+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    441
    Thanks
    211
    Thanked
    274
    Reviews
    0

    Default Nature vs nurture

    For the past week 4 mo ds has been whiny when anyone tries to hold him besides myself and dh. My mil is over today and says it's because he doesn't see them often enough. She also attributes him occasionally not wanting to be put down to us holding him too much. I'm starting to feel like it's my "fault" if he behaves a certain way, like I've made him that way through my actions.
    I'd be interested to know, particularly if you have more than one child, how much their behaviour is affected by your actions. Is it just their temperament or are they being "spoiled"? (God I hate that word). Do you have one child who's always been relaxed and another who's always been a bit of a whinger?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    At my house
    Posts
    3,103
    Thanks
    256
    Thanked
    121
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Nature vs nurture

    I have three children. My first born (boy) and last born (girl) have very similar temperaments. They are easy going, mischievous and pretty easy to please. My second born (girl) has always been a bit more whiney and higher maintenance. I don't think I have nurtured any of them any differently from the other. I don't think you can ever hold a baby too much. They also go through clingy stages too so your mil needs to check herself before she speaks .I love how the older generation seem to forget that they were once young mothers too who probably went through the same things you are worrying about..

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to bubbasmum For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    2,021
    Thanks
    2,769
    Thanked
    1,012
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have two sons. DS1 was an easy going baby. Slept and ate well and honestly just a bit of a dream baby/toddler and is exactly the same now at 21. Super easy going and flexible.

    DS2 was a koala baby. Went from 0-100 hysterical in seconds if put down. Settled for no one but me. Fussy eater, super demanding, huge meltdowns and tantrums now at almost 4.

    Both boys were raised in very similar ways (obviously nothing is exactly the same). I think temperament plays a massive role.

    You MIL needs to pull her head tbh. You little boy is barely out of the fourth trimester. He is so little. You cannot spoil a baby and certainly not with love and cuddles!

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to binnielici For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Gold Coast, QLD
    Posts
    3,594
    Thanks
    1,292
    Thanked
    1,105
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    All 4 of my girls have been very easy going, happy babies. I very rarely had to pick them up and they never really cried. DH and I are very easy going people too, I enjoyed routines and was very firm on the no picking up bub if it wasn't needed.
    In saying that, they would get sooky if someone they didn't really know picked them up. Your MIL is probably right - your DS doesn't know your MIL that well if she doesn't see him enough, that is not your fault though!

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to BabyG4 For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)

  8. #5
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,140
    Thanks
    4,541
    Thanked
    2,719
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi bb77. A baby, at four months, has in no way been spoilt. Your baby is totally doing what he wants to do with whoever he feels like being with. Try to ignore your Mil. if she means well, she is not choosing her words well. Each baby will have a different personality, and also, just simply need different amounts of attention, at different stages. Relax and enjoy the cuddles, it all passes way too quickly. marie.

  9. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    babyno1onboard  (01-08-2016),BB77  (01-08-2016),pointless1  (01-08-2016),Redcorset  (02-08-2016),SookiLala  (01-08-2016)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    441
    Thanks
    211
    Thanked
    274
    Reviews
    0
    She sees him once a week. My dh's cousin had the audacity to call him "naughty"! 4 months!

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5,069
    Thanks
    131
    Thanked
    265
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    My 4 month old has just started not wanting to be put down and gets upset if he can't see anyone. It's definitely developmental. I wear him often and I don't attribute his wanting to be picked up because I've "spoilt him". You and your DH are your baby's carers, of course he's going to prefer you to anyone else.

    You're doing awesomely. Forget what anyone else tells you. They're just jealous that your baby showers you with love and not them. And all the better to lap it up while you can, they'll be grown up before you know it.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to SookiLala For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,316
    Thanks
    1,551
    Thanked
    2,536
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    There's a very interesting documentary on SBS on demand at the moment on the Dunedin study. It looks at the nature vs nurture question.

    Fascinating!

  14. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016),binnielici  (01-08-2016),PomPoms  (01-08-2016)

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,033
    Thanks
    570
    Thanked
    331
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Nature vs nurture

    Don't let her get you down.

    You know your baby more than anyone, try to trust your gut. I'm sure you are doing awesome!!
    Last edited by Nomia; 01-08-2016 at 14:33.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to Nomia For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,841
    Thanks
    1,819
    Thanked
    1,421
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    My now five month old has not wanted anyone but me, or her dad, for about 6 weeks now.

    MIL also says that we spoil her and don't see her enough... actually it's because you go straight to her and grab her woman! She is fine with FIL

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to DT75 For This Useful Post:

    BB77  (01-08-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Baby sleep: Nature and Nurture
    By VicPark in forum General Sleeping & Settling Chat
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 20-02-2016, 17:42
  2. Anyone been to Brisbane's nurture centre?
    By nicole83 in forum General Sleeping & Settling Chat
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 10-09-2015, 15:01

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pyjamas.com.au
With so many gorgeous brands and styles for every season, our pyjamas, nighties, robes, sleepsuits and sleeping bags are lovely for lights out and perfect for lazy days. Get 10% off first order using code bubhub. Be quick offer ends 31/12/16.
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Ro and Co
Ro and Co kids cooking classes and parties are a fantastic way for children to experiment with food. The classes and parties are designed to be both educational and fun, giving your child the skills they need to be confident and creative in the kitchen.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!