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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I think it can also depend on whether being a Sahm is planned or the result of circumstances we find ourselves in.

    For me I think the critical difference is between those who are long term SAHM by choice and those that are through circumstances outside of their control.
    ITA Mine is 100% by choice. But I guess the saying if you are unhappy, change it, rings true here. Happiness is the most important thing in life.

    OP could you work a few evenings a week doing bar work? It will get you out earning some $$$ so you don't feel so financially dependent, you get adult conversation and can feel productive and won't need DC. I did this when my second child was about 18 months for about a year and I loved it. It cost me $150 for my RSSA and one day at TAFE.

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    Freyamum  (28-07-2016)

  3. #12
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    Freyasmum! We are living the same life I tell you ! 3 kids , 8 years stay at home because I was lucky enough too but feeling lost just like you . I'm 40 and although I can start back up as a massage therapist / beauty therapist not sure if it's for me . I've never really found my thing . ❤️ Hugs .

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    Freyamum  (28-07-2016)

  5. #13
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    My mum was a SAHM for almost 20 years. She did an aged care course when she was in her late 50s, and worked in aged/disability care for 7 years before retiring due to her health.

    I've only been a full time SAHM for a total of 2.5 years (in 2 blocks) and I definitely underestimated the ramifications. I was working casually when pregnant with my first, and thought it would be easy to get back into work when I was ready. I didn't really understand the extent to which parenting would limit my/our options with regard to work. It took me more than a year to find work that I was happy with when I had 1 child, and it's not working brilliantly anymore with the needs of our second child. I'm so very glad to have the work though as I felt so trapped before I found this job.

    It must seem like such a difficult situation to get out of, but there are opportunities out there. It really sucks that it can be so hard though.

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    Freyamum  (28-07-2016)

  7. #14
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    Just on your house situation, Freyamum.
    Would you lease it out and rent something smaller for yourself?
    It might even bring you in some money?

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    Freyamum  (28-07-2016)

  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    Just on your house situation, Freyamum.
    Would you lease it out and rent something smaller for yourself?
    It might even bring you in some money?
    I would he wouldn't. And even if he did agree I'm not sure how we'd pack up everything! I think I might just get ruthless and start chucking things out. I had a bad day. Texted him about how I wasn't coping he doesn't even text me back. House is all my issue he's clueless and thinks none of it matters and I want some show house when the truth is I work my butt off just to keep it in the messy but semi hygienic and us all fed with clean clothes. Breathe... I feel like getting smashed! Ha ha it's been so long. But eventhough dd2 is finally pretty much night weaned she still doesn't sleep well and comes into our bed... Mind you half a bottle of wine would get me pretty tipsy without being unsafe 😜

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    Phony  (28-07-2016)

  11. #16
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    Go for it!
    The first drink goes straight to my head too but it also brings a head to feeling of AAAAAHHHHHHHH... I imagine it's like what a smoker feels when having a fag
    I need that every now and then to keep my cheeky side in check or it turns into a right divil!

    If if its any consolation, I spent six hours cleaning the boys bedroom on Sunday.
    SUNDAY! The day of rest!
    I just dump, dump, dump.
    It feels great and if they didn't catch me mid-dump they never miss anything.

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    Freyamum  (28-07-2016)

  13. #17
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    So just need to get this off my chest... Inlaws here and house came up and fil made comment maybe we should move... I said yes I agree. Was just a light hearted chit chat but then dp weighs in asking where all this money would come from and I'm reiterating that I want to downsize and I get the rolling eyes and accused of always complaining and that I need to come up with some ideas (non moving ones). Just completely dismissive of any conversation on the issues I have with the house. Talking through issues = complaining. Anyways mil is saying a smaller house might be just as hard but get this as soon as dp leaves she turns to me and says "ok now he's gone lets talk about the house. Maybe moving is a good idea." At least that clarifies that I'm not the unreasonable one even his own mum can't talk to him. Her advice is to find ways around it. Find a house and show it to him. Basically don't expect any help or support from the men in that family. Great!

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    Phony  (11-08-2016)

  15. #18
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    I just came in to see how everyone on this thread was doing.
    I've just read your last post, Freyamum, missed it somehow?

    Anyway, I understand the frustration you have with your DP.
    When it comes to money my DH is the same.

    We bought a house up north about 9 yrs ago.
    We'll never be able to buy in Sydney so this is our nest egg really and more likely somewhere we will move to when DH retires.
    I suggested selling it and at upgrading to a house we would love to live in, same area but just a better house.
    Nope!
    Not budging on it at all.
    He would rather buy a second house (never gonna happen) than sell that and lose thousands in the sale.

    How long have you got your inlaws for?

    I was informed yesterday that we will have visitors next April for the Easter break.
    Not thrilled. HAHAHAHA

  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    So just need to get this off my chest... Inlaws here and house came up and fil made comment maybe we should move... I said yes I agree. Was just a light hearted chit chat but then dp weighs in asking where all this money would come from and I'm reiterating that I want to downsize and I get the rolling eyes and accused of always complaining and that I need to come up with some ideas (non moving ones). Just completely dismissive of any conversation on the issues I have with the house. Talking through issues = complaining. Anyways mil is saying a smaller house might be just as hard but get this as soon as dp leaves she turns to me and says "ok now he's gone lets talk about the house. Maybe moving is a good idea." At least that clarifies that I'm not the unreasonable one even his own mum can't talk to him. Her advice is to find ways around it. Find a house and show it to him. Basically don't expect any help or support from the men in that family. Great!
    Can you show your DH the finances? So look at how much you could sell your house for and how much a smaller house would cost? Does it work out? I hate my house also and would love to sell but everything has gone up so much that it's looking impossible. Just the cost of buying and selling is $50k. But maybe your situation is different look at your figures.

  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    I just came in to see how everyone on this thread was doing.
    I've just read your last post, Freyamum, missed it somehow?

    Anyway, I understand the frustration you have with your DP.
    When it comes to money my DH is the same.

    We bought a house up north about 9 yrs ago.
    We'll never be able to buy in Sydney so this is our nest egg really and more likely somewhere we will move to when DH retires.
    I suggested selling it and at upgrading to a house we would love to live in, same area but just a better house.
    Nope!
    Not budging on it at all.
    He would rather buy a second house (never gonna happen) than sell that and lose thousands in the sale.

    How long have you got your inlaws for?

    I was informed yesterday that we will have visitors next April for the Easter break.
    Not thrilled. HAHAHAHA
    I think it's more than the cost. Yes there is some insecurity at work but overall I just don't think he has any interest is moving. He has shares in the UK and recently talked about cashing in so our mortgage would be minimal and paid off in another few years but he says no point paying off mortgage and then have our savings taxed. Moving would be costly but I think the main thing is he doesn't see any issues with this house. My main thing is no safe outdoor space. He never has to worry about this as if he's out with ms2 and needs to come in for anything I'm always here. He doesn't have to do any of the boring day stuff so he thinks I can just stay out with her while she plays until she's older. Like 7&9 year olds can play out there no probs. I hate that kitchen can't be closed off. On the one night he cooks I'm there watching her so he never has to experience trying to cook with a crazy toddler under foot. And he never does laundry so having to plan washes when she will come downstairs and never being able to quickly pop into laundry and dash out for clothes when it rains never occurs to him as an issue.
    I've never left him with all 3 as I'm scared she will end up lost on the road or something.

    I'm enjoying the inlaws this time. Sad that they are leading on Sunday! Usually me and mil clash but it's been good trying to talk through some of my house issues with her. She agrees there really isn't any way of making a safe outdoor area. I'm still at square one but it's nice to have someone listen to me and bounce off ideas rather than dp accusing me of always complaining if I attempt a discussion.
    Sigh.

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    Phony  (12-08-2016)


 

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