Im a regular hubber under cover as this is a topic that is shameful to admit.
Im not a troll I need some objective advice..
Sorry for the long post..
Me 38 & DH 41 together 17 years & married for 8 years
I child after many years of IVF treatment.
DH has always had a few issues with telling the truth.. Now a sexual fetish for him, has taken over and ruining our relationship.
Ive lived my life to the extreme in many ways.
Im sexually adventuress, I have brought swinging & me having same sex relationships into our marriage.
He was not that comfortable with it and felt like he was cheating.. But if I pushed he would go along with it.
He would get angry at me for taking drugs, to go to rave parties or sex parties. But if I pressured him he would go along with it.
We advised our FS very clearly when we were doing IVF.. Also I always had safe sex, he knew we were in our 30s and bored..
Our relationship has been good, bar one issue. He lies to me all the time, small little lies.. Sometimes bigger lies.. Over small things, or lying by not telling the full story.. Many examples of these lies, like did you get to work on time, he would say "yeah pretty much" but really what the means I spent to long at the shops on the way to work, threw away the lunch you made me, and bought stuff, but pretty much made it on time".
Our life has clearly slowed down, and no more drugs expect for a recent concert.
No more swinging, either.
Sorry for the long back story, but so you know where we are at..
I found out several years ago my husband had a sexual fetish for womens pantyhose.. I did not know how deep this went until the other year..
As I am sexually open, and if my husband chose to he can have sex with another woman.. I dont own him..
I had found lots and I mean lots and lots of pantyhose in the house.. It clearly had become a huge thing for him.
So we had a talk about it, he said he would not do this anymore... I promise.. I thew away a shopping bag full of them. I wont buy them for myself, cause I cant trust him..
But again, I have found them hidden under the draws... I then set a trap, went out.. To see what happens..
I go out, ask him very very directly what have you been up too.. Blah blah..
I said to him, tell me the truth.. Nope he didnt..
I left him a note, with his hidden stash.. I called him a creepy guy..
After a week of silent treatment, I said I know what you have been up too again..
So now we have had another throw out.... and a huge fight
These are the issues..
I treat him like crap because he has lied to me.. broken my trust too many times..
He says he is justified as I dont have a kind word to say to him anymore. Yes Im hurt and he has been lying yet again..
We dont have a s.ex life anymore, since the arrival of our child.
I dont know if I can keep going on like this..
He will just keep lying to me.. I feel like a fool, for even trusting him..
We have been to counselling before..
Who could just turn a blind eye this, I dont think I can..
Now he has bought himself recovery tights, he says they are helping with this circulation. And wearing these around the house and for sports.
I dont believe him..
What can I do? Is this relationship over
Please Im after some objective advice.. Please be kind..