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  1. #1
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    Default Hi!🏻🏻

    I need some fashion advice? I've had my baby. A beautiful little girl. She is four months and my body is (more or less) back to the way it was before I was pregnant. Adding a few stretch marks.
    My problem is this. I need pretty, practical clothing OTHER THAN jeans and a t-shirt. With a baby, I don't know how to do that. I had on an outfit a few days ago (wedges, skinny jeans, a singlet, and a cropped jumper) this is pretty much everyday wear for me. But I was taking my daughter to the doctors.
    My husband said I looked like (the s word) and really made me feel that my fashion sense is completely wrong. He asked me "what kind of person wold wear that to take their baby to the doctor" (although his language was much more hurtful. I'm sure you can imagine.
    But I have worn the same kind of thing for years and he's never said anything about it before. He's even told me I look nice. I feel very very hurt and lost. I definitely don't want to look like a ****.
    Any advice? I need comfortable clothes I can deal with the baby in, do house work in and if they get spewed on or anything they won't be ruined. I tried a few dresses and even those he said "your a grown up with a baby now, you need to dress appropriately". (Again, language edited)
    Please help.....

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    I think the issue here isn't your fashion sense or lack there of. It's your jerk of a husband. I have 3 kids, heading for 40 and now I've lost the weight from my 3rd child I wear exactly the same thing. My DH says I look gorgeous/hot and would never dare say that sort of thing.

    So you can't wear skinny jeans or dresses. What constitutes 'dressing appropriately'? A burlap sack? A 1980's grey track suit set 2 sizes too big? After reading how he treats you like a slave, now this.....? Read this and your other post about the housework back to yourself and replace 'I' with it being your daughter. What would you tell her?

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

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  4. #3
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Yep I agree with @delirium. You have every right to go to the doctor in a g-string bikini if you feel like it without your husband, your *life partner*, using that sort of language.

    You do you. It's hard enough coping with the change to your self-identity after becoming a mother without feeling like you have to change to fit into the pigeon hole your hubs has set aside for you.

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    Wear what ever the hell the want to is my opinion. Wear what your comfortable in not what your jerky DH wants you to cover up in. He should be proud if your back in your skinny jeans and not something that's 3 sizes to big for you.

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    He had always complimented the way I dressed before I got pregnant and would make me feel so attractive. "Show your butt off, it's the best butt I've ever seen." He even brought me a few pairs of skinny jeans in other colours. Now it's, wear tops that cover your ***, don't wear jeans that show off every f*ing curve. Your **** is sagging and once you loose it, you know I'm gone. I feel so f*ed. as I wrote in the post about house work. Unless I'm up till 1-2 in the morning I just can't find time to get in the gym, let alone energy. Motivation I have plenty of. I hate myself. Lol.

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    I also feel like he's such a hypocrite. Ever since I've known him he's been a little overweight. Now he has a real gut and says he's doing something about it, that he's embarrassed but never does anything. He only dresses nice and puts effort in if he's going out which is rarely. Which of course I understand... To a point. I have to reassure him all the time that I find him attractive. Yes I see you are holding weight, but you are not unattractive to me. I know you will deal with it. Etc etc.

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    I'm sorry but your husband sounds like an ar$ehole! Correct me if I'm wrong but did he say to you that your ar$e is sagging and if you loose it he will leave you??? Please don't hate yourself, it sounds as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are wearing and how you look. It's him that has something wrong and there is no way in hell I would be putting up with those disgusting comments. He should be ashamed of himself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BitsHead View Post
    I also feel like he's such a hypocrite. Ever since I've known him he's been a little overweight. Now he has a real gut and says he's doing something about it, that he's embarrassed but never does anything. He only dresses nice and puts effort in if he's going out which is rarely. Which of course I understand... To a point. I have to reassure him all the time that I find him attractive. Yes I see you are holding weight, but you are not unattractive to me. I know you will deal with it. Etc etc.
    Have you pointed this out? You've grown and birthed a baby, what's his excuse? When he says "you know once you loose your butt I'm gone" I'd reply "well if we are talking about ending the relationship over letting ourselves go, I should be long gone".

    There is nothing wrong with what you described. You are young and skinny jeans are what's in atm. Given you say he used to tell you to show it off, coupled with him needing constant reinforcement you find him attractive - it seems he's trying to 'mummafy' you in case someone finds you sexy and you stray. Which shows how little he trusts you as well as respects you.

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    I used to. When I was angry and he'd call me fat, lazy etc I'd say the same kinds of things back. That all he does is sit on his fat *** and does nothing and expect me to be understanding. But then he started to really get in my face about it. So I don't do that anymore. In a normal and calm way when he asks me about his weight I tell him. Otherwise it's not talked about.
    If I'm with him and ask him to pick between two outfits for a dinner or something he has picked the shortest dress.. I understand that when I'm with him he wants to "show me off". But we rarely go out together and I don't want to look frumpy and weak when I'm out by myself. I still want to look nice. Yeah I'm a mum now but I really didn't think I'd have to change my style that much, yeah, no more micro skirts (like I ever wore them anyway) stuff like that. Look respectable, classy... Not half dead....

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    I'm sorry BitsHead but you sound like you're in a very unhealthy relationship.

    Please don't internalize his comments, your posts show that you know he's full of cr@p, so don't let him make you feel bad about yourself.

    Your dress sense sounds fab! It's tights & a T here unless I'm going somewhere special WITHOUT the kidlets.

    But, what you wear is irrelevant. The problem is how your DH is treating you.


 

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