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  1. #11
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    My mum died from cancer when I was 14 and my sister was 16. My dad started going out on dates I guess, within a year.
    Within 3 years he was remarried.
    Don't get me wrong, it wasn't exactly easy but for me, I wanted him to be happy. I didn't want him sitting around in mourning. He was 50, far too young to be alone for the rest of his life. That was just how I approached it.
    You are of course able to decide who is around your kids. But don't get ahead of yourself. I'm not sure that anything about your mum having a new friend suggests this will be a long line of strangers involved with your kids.
    I really feel for you. It's obvious that the death of your Dad has been really hard for you. No one new will ever take their place. xxx

  2. #12
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    Not quite the same situation, but my grandparents split up when I was 7. My pop repartnered relatively quickly afterwards . We have always referred to them as Pop and (let's call her) Jane. Not once did we ever refer to her as nan, Nanna, nanny, grandma etc, only by her given name. Maybe that's because Nanna was still in the picture, but it also then didn't cause any confusion with the younger grandkids.

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    My brother died from cancer June last year. Hard time indeed. I wss at the hospital when he passed along with his wife. Move on 3 months or so and she informs me she has met someone else.

    They had only been together a few years and my brother was 42 when he passed.

    She was scarred to tell me as she did not know how I would react.

    I was keen to meet him. However much I loved my brother as did she I believe everyone deserves to be happy. She was the best thing to happen to my brother in his adult life aside from his children.

    Now a further 6 months have passed. I am closer to my brothers widow than before and her new bf is a great guy. They really truly suit each other.

    So many might day it was too quick. I say I'm happy for them

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  5. #14
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    Let your mum enjoy her life. It's been long enough since your dad passed away and your mum has every right to be happy. Don't risk pushing your mum away because of your own issues accepting it.

    My dad died at 52 and my mum was only 51 at the time. She went out on a few dates, but was never keen to settle down. She was concerned at how my brother and I would feel about her dating (we were both in our 20's) and we both encouraged her to do it. Your mum shouldn't be expected to stay single for the rest of her life, just because you don't like it.

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  7. #15
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I say, just give it time. I must be about the same age as your mum. I would like to have some friends so I could be comfortable to do social things. I think perhaps male and female friends together would be the best way to do it. I would really try to see this person as just a new friend for your mother. At present, that is all he is. Try not to over think the situation, it will cause you stress, and could damage your relationship with your mother. hugs, marie.

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  9. #16
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    It has been about 14 years since my dad passed, and mum has never had anybody else enter her life. However if she said to me tomorrow that I should meet her "boy" friend, than I would feel the same as you. I would feel that on the inside, however on the outside I would need to be happy for her. It wouldn't be about me, it would be about her. It is her life, she didn't tell me what to do, so why should I tell her what to do. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. However, you don't know the guy, he could be really nice and you could get along really well. However I completely understand your reservations. Maybe just put that aside for an hour whilst you meet with him, and reassess. But I would do it without the kids around. Good luck

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    So some time has passed and I have sought counselling and I have realised that this activity independently wouldn't be that bad.

    However it's opened much more than just whether I should meet him or not. I've reflected on the relationship I have with my mother and realised it isn't all it's cracked up to be (on both sides, not independently).

    I still can't move forward and come to meeting the new guy, and I have no desire to. I don't feel I can be supportive and encouraging and have voiced this with mum (for more reasons than I care to mention here).

    Just thought I'd provide an update for those interested.

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    Interested

    I have no idea of all the circumstances. Hope you are not adversely impacting on the happiness of yourself or your mother.

    Great that you have sought counseling

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    I will keep you posted as time progresses.

    I acknowledge tho that I can't find it in me to be supportive of my mother in this new adventure and I am also ready to let her go if need be ...

    (Again not reasons I want to go into publicly but relate to the relationship issues I've mentioned)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Taffabella View Post
    I will keep you posted as time progresses.

    I acknowledge tho that I can't find it in me to be supportive of my mother in this new adventure and I am also ready to let her go if need be ...

    (Again not reasons I want to go into publicly but relate to the relationship issues I've mentioned)
    Must be some pretty big nasty issues for you to be prepared to make a stand on not meeting her new boyfriend and possibly losing her.

    Just make sure it's reason talking and not grief. Otherwise you could be cutting your nose off to spite your face.

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