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  1. #31
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    Im sorry you feel you cant post here without everything getting picked apart.
    As a pp mentioned its great to see how both you and your dh are on board with making sure your ds knows its ok whatever he wears.
    I hope everything works out for you all

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    SuperGranny  (29-07-2016)

  3. #32
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    I think you handled it all perfectly. You and DH sound like amazing parents .

    Xx

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    turquoisecoast  (29-07-2016)

  5. #33
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    Quite sad to read the 'picking apart' of a very worried caring mamas approach to helping her son. Good luck OP!

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    SuperGranny  (29-07-2016)

  7. #34
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    You aren't damaging your Son OP. Please don't feel anyone on here was ever implying that.

    I feel you are an amazing parent and have handled the whole situation so far very well. If your only response was to ask your Son a question as to find out what's wrong, there is no harm... As until you're in this situation, you really don't know the right way to approach it... You only know what you think is the right thing. So you went with it.

    It's a little different. But when I came out to my mother her response was exactly this: "You're turning my whole world upside down!" Something like this is damaging.

    I can see what VP means. It's like if you've gone and got your hair done and DP/DH turns around and says "why'd you get your hair done?" Rather than "oh you've got your hair done, it looks nice".... You'd feel a bit embarrassed and think they didn't like your hair. I know it's a different context, but it's kind of how people intend to deliver things isn't how it's always received, especially as a child.

    I'd also suggest buying him the clothes in his own size and leave them somewhere for him. I'd also recommend him talking to someone. It could be a phase, but it also might not be.

    It sounds like whatever it is, your Son has a safe space to be himself and he knows he is loved regardless.

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  9. #35
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    Hey OP. No one is doubting your love and dedication for your child. Or that you did the best you could under the circumstances.

    To be honest, although I believe questioning is not the right approach I am not necessarily saying I would not have asked a couple of questions like you did. It's much easier to sit back and think of the 'best' plan when you have the time to do so and aren't personally involved. It's hard thinking of the perfect solution on the spot. I am thinking that's why you posted here, because you thought others that were removed might have some insight that you don't because you are too close to the situation?

    I'm sorry the feedback was confronting and uncomfortable. I understand how it could feel like that. Please don't let that get in the way of taking it all in (everyone's feedback). It's not about being the perfect parent (that's an impossible goal no one myself included is perfect). It's not about being right. It's not about the parents being comfortable. It's about fine tuning what you are doing and finding the approach that will best help the child.

    Good luck.

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    JustJaq  (29-07-2016)

  11. #36
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    OP i think you're doing a great job. You really care about your son and his well being and happiness. I actually found this thread very heartwarming. It's really lovely to see that so many people would not have an issue with their boy dressing up in girls clothing, for whatever reason.

    There is a boy in my sons daycare room who is always in a pink princess dress up dress that he wears over his clothes. I've seen his dad dropping him off in his pink dress and it makes me smile so much that his dad just lets him be who he is.

    Hope you figure it all out.

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  13. #37
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    I just wanted to add, my brother (6 years younger, now early twenties) wore my dresses when he was little say 3 onwards. He loved them and my parents were fine with it and he even wore them to daycare. He is gay, but he's not transgender so I think what you're doing just make it an open environment for him without pushing him one way or another is fantastic.

  14. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    Look, I was asking him questions to try and open a dialogue with him. That's what we do in our house. We talk about things. Me asking the kids questions is nothing new. I did the best I could in situations where I was I felt I was put on the spot. It's not like I've dealt with this at all before. I thought I was doing the best thing by him, by trying to talk to him about it so that he knows it's something he is free to talk about. There was no accusatory tone. It was me going down to his level and asking how I normally ask him anything that's semi-serious. I felt the questions were necessary at the time, because I like to keep an open dialogue with my kids. It went awry but all I had to go off was my previous history in talking to them about things. I'm sorry that when being shocked by something, my first thought was to compliment him, rather than ask why he was upset. I'm sorry that I didn't handle something unexpected, perfectly the first time around and now he is clearly "damaged".

    Please forget I said anything. Bowing out. Will deal with it myself.
    Hey OP, I'm sorry if anything I said upset you. I wasn't saying that you were doing the wrong thing at all. I think you are amazing to ask for feedback from others, which is what I was doing. I work with a lot of vulnerable teenagers and we use the practice of positive behaviour support. It is very new to me, but it makes the world of difference when parenting my own children. I have had to change the way I speak which is extremely hard. But I feel that I was responding to you with a little bit of knowledge on the subject.
    Parenting is so hard but particularly when you feel that your children could be vulnerable to the outside world. We want to wrap them up in cotton wool and protect them forever.

    I know that there would be no accusatory tone at all. I 100% know that you weren't accusing him. All I was saying was that he MAY be confused with the questions. I get confused sometimes and I'm an adult! It was simply a suggestion which is what you were asking for.

    I don't think anyone on here thought you were doing anything wrong at all. We would have all done the same thing. It's human nature to ask questions. We were just giving a suggestion on what you could do in the future to make him feel like he didn't have to hide it from you. It not the perfect suggestion and it may not work, it's just an idea from people who want to help.

    Good luck with it all!

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    smallpotatoes  (29-07-2016)

  16. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    Look, I was asking him questions to try and open a dialogue with him. That's what we do in our house. We talk about things. Me asking the kids questions is nothing new. I did the best I could in situations where I was I felt I was put on the spot. It's not like I've dealt with this at all before. I thought I was doing the best thing by him, by trying to talk to him about it so that he knows it's something he is free to talk about. There was no accusatory tone. It was me going down to his level and asking how I normally ask him anything that's semi-serious. I felt the questions were necessary at the time, because I like to keep an open dialogue with my kids. It went awry but all I had to go off was my previous history in talking to them about things. I'm sorry that when being shocked by something, my first thought was to compliment him, rather than ask why he was upset. I'm sorry that I didn't handle something unexpected, perfectly the first time around and now he is clearly "damaged".

    Please forget I said anything. Bowing out. Will deal with it myself.
    fwiw I interpreted your asking him "hey are you wearing Dora knickers" as just a question as opposed to laying blame or trying to make him feel bad. was going to pipe up and say that earlier when others started asking you why you were confronting him about it but didn't think it was worth it.

    of course it's normal to ask what you did. far out. it's conducive to having normal conversation. in no way did I get any vibes that you were trying to make him feel bad or calling him out on it.

    it sounds as though you've handled it perfectly xx

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  18. #40
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    Do you know anyone transgender or gay? Perhaps you could ask them over.

    Have a basket of dress up clothing and play dress ups one weekend or afternoon.

    MUM AND DAD to participate. On purpose choose the opposite gender clothing.

    Don't laugh treat it as normal!!!!

    Tell him his safe place is at home when he is at home he can wear what ever he chooses. Have his own dresses girls undies toys. If he wears them tell him they look gorgeous on him. Tell him you love him.

    But also tell him some kids at school might not understand and that it's not how it should be. But that how it is. It's not right, but it's how it is.

    Tell him he is loved and someday things will make sense

    Mysticfalls


 

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