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  1. #1
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    Default Nature vs nurture

    For the past week 4 mo ds has been whiny when anyone tries to hold him besides myself and dh. My mil is over today and says it's because he doesn't see them often enough. She also attributes him occasionally not wanting to be put down to us holding him too much. I'm starting to feel like it's my "fault" if he behaves a certain way, like I've made him that way through my actions.
    I'd be interested to know, particularly if you have more than one child, how much their behaviour is affected by your actions. Is it just their temperament or are they being "spoiled"? (God I hate that word). Do you have one child who's always been relaxed and another who's always been a bit of a whinger?

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    Default Nature vs nurture

    I have three children. My first born (boy) and last born (girl) have very similar temperaments. They are easy going, mischievous and pretty easy to please. My second born (girl) has always been a bit more whiney and higher maintenance. I don't think I have nurtured any of them any differently from the other. I don't think you can ever hold a baby too much. They also go through clingy stages too so your mil needs to check herself before she speaks .I love how the older generation seem to forget that they were once young mothers too who probably went through the same things you are worrying about..

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    I have two sons. DS1 was an easy going baby. Slept and ate well and honestly just a bit of a dream baby/toddler and is exactly the same now at 21. Super easy going and flexible.

    DS2 was a koala baby. Went from 0-100 hysterical in seconds if put down. Settled for no one but me. Fussy eater, super demanding, huge meltdowns and tantrums now at almost 4.

    Both boys were raised in very similar ways (obviously nothing is exactly the same). I think temperament plays a massive role.

    You MIL needs to pull her head tbh. You little boy is barely out of the fourth trimester. He is so little. You cannot spoil a baby and certainly not with love and cuddles!

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    All 4 of my girls have been very easy going, happy babies. I very rarely had to pick them up and they never really cried. DH and I are very easy going people too, I enjoyed routines and was very firm on the no picking up bub if it wasn't needed.
    In saying that, they would get sooky if someone they didn't really know picked them up. Your MIL is probably right - your DS doesn't know your MIL that well if she doesn't see him enough, that is not your fault though!

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    hi bb77. A baby, at four months, has in no way been spoilt. Your baby is totally doing what he wants to do with whoever he feels like being with. Try to ignore your Mil. if she means well, she is not choosing her words well. Each baby will have a different personality, and also, just simply need different amounts of attention, at different stages. Relax and enjoy the cuddles, it all passes way too quickly. marie.

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    She sees him once a week. My dh's cousin had the audacity to call him "naughty"! 4 months!

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    My 4 month old has just started not wanting to be put down and gets upset if he can't see anyone. It's definitely developmental. I wear him often and I don't attribute his wanting to be picked up because I've "spoilt him". You and your DH are your baby's carers, of course he's going to prefer you to anyone else.

    You're doing awesomely. Forget what anyone else tells you. They're just jealous that your baby showers you with love and not them. And all the better to lap it up while you can, they'll be grown up before you know it.

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    There's a very interesting documentary on SBS on demand at the moment on the Dunedin study. It looks at the nature vs nurture question.

    Fascinating!

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    Default Nature vs nurture

    Don't let her get you down.

    You know your baby more than anyone, try to trust your gut. I'm sure you are doing awesome!!
    Last edited by Nomia; 01-08-2016 at 13:33.

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    My now five month old has not wanted anyone but me, or her dad, for about 6 weeks now.

    MIL also says that we spoil her and don't see her enough... actually it's because you go straight to her and grab her woman! She is fine with FIL

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