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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    My gut tells me nothing is going on but DH somehow enjoys the attention.

    I don't blame him I think I would too. But that's the end of it, I'll make sure of it.

    He might have just lost his accountant on this one though. Need to think it through but may well resign...
    Hugs... It might boost your OWN confidence if you worked outside of the business? Or do you just do this because it's flexible for the family?

    I think she's coming across passive aggressive. Controlling infact as if she has a crush on your DH. The fact she said maybe that's for last week (sorry I didn't quote so can't remember exactly) so what was he out late? Did you get ****ed off? Maybe he complained at work during the week this is what I'm leaning towards.

    Good luck I hope you find a solution

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  3. #32
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    By the sound of it, it has everything to do with how you feel and not so much to do with your husbands behaviour - so be careful about what you say to him as he could get very defensive if he thinks you're accusing him of anything.

    It's not his fault he hired an attractive, flirty women. You know and trust him, but you don't know her, and it's her you don't trust, not him. Men can be very dumb when it comes to this sort of thing, a women can be blatantly flirting with them and they won't realise.

    Not saying she is flirting but it sounds possible - it might be completely innocent flirting too, maybe she thinks it will help her at work to be 'buddies' with the boss.

    If it were me I would have a chat to my hubby about how I am feeling. But word it very carefully. I would suggest I am feeling a bit out of the loop and jealous he is spending time with a young hotty etc - he would still get defensive but at least he would know how I feel and be more aware and cautious.

    Is there anything else yourDH is doing to make you feel insecure or is it purely Miss Hotty?

  4. #33
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    Hey OP. I think you're right about nothing happening yet and your DH enjoying the attention. That's still something to keep an eye on though before it causes problems - why is your DH giving so much of himself to his staff and another woman? I can't believe a grown man with a family would go out on the **** every Friday night. I think your DH has crossed a line with his staff - not only in that his giving more of himself to them than you, ... The whole private message/joke thing is a little off. Not cool.

    Tell your hubby if he needs attention to feel good you will take him out on a date every week/fortnight etc.

    Good luck

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  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    By the sound of it, it has everything to do with how you feel and not so much to do with your husbands behaviour
    I don't agree - I think it's a combination. I think it's totally inappropriate for the hubby to be going off on the **** every Friday night with his work mates and not his wife. I think it's totally inappropriate to be sending private messages back and forth like that. Save your smiley faces for your wife not your hot young assistant.

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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    @monnie24 I think you have thrown my husband in the street then

    In some of the texts, DH ask her if she's joining them for drinks and she replies she's already in bed, lame, like a grand Ma waa waa
    DH replies "OMG Susie!!" (Let call her Susie!)
    " so lame indeed!"

    In another series, she's like "where are you? When are you coming?" And he replies that he waits for me to come home before jumping in a cab.
    Then she's like "oh maybe EMF is making you pay for last Friday" (no idea what this was about?)
    Waadi waada

    Yeap not a fan of those texts
    These messages cross the line for me. I would talk to do about how his behaviour effecting you and your relationship. Let him know he is hurting you and therefore you relationship. That you don't expect him to control her behaviour but how he responses to it. Let's face it some man just don't notice the flirty stuff from other woman especially if they are confident in the relationship with their partner.
    Explain that you need more of his fun flirty behaviour.
    Plan some fun things for you two to do together. Focus on having fun with him. Do something you both haven't even done before.

  9. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't agree - I think it's a combination. I think it's totally inappropriate for the hubby to be going off on the **** every Friday night with his work mates and not his wife. I think it's totally inappropriate to be sending private messages back and forth like that. Save your smiley faces for your wife not your hot young assistant.
    I agree about the messages - even if he was a single man, extremely unprofessional and could lead to sexual discrimination claims. He needs to be careful. Is your husband French too? It could be a cultural thing, but he should know that he's actually on very thin ice.

    As for going out on with the staff every Friday, while its a bit slack for a family man to do that every single weekend, it's a pretty normal thing to do for the boss to have a Friday evening do every week, part of team moral boost or something. Lots of businesses in my office building do it and I know many others who have work drinks every week.

    I personally wouldn't do it because I want to keep a certain level of distance between my staff and myself, but annual Xmas dinner is a lot of fun and I can see how doing this on a weekly basis would bring the team closer together. Depends on the type of business.

  10. #37
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    OP, glad you sooke to your husband about it, its horrible to have things fester!

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  12. #38
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    Yeah, you know I personally think that men get too much leeway with the whole 'they don't really get it that they're being flirted with' thing.

    In my world a little bit of flirting is ok, as long as the boundaries are extremely clear. I think those messages cross a line because a) your hubs has obviously said something to her about you and your personal relationship (or else she has made an assumption that he hasn't corrected) and b) she has used a comment about you to kind of make it an us/you situation.

    I guess what I mean by that is that even if he stayed out one night and he came home to you screaming like a banshee (which I highly doubt), then that's between the two of you, and I think as a work colleague, she shouldn't even know about it, let alone joke about it.

    I agree that he sounds like he's above board, but I think putting a stop to those sorts of messages would be appropriate. Then go out and do something to make you feel pretty and amazing and wonderful. I'm sure he thinks you are - he just needs to get better at reminding you x

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  14. #39
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    It does sound like it is innocent on your DH's side of things but definitely keep an open dialogue about it with him so you don't constantly stew in your own thoughts.

    DH hired a young lady and initially she also had to live with us because she moved for the job. She was not as pretty as me but younger, slimmer, bigger boobs etc.
    I found it weird because at home a few times she would bring into conversation that she always stays away from martied men. It was always random and I felt like 'why do you even need to say that?' Another really odd thing, you could see part of our washing line outside our kitchen window. Without fail she would hang her bras right there so thst was all you could see. Even when she had the whole washing line to choose from.

    After she moved out and had been working for DH for a few months he made a comment one day about how he didn't realise working with a woman would make him thimk about s3x so much more. I retorted "you mean an attractive young woman" and he was saying no, no I don't find her attractive. I called BS as he'd had a 50 yo woman working for him for more than a year and she wasn't getting him horny! lol! I didn't make a big deal of it but did tell him to watch out as I didn't trust her. I trusted him and I've been turned on by many male colleagues over the years but never acted on it.

    Anyhow, long story short, he found out after she stopped working for him she started having an affair with a married, older work associate she had met through DH's work.

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    Those messages would definitely annoy me beyond words, and in my opinion I think it is inappropriate in a work setting for a boss and employee to be sending them.

    I think majority of the time men don't realise there is anything to them (text) but I can guarantee she does.

    It's good that you have talked to your DH about how the texts make you feel, and hopefully now he is a little more conscious about the texts he sends her.

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