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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    No.

    Our relationship wasn't the best when I fell pregnant.

    Since having DD (currently 5 months), I have seen how lazy, selfish and entitled H is.
    He was never "hands on" with DSS and DSD but I always attributed it to him not being sure as we see them so little,...

    Well he has been out of work for nearly 8 weeks and DD still barely recognises him; he doesn't know what she eats, where her nappies are, etc; has never bathed, dressed or put her to sleep.

    He will hold her while I cook, but gets fed up after 5-8 mins and is she is fussing, yells at her. So I end up cooking with her.

    I no longer make his meals or do his laundry. He is also solely responsible for organising DSS and DSD now. I gave up.
    We are also no longer 'romantic'... hadn't been in ages anyway but now sleep separately.

    ETA: H and his ex had IVF to get DSD and it nearly broke them. Having DSS two years later, naturally, did break them. I have tried everything to ensure DSS never knows it, but he does
    I feel sad you for you, your DD, DSD and DSS

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    DT75  (01-08-2016)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    No.

    Our relationship wasn't the best when I fell pregnant.

    Since having DD (currently 5 months), I have seen how lazy, selfish and entitled H is.
    He was never "hands on" with DSS and DSD but I always attributed it to him not being sure as we see them so little,...

    Well he has been out of work for nearly 8 weeks and DD still barely recognises him; he doesn't know what she eats, where her nappies are, etc; has never bathed, dressed or put her to sleep.

    He will hold her while I cook, but gets fed up after 5-8 mins and is she is fussing, yells at her. So I end up cooking with her.

    I no longer make his meals or do his laundry. He is also solely responsible for organising DSS and DSD now. I gave up.
    We are also no longer 'romantic'... hadn't been in ages anyway but now sleep separately.

    ETA: H and his ex had IVF to get DSD and it nearly broke them. Having DSS two years later, naturally, did break them. I have tried everything to ensure DSS never knows it, but he does
    So sorry that this is your current situation. It's such a hard slog.

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    DT75  (01-08-2016)

  5. #33
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    @DT75 hugs.

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    DT75  (01-08-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (01-08-2016)

  7. #34
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    Thanks ladies.

    It's not great but it could be worse

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    @Molros I am one of those people who had an unplanned baby and he was conceived during a very bad period of our relationship. DF and I feel much closer since having DS. We both have a reason to make things work. He keeps us strong together as a family. He has helped 'fix our relationship' which I don't really like saying it that way or see it that way. He has changed everything for the better. We do have our problems but what relationship doesn't. I guess not everyone is like this but I know we are.

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    Molros  (01-08-2016)

  10. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Thanks ladies.

    It's not great but it could be worse
    Ah, I'm sorry to hear it's that bad. For what it's worth, I've been in an unhappy marriageand I ended up leaving. I was a single mum and as much as it's not the ideal situation, it's better being on your own than being in an unhappy relationship. Maybe things will pick up for you and your DH. Hugs for you x

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    Default Do you believe a baby can save a relationship?

    No. NO. NNNOOO!!! Having a baby with someone is a beautiful thing and connects you for life BUT it is so freaking hard. I think that the foundation that you have before bub comes is crucial. If it's solid then a lovely little family can be built on top but if there are cracks then the intensity of parenthood is going to blow those cracks wide open.

    Saying all that, I would be reluctant to think someone has had a baby to save a relationship unless they actually told me that. I have noticed that before any major change that lots of couples have a little rocky patch. Before moving in together, getting engaged or starting ttc. It's kinda like the stakes are really high so tensions are high. It's emotionally charged so from the outside the relationship looks rocky but to those within it it's just a period of upcoming change.

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  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hasselhoff View Post
    @Molros I am one of those people who had an unplanned baby and he was conceived during a very bad period of our relationship. DF and I feel much closer since having DS. We both have a reason to make things work. He keeps us strong together as a family. He has helped 'fix our relationship' which I don't really like saying it that way or see it that way. He has changed everything for the better. We do have our problems but what relationship doesn't. I guess not everyone is like this but I know we are.
    I didn't mean anything in a bad way @Hasselhoff I was genuinely wondering I know my sister had an unplanned baby that her partner was not at all happy about and they ended up separating and he has no contact whatsoever with his DD which I think very sad. She is probably in the minority and I ewpect there were other issues at play as well. I am glad your DS changed everything for the better

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Ah, I'm sorry to hear it's that bad. For what it's worth, I've been in an unhappy marriageand I ended up leaving. I was a single mum and as much as it's not the ideal situation, it's better being on your own than being in an unhappy relationship. Maybe things will pick up for you and your DH. Hugs for you x
    We have discussed it at length, and separating is just not for us.
    Not at any point in the near future anyway.
    It's just taking him a while to realise that with the 'relationship side' being over, our roles change. If I am not his wife in ALL ways, I am not picking up after him.
    He is a grown man. As far as household duties go, we are housemates and he needs to pitch in. That was the agreement. He just hasn't yet.

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  16. #40
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I have to agree with Sonja, I think it is rather dependent on the reason the relationship needs to be "saved".

    Infertility placed a huge strain on our relationship because it was so hard wanting something so badly and it being so far away. Getting pregnant helped us reconnect with our goals and see past the pain and resentment we both possessed towards each other for different reasons.

    Our relationship has been stronger than ever since having kids, we didn't even struggle much after our first was born, but we did have our issues while we were TTC him. We both wanted kids, and then, but dp struggled to part with her pre-kids lifestyle.

    Ultimately despite it being an issue for a while (excessive drinking etc) I knew she would grow up when we had a baby to care for, and she did, and she is thankful for the fact that DS is here, and that I did take a shot as I was close to being at the end of my rope for a while.

    Anyway, I'm blathering now but my point is, as a general rule - probably not, but certainly in some cases it can, it depends on the circumstances.


 

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