The long term ramifications of being a sahm | Bub Hub
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  1. #1
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    Default The long term ramifications of being a sahm

    Just wonder if other sahm's appreciated in advance what this could mean in the long term? I think I was totally and utterly naive. When dd1 was born 9 years ago I was so pleased that we could afford for me not to work and dp happy with that arrangement. Actually I did go back part-time when she was a year but we moved to Australia when she was 18 months so I left my job. But I was happy to. I missed her and wanted this move. I'd always had a job since I was 14. Part time at school and uni. But put myself through uni no loans at the end. Worked 2 jobs to travel. Despite being well educated I didn't find my vocation. I drifted until my last job which was pretty good and had potential for advancement. But I never ever had an issues finding work. I think that's why it didn't really occur to me that taking time off to be home with kids would have a major impact on my job prospects. I did try and find a part time job before I got pregnant with number 2. When he was little I remember discussing things with dp and feeling like I should be contributing financially to the family but he was happier with our set up as his job can be demanding and he never has to worry about getting home for daycare pick ups etc. I didn't know what I would do when ds started school but always presumed I'd study and work again. But since surprise #3 I feel more and more trapped in this role. I'm 43 and so any courses I've looked at when I consider the logistics I'd be lucky to be looking for a graduate position when I'm 50. And I know people say still another 20 years of work. I probably will go down that route and hope it works out but I guess the point of this post is that I'm only just accepting my naivety at the consequences of being a sahm. And so I have this little voice of doubt making me wonder if my moments of optimism about finding a new career in time is again complete naive fantasy? I can't cope with just kids and house. Could I really manage to study? What impact would that have on our family? And even at 50 dd2 will still only be in year 1, ds in 6 and dd2 high school. I'd be looking for part time work from day1. Would I ever be taken seriously? Can you really build a new career when you can only work part time and still have 3 kids and house to look after???

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    My mum was a sahm for 16 years and got a job and worked for 13 years in that job until she retired.
    You need to stop doubting yourself. Maybe you don't study right away...just find a job and re-gain confidence in your abilities to do so.
    There are challenges to working and parenting...but perhaps you could offset some of those by hiring a cleaner. We do. As soon as I started working I hired a cleaner to ease the stress. Our house and garden is cared for by others. It gives us time to have family time. My house is clean, and lived in tidy and both DH and I have the satisfaction that we both need from working.

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    Default The long term ramifications of being a sahm

    My mum was a SAHM for 22 years.
    Hadn't had a job since she fell pregnant at 19.
    Through school p and c, eventually becoming president, volunteering and things like being treasurer at craft clubs and CWA she built up a network and also skills and works now part time at 55

    So there is hope, always.
    Put yourself out there. Involve yourself in the kids activities. Join social/volunteer groups when your little one is older. You'll never know where it may take you.

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    My mum was similar to the two PP. SAHM for 10 years, she was a secretary before having kids and unfortunately for her computers happened in the 10 years she was home so her skills became completely redundant.
    She went and retrained as a librarian. Studied, then did volunteer work to get some experience to put on a resume. She was then able to find a great PT job and continued to work PT, then FT, then PT again until her early sixties.

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    No matter what women choose, they question the long term ramifications. SAHM's worry about super and job prospects. Working women worry they haven't given their kids enough time.

    I guess I just don't see things as you do. Yes I've been out of work a long while. Yes if I return to the career I had I'll be back near the bottom and if I do finish my current course I'll still start at the bottom. But I figure I still have decades. And for *my family* me being home was way more important. I wanted and had a career until I had kids and I lost that interest. I don't see it as a lesser vocation. My plan is to do relief teaching 3 days a week until my youngest is grown. Bc frankly I don't want a class contract working 60+ hours a week.

    You seem deeply unhappy at home, which is perfectly fine, some despise being a SAHM. But I think you need to remove the barriers to returning to work and take charge of your happiness. Go back to work and be happy.

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    I guess I didn't put too much thought into it, but I've never been a "career" person anyway. Just a "job" person. I only just figured out what I want to be when I grow up ha! So I am anticipating one more baby, and plan to stay home at least a few years after that one but I am jumping on the study now and loading up on tonnes of volunteer positions (incl 1 that is extremely relevant to my future career prospects and two that are similar fields so will go great on the resume). I figure if I make it look like I've been doing more than "just" being a mum (horrible term but that's how the world of employment sees it) I will have a slightly better chance.

    Plus I enjoy it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    No matter what women choose, they question the long term ramifications. SAHM's worry about super and job prospects. Working women worry they haven't given their kids enough time.

    I guess I just don't see things as you do. Yes I've been out of work a long while. Yes if I return to the career I had I'll be back near the bottom and if I do finish my current course I'll still start at the bottom. But I figure I still have decades. And for *my family* me being home was way more important. I wanted and had a career until I had kids and I lost that interest. I don't see it as a lesser vocation. My plan is to do relief teaching 3 days a week until my youngest is grown. Bc frankly I don't want a class contract working 60+ hours a week.

    You seem deeply unhappy at home, which is perfectly fine, some despise being a SAHM. But I think you need to remove the barriers to returning to work and take charge of your happiness. Go back to work and be happy.
    I am unhappy at home but it's the housework, isolation and insecurity. I loved being home with 1 in small flat and even 2 before we moved to this monstrosity! And I hate being so financially dependent. We have a shared back account so it's not that dp controls our money it's that I've lost my independence. If things were great with dp I might feel more secure and know that I could study in my own time without the pressure of maybe needing my income. I definitely don't hate being a sahm I've just become disillusioned and lonely and fearful for the future. I suppose I didn't expect to still be at home. I didn't anticipate I'd gradually become less mother and more housekeeper. The barriers to finding a job are real after 9 years out. Not just my confidence. Barriers to studying towards a new career are probably more psychological

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    I guess I didn't put too much thought into it, but I've never been a "career" person anyway. Just a "job" person. I only just figured out what I want to be when I grow up ha! So I am anticipating one more baby, and plan to stay home at least a few years after that one but I am jumping on the study now and loading up on tonnes of volunteer positions (incl 1 that is extremely relevant to my future career prospects and two that are similar fields so will go great on the resume). I figure if I make it look like I've been doing more than "just" being a mum (horrible term but that's how the world of employment sees it) I will have a slightly better chance.

    Plus I enjoy it.
    What is your new chosen career? I sometimes forget my age and wonder what I'll be when I grow up 😂

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    I think it can also depend on whether being a Sahm is planned or the result of circumstances we find ourselves in. I was a SAHM from when I was pregnant with DS (3rd baby) to when he was 2 as we moved interstate and DH was working long hours and travelling and I couldn't wrap my head around working as well. I was miserable as I felt it was beyond my control. I fell into a job I adore and when I fell pregnant (unplanned) again was terrified at the prospect of losing everything and being at home again.

    For me I think the critical difference is between those who are long term SAHM by choice and those that are through circumstances outside of their control.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    What is your new chosen career? I sometimes forget my age and wonder what I'll be when I grow up
    Paramedic.
    So the volunteer related stuff is "Volunteer Ambulance Officer" (we live in a small town and don't actually have paramedics here), SES and RFS.
    I am doing it a really roundabout way but I've got a plan laid out that lets me do the majority of my study online. Will take me longer but I can't do the job while I live here anyway and means I get to stay home with my babies.

    I'm very lucky that my husband is immensely supportive. Has told me he will quit and be stay home dad and move across the state of I need him to. Has offered to get cleaners etc so I can focus on being mum and study/work and not worry about the house and stuff. He is also very encouraging. So I'd say that helps. Even if he is sick of me talking about it. I'm only 29 so despite me feeling like it's already too late, I know I have my whole life ahead of me to get everything done.


 

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