion he cannot control.

    I don't think even if he is honest with you he will stop. Without counselling I can't see a way forward through this, and even with counselling I wouldn't be confident if you don't really like him continuing with wearing tights.

  13. #39
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    And as for encouraging him into your former lifestyle. Sorry he's a grown man who makes his own choices. If he wasn't comfortable he didn't have to do it did he?

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  15. #40
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    But it's just underwear. It's not like he is doing anything wrong...


 
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