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  1. #11
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    Hun I don't think you are self reflecting and getting the bigger picture.

    You do drugs, he wears pantyhose. What's would child services think is the worst for your child's welfare?

    Please think of your child and get some help in turning your life around so your child doesn't suffer or isn't at risk. Your GP will hopefully be able to point you in the right direction. Work on yourself first, then your marriage. Hang in there.

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  3. #12
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    It's unclear to me what the real issue is here but it is clear that there are multiple fractures in your marriage that need to be worked on and healed. I'm going to step out how I'm thinking about it from what you've said.
    You have an issue about him lying about inconsequential things. I don't know why some people do this but certainly worth exploring with a counsellor to understand this more.
    I think the lying about women's tights is separate to telling white lies.
    He may be lying about the tights as you've made a big deal about it and he's embarrassed and ashamed and doesn't feel he can be his true self.
    You have had what many would consider a rather adventurous sexual history together. I'm not sure why wearing tights would bother you so much? And it's clear that it's not just the lying about the tights you also seem to have a moral objection to it ( calling him creepy). I think this is really unfair sorry.
    You're having intimacy issues since birth of your child. This is understandable but again something that can be worked on if there is love and goodwill there.
    You admit you have pushed him into swinging and you engaging In SS trysts and taking drugs even though he feels it's cheating. That's neither respectful or healthy in any relationship.
    I don't have any moral views about what two consenting adults choose to do within their own relationship but your DH hasn't been much of a consenting party to this stuff.
    Based on all this I think it would be beneficial to you both to seek some much deeper relationship counseling about everything that has gone on and work out if you both want to salvage things and under what parameters.
    It sounds like your DH has a lot going on in his head and opening up to a decent counsellor might help a great a deal.
    Good luck op I hope you guys can find a way through this, whether together or apart X

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  5. #13
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    No offence but perhaps you "killed" the relationship when you pushed him into having threesomes, going to s.e.x. parties and taking drugs when he expressed he wasn't keen to. I am a bit confused at to why you are so angry at him considering all the other things that have gone down in your relationship. Best of luck. Just don't forget about the most important person in this....your child.

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    Clearly he can't get over the tights. You need to ask yourself if it's a deal breaker.

    I don't blame him for not being honest about his desires if you've made him feel bad about having them.

    I would go buy him a packet of panty hose and tell him to knock himself out but he needs to be honest with you about it

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    Also the most important person in this relationship the child..

    Has never been exposed to me doing drugs.. I did not take anything during pregnancy that was not prescribed & also no drinking...
    I have never even had a glass of wine near her.. Neither has hubby..

    We have not engaged in sexual activity with her in the room, even as a new born.. Nor has the child been near people we ever have had intimate realationships with.

    Plus of course my pregnancy was more important than anything sexual with another person.. Simply not worth the risk...

    My issues is the lies..

    Also he has stated he is going to stop, but it keeps happening..

    I cant trust my partner, not to wear and jack off in my own clothing... And hey Im creepy... This is a huge massive trust issue...

    How would you feel if this was your things...

    He has been asked do you have something to tell me.. Nope nope.. And its not the truth...

    We have tried him, having his own things... It does not work..

    Im prepared to give up the other stuff.. My child is more important..
    But he is not..

    Why is this right..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Clearly he can't get over the tights. You need to ask yourself if it's a deal breaker.

    I don't blame him for not being honest about his desires if you've made him feel bad about having them.

    I would go buy him a packet of panty hose and tell him to knock himself out but he needs to be honest with you about it
    Yep this. If you don't care about him wearing tights let him wear them so he doesn't have to lie. If you do care and it's clear he isn't stopping you need to work out if you can move past it.

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  12. #17
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    You don't want him masturbating in your things but you keep forcing him to throw out the ones he buys.
    He clearly has an addiction and demanding he stop just like that won't work. He needs to see a councillor to work through it.

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    From your post I'm picking up that your issue with the pantyhose is 3 fold -

    1. That he's lying to you about it and given his tendency to lie in the past you find this hurtful and frustrating. It has further broken down the trust in your marriage.

    2. That you see it as an uncontrollable fetish, and that he has agreed that it's developed into an unhealthy behaviour.

    3. His fetish has negatively affected your s3x life, in that he spends less time wanting to engage with you because of it. And this makes you feel undesirable and unloved, and resentful of the fetish.

    Have I read this right?

    I don't think your s3xual history really needs to be brought into question here "he let you do x, so you need to let him do y" doesn't really make sense. If either x or y are crossing boundaries or causing damage to the relationship, then they need to be stopped. It's not a game of t!t for tat. But I think some work on respecting each other's boundaries and comfort zones needs to be a priority.

    I don't think that there's one party to 'blame' here. I think perhaps if you had been more understanding and supportive in helping him work through his fetish and why he felt the need to lie about it, then maybe the outcome would be different? But I can also see how hard it would be to help someone through that when you're not getting the full truth out of them, and you're feeling betrayed by their lies and resentful of their actions.

    I really think that this situation is beyond the grasp of an average couple to work through on their own. Fetishes are complex and can often become very damaging, in a similar way to addictions. You both need some expert help to work through this. I'd reccomend seeing a counsellor, if you want to save your relationship.

    Best of luck hun x

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    Default WWYD Lying Husband possible trigger

    Quote Originally Posted by someoldgirl View Post
    Also the most important person in this relationship the child..
    ..
    If that is the case then let's take the focus off you for a minute.

    1) How is your DH as a parent? Does his desire to wear tights (and lying about it) indicate a deeper issue, a personality or other flaw that may also affect his ability to parent his child?

    2) How are you as a parent? Is your pining for illegal drugs and desire to bed multiple people at any one time indicative of deeper health and other issue that may also impact your ability to parent your child?

    How is your child going? Growing? Settling into care? Attachments to caregivers ok? Meeting developmental milestones?

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    To me, your dh sounds like he's somewhat confused.. Is it just pantyhose he wears or other womens clothes?


 

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