DS 5 - is this just a phase? | Bub Hub
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  1. #1
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    Default DS 5 - is this just a phase?

    Today I received a phone call from my son's kindy teacher. He's in long day care every weekday. He hit another child with a toy today and the teacher said he's been really rough lately. She was wondering if anything had happened at home that would trigger this different behaviour over the last few weeks. But there's nothing at all that is different in our lives or anything significant that has happened.

    I'm probably overreacting but I'm concerned now that my son is becoming a little monster. I've spoken to him about it and when asking why, he just says 'I don't know'.

    Is this just a behavioural phase? He's an only child so I'm thinking we probably need to spend some time teaching him about sharing etc.

    Any thoughts or suggestions please?

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    So how long does he actually spend in care each day? I hope this is not offensive to say, but could it be as simple as wanting more time at home/with mum?

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    Default DS 5 - is this just a phase?

    I was thinking the same thing as PP

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    Did they tell you how they handle the situation at kindy? What response to they have when he hits?

    My son says the same thing when I ask him why he hits his brother for example "I don't know". Sometimes he will say "because he did *insert some behaviour or action that upset him* to me"..

    I think it's absolutely normal for children to go through stages of this and it doesn't mean your son is turning into a monster. He just needs a bit more guidance at this stage in terms of what is acceptable behaviour and how to deal with his emotions.

    I'm not sure if being an only child or being in long day care 5 days a week is the reason necessarily. My almost-5 year old has a younger brother and they both only go to long day care 3 days a week. They still fight and hit and bite.

    We talk to them about this behaviour, explain it isn't nice, isn't allowed, hurts people's feelings, we tell them the appropriate way to respond to a situation and when they do respond appropriately, we give them TONNES of praise so they remember how it feels, and they look for that praise in the future.

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    Blessedwith3boys  (29-07-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    Did they tell you how they handle the situation at kindy? What response to they have when he hits?

    My son says the same thing when I ask him why he hits his brother for example "I don't know". Sometimes he will say "because he did *insert some behaviour or action that upset him* to me"..

    I think it's absolutely normal for children to go through stages of this and it doesn't mean your son is turning into a monster. He just needs a bit more guidance at this stage in terms of what is acceptable behaviour and how to deal with his emotions.

    I'm not sure if being an only child or being in long day care 5 days a week is the reason necessarily. My almost-5 year old has a younger brother and they both only go to long day care 3 days a week. They still fight and hit and bite.

    We talk to them about this behaviour, explain it isn't nice, isn't allowed, hurts people's feelings, we tell them the appropriate way to respond to a situation and when they do respond appropriately, we give them TONNES of praise so they remember how it feels, and they look for that praise in the future.
    I agree. It's probably a faze rather than being in daycare.

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    As a mother of a 5 year old boy, I can say it's most likely a phase. Boys undergo a testosterone surge at this age and can become unintentionally more aggressive, boisterous and rough. I know my son has unintentionally hurt other kids (ie body slam/run into/etc - all the boys do it when they're excited and playing. Rough play is very normal at this age). Once he realises he has hurt someone he is devastated, cries along with them - he doesn't mean to hurt them, it just happens sometimes when he is a bit rough. And vice versa with other boys to him. We handle it by emphasising gentle play, teaching non-contact 'play fighting' (because they're going to do it anyway, so best to teach a safer way to do it), make sure he gets enough physical exercise (boys this age have LOTS of energy and need to move). And constant reminding.

    Also talking with him often to ensure he understands why we don't hit people, that we can hurt them, we wouldn't like it if someone hit us etc. At 5 they are old enough to have empathy but do need constant reminding as they're not always aware of their strength and can't always control their outbursts.

    It's good that the carer has brought it up with you - it shows they care and they understand its out of character for your son. Dont worry about him becoming a monster, he is not. He is just dealing with physical and mental changes and not quite sure how to deal with his feelings or control his emotions fully. Try to suggest alternate ways of dealing with his 'angry feelings' and give him praise when he shows restraint. He will get the message before too long.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    It's good that the carer has brought it up with you - it shows they care and they understand its out of character for your son.
    This is such a good piece of advice. If your child had major aggression issues you would have heard from the kindy a few weeks in, not 2nd half of the year.

    I agree it is probably a phase but I'd also check some factors that can contribute. Eg. Has he started playing with anyone new/more often where rough play is common? In which case conversations afterveach time they are together will help with clarifying what behaviour is acceptable and when. Is he getting enough sleep or having busy weekends on top of the full weeks? I've found we really need to pare back our weekends when the kids have been in long day care or school+OSHC 5 days a week. Is there a new food or something that he's eating more of than he was (or even something like Shapes changing their recipes). Does he have any niggling health symptoms like a cold that just hasn't seemed to clear up, there might be a bit of ear congestion making loud noise irritating or just a general "not 100%" feeling, which I've observed causing aggression or outbursts in some kids.

    I definitely wouldn't be writing it off as a full time care issue, especially since he's coped fine for 6 months already.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    As a mother of a 5 year old boy, I can say it's most likely a phase. Boys undergo a testosterone surge at this age and can become unintentionally more aggressive, boisterous and rough. I know my son has unintentionally hurt other kids (ie body slam/run into/etc - all the boys do it when they're excited and playing. Rough play is very normal at this age). Once he realises he has hurt someone he is devastated, cries along with them - he doesn't mean to hurt them, it just happens sometimes when he is a bit rough. And vice versa with other boys to him. We handle it by emphasising gentle play, teaching non-contact 'play fighting' (because they're going to do it anyway, so best to teach a safer way to do it), make sure he gets enough physical exercise (boys this age have LOTS of energy and need to move). And constant reminding.

    Also talking with him often to ensure he understands why we don't hit people, that we can hurt them, we wouldn't like it if someone hit us etc. At 5 they are old enough to have empathy but do need constant reminding as they're not always aware of their strength and can't always control their outbursts.

    It's good that the carer has brought it up with you - it shows they care and they understand its out of character for your son. Dont worry about him becoming a monster, he is not. He is just dealing with physical and mental changes and not quite sure how to deal with his feelings or control his emotions fully. Try to suggest alternate ways of dealing with his 'angry feelings' and give him praise when he shows restraint. He will get the message before too long.
    Great advice, really spot on. My son behaves exactly like this, especially with regard to crying when he accidentally hurts someone. He is 5 in October.

    I just want to mention though, I just read an article today about testosterone surge in young boys being a myth (as it's never been clinically proven - that doesn't mean it's not true though). But of course, as mothers of young boys, we know there is definitely something going on with them at this stage of their development. Whether it's increased energy, higher sense of self, piqued curiosity, wanting to assert themselves or whatever it is - it's normal and definitely not a sign of something wrong.


 

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