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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    For the past week 4 mo ds has been whiny when anyone tries to hold him besides myself and dh. My mil is over today and says it's because he doesn't see them often enough. She also attributes him occasionally not wanting to be put down to us holding him too much. I'm starting to feel like it's my "fault" if he behaves a certain way, like I've made him that way through my actions.
    I'd be interested to know, particularly if you have more than one child, how much their behaviour is affected by your actions. Is it just their temperament or are they being "spoiled"? (God I hate that word). Do you have one child who's always been relaxed and another who's always been a bit of a whinger?
    Lol that's b@ll**** what your mil says.Your baby is starting to realise who mum and dad are. My dd3 is 5 months old and started doing it recently. Of course they are going to show disconfort when someone holds them at such a young age.

    All three of my girls are/had happy dispositions and still showed alarm when other people held or hold them. (my other daughters are older now. )
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 01-08-2016 at 14:44.

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  3. #12
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    Just now as she was leaving he started screaming as she was holding him and she said, "he's probably hungry, maybe your breastmilk isn't enough for him anymore." Arghhhhhh! Sorry just had to vent. Thanks everyone, I feel better now.

  4. #13
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    Argh MILs!!! Nod, smile and NEVER doubt that you know your baby best!

    I have 2 kids. They are 17 months apart and are both currently toddlers. Although I try to parent them the same it is obvious that their early life experiences have been very different and yes I have seen that it's affected their personality. So my oldest has had my undivided attention from the moment he was born. We are very connected emotionally. We both love cuddling and could easily be in physical contact with each other all day. He always wants to play WITH me. My youngest had a lot less of me when she was a baby. She got fed, changed, given a kiss and then put down. I was BUSY and stressed in her first year. As a baby she was happy to sit and watch the world go by (but honestly she didn't have a choice). She has been forced to investigate the world and play much more independently and now that's how she prefers to be. She also doesn't crave physical attention and touch from me. It's very different from my son. I know we love each other but I do worry that she doesn't feel enough love from me. (This is making me really sad to write). I think part of it is her natural personality but it's also definitely because she was forced to be more independent.
    Anyway rambling now.....
    Don't change anything you are doing. You can NOT love a baby too much. If it feels right then do that. Your baby is 'whiny' because he is learning how to communicate his needs to you. Life will throw you plenty of reasons that you can't give him exactly what he wants when he wants it but 4 months is not the time for that! In fact a well attached baby who knows its mother always attends to its needs will be much more settled in the world. He soon won't cry for you as much because he feels secure in the knowledge that you are always close and that a cuddle is only a few minutes away.
    He cries when mil holds him because he likes you better! You're the light of his life. Mil will just have to deal with it! Also I found that my babies always preferred people that they saw often (at least once a week) and people that were happy to take the baby's lead. People who got right in their faces and tried to force smiles, cuddles and wanted baby to put on a show are never the favorite. Those who listen to babys cues and respect their boundaries defiantly became my babies favorite people.
    Hope some of that answers your question..... Xxx

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  6. #14
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    All very true @REDcreaming soda xx

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    2 kids here. My guess is:

    35% nature
    65% nurture

    There are a lot of things that are within parental control (eg many aspects of settling and sleeping), however sometimes it doesn't matter what you do there are underlying conditions affecting bubs behaviors.

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    Ummmm, being clingy and not wanting anyone other than their primary caregivers (and even just sometimes mum, and only mum) is typical leap 4 behaviour.
    It's just bub developing. Tell MIL it's normal for kids not to like her!!!!

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  11. #17
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    I only have one kid but my DS was EXACTLY the same. He never happily went to anyone except me or DP. By 18 months he happily went to MIL. By 2, my FIL and SIL. Only now at 2.9 he's started to be happy to spend time with my mum and dad.

    He had seen them a lot less as a baby and it showed!

    Luckily no one pushed the issue and it's really nice knowing he is now choosing to interact with them of his own accord.

    Quite a lot of studies have shown that boys brains develop slower than girls which is why baby boys are generally more affectionate, less independent and have more sleep issues than baby girls.

    (Of course that's *generally*, not every case!)

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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    Argh MILs!!! Nod, smile and NEVER doubt that you know your baby best!

    I have 2 kids. They are 17 months apart and are both currently toddlers. Although I try to parent them the same it is obvious that their early life experiences have been very different and yes I have seen that it's affected their personality. So my oldest has had my undivided attention from the moment he was born. We are very connected emotionally. We both love cuddling and could easily be in physical contact with each other all day. He always wants to play WITH me. My youngest had a lot less of me when she was a baby. She got fed, changed, given a kiss and then put down. I was BUSY and stressed in her first year. As a baby she was happy to sit and watch the world go by (but honestly she didn't have a choice). She has been forced to investigate the world and play much more independently and now that's how she prefers to be. She also doesn't crave physical attention and touch from me. It's very different from my son. I know we love each other but I do worry that she doesn't feel enough love from me. (This is making me really sad to write). I think part of it is her natural personality but it's also definitely because she was forced to be more independent.
    Anyway rambling now.....
    Don't change anything you are doing. You can NOT love a baby too much. If it feels right then do that. Your baby is 'whiny' because he is learning how to communicate his needs to you. Life will throw you plenty of reasons that you can't give him exactly what he wants when he wants it but 4 months is not the time for that! In fact a well attached baby who knows its mother always attends to its needs will be much more settled in the world. He soon won't cry for you as much because he feels secure in the knowledge that you are always close and that a cuddle is only a few minutes away.
    He cries when mil holds him because he likes you better! You're the light of his life. Mil will just have to deal with it! Also I found that my babies always preferred people that they saw often (at least once a week) and people that were happy to take the baby's lead. People who got right in their faces and tried to force smiles, cuddles and wanted baby to put on a show are never the favorite. Those who listen to babys cues and respect their boundaries defiantly became my babies favorite people.
    Hope some of that answers your question..... Xxx
    Please don't blame yourself...my kids are all close in age.
    My oldest - had my undivided attention for 21 months...has hated affection since school age, happiest when working independently. My other kids enjoy company more.
    My youngest had to share me a lot and there was a lot of meeting needs without nurturing. Most cuddliest, affectionate kid that ever existed and actually asks me if we can just sit and cuddle all day.

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    I have two. Both have been parented pretty similar. Breastfed to sleep, cosleep, baby wear, shocking sleepers though DS was slightly better at napping.

    Both pretty easy going babies. Especially DS. He was a super chilled baby and now he's a sweet mostly chilled toddler, except if he's sick and then he is unmanageable.

    Neither had no problem being held by other people. Both very sociable babies. Greatest difficulty for someone else would be getting them to sleep, especially DD.

    Eta - they probably didn't get whiny until that 10/11 month when they started to chuck mini tantrums. But they have always been pretty happy kids unless you cross them lol

    Oh and I meant to add, I think its just a personality thing.
    Last edited by smallpotatoes; 01-08-2016 at 20:16.

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  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    For the past week 4 mo ds has been whiny when anyone tries to hold him besides myself and dh. My mil is over today and says it's because he doesn't see them often enough. She also attributes him occasionally not wanting to be put down to us holding him too much. I'm starting to feel like it's my "fault" if he behaves a certain way, like I've made him that way through my actions.
    I'd be interested to know, particularly if you have more than one child, how much their behaviour is affected by your actions. Is it just their temperament or are they being "spoiled"? (God I hate that word). Do you have one child who's always been relaxed and another who's always been a bit of a whinger?
    I have 2 boys, 2 years apart and they are completely different in temperament and the into thing that was different about our parenting is that we were more relaxed, but it didn't change the way we patented, just how stressed we were (a lot less). We held him just as much as our first.

    Please don't listen to people who tell you you're holding your child too much. Babies need to feel safe and loved, and they go through phases of wanting to be held more and having separation anxiety. They will go through these phases regardless of your parenting.

    You're doing a great job, nothing is your "fault". You can't spoil a baby. Just do whatever you feel your baby needs.

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