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  1. #11
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    He's 6. I don't see the big deal. I agree about buying him his own dress and not make a big fuss about it. Maybe it's a phase, maybe not but. I guess I would approach it like I did with my kids swearing when they were little. I ignored it and they lost interest in swearing. Maybe he wants to be involved with his sisters when they play...hopefully he starts opening up to you OP x

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    He's 6. I don't see the big deal. I agree about buying him his own dress and not make a big fuss about it. Maybe it's a phase, maybe not but. I guess I would approach it like I did with my kids swearing when they were little. I ignored it and they lost interest in swearing. Maybe he wants to be involved with his sisters when they play...hopefully he starts opening up to you OP x
    I'm sorry but swearing is not the same... That is behaviour that you want to corrected... This behaviour is something very different & ignoring it might make him feel isolated & like he's doing something wrong... I think you are doing a great job OP, just keep the dialogue open for him, he'll come around to talking about it once he understands it himself, it might be a phase but who knows, if it's not you want to make sure he can come to you & your DH at anytime, because let's face it, if he is transgender he's probably going to have some tough times ahead as he works out who he is... If it was my child I'd continue to research the topic as much as I can just so I'm prepared if he comes to me for advise.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmyEL View Post
    I'm sorry but swearing is not the same... That is behaviour that you want to corrected... This behaviour is something very different & ignoring it might make him feel isolated & like he's doing something wrong... I think you are doing a great job OP, just keep the dialogue open for him, he'll come around to talking about it once he understands it himself, it might be a phase but who knows, if it's not you want to make sure he can come to you & your DH at anytime, because let's face it, if he is transgender he's probably going to have some tough times ahead as he works out who he is... If it was my child I'd continue to research the topic as much as I can just so I'm prepared if he comes to me for advise.
    When i said ignore, i meant not make a huge fuss over the little bloke in his dress. I didn't mean ignore him. When I wrote it, I thought it may be taken it the wrong way. If he is stressing about it, just maybe saying love the dress, then saying ok off you go and play, is acknowledging him but not making a fuss. Maybe I should have been clearer. Sorry.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 28-07-2016 at 00:53.

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    Could he be feeling guilty over taking the clothes that don't belong to him rather than actually wearing them? I second giving him his own dress. I ordered my girls these awesome spinny dresses that my nephew loved so I ordered him a lightning McQueen spinny dress so he could play with them too.

    I think you're doing a great job handling it so far.

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    Thanks everyone. I guess my biggest "end game" at the moment is making sure he knows he can come to us about absolutely anything. That we will never be ashamed of him and never think less of him etc. That we are his safe space. Hubby is on board with the same thing. He doesn't care if our son wears dresses etc, just wants to make sure there is nothing to be concerned about. That his mental health is okay. We are both just worried because he is becoming withdrawn at the same time. It may or may not be related but it's just coming from a place of concern about how he is feeling.

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    Default 6yo boy hiding wearing dresses etc

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    I hardly see how asking him a few non-accusing questions in order to see how he is feeling is a Spanish Inquisition. How else do you suggest I try to engage with him? It is stressing him. He is so edgy while he is doing it, he's struggling with hiding it, and even today he had friends over and hid in the spare room so he could wear a dress without them seeing. I think a lot more "damage" would be done by not trying to help him open up about it. I want him to know that I am interested and care about what he does. It's not like I sat him down and interrogated him. We asked him some questions, the same way we would if he wasn't eating his lunch or if he was uncharacteristically quiet. We asked questions because we are concerned, because he is clearly stressed. He was stressed before we asked anything, and as I mentioned, he is now happy to talk to me about the undies so my line of concerned questioning seems, to me, to have made him more comfortable.

    We have since, offered to buy him things in his own size seeing as he is 6 and his sister is 3 and consequently her clothes are way too small for him. He just pulls back into himself though and doesn't want to talk about it or go shopping etc.
    We have always been careful to not ever give off the impression that wearing "girls clothes" is bad for him to do, but I do wonder if maybe a boy at school saw the pink undies and said something.
    I have to be honest. When I read your OP and your own description of how your son is questioned I thought Spanish Inquisition. I thought he was being questioned with judgemental undertones as opposed to questioning that creates an open environment where your son feels comfortable about talking about his thoughts and feelings.

    I am not saying this to be hurtful. Just thinking about how your poor son must be feeling - if I , a grown adult, thought Spanish Inquisition what would a 6 year old child think? The fact that he snuck away and changed the pink tights suggests to me he felt embarrassed and Shamed by the questioning.

    Instead of saying "are you wearing pink tights?" Try saying something like "hey, those pink tights are very pretty. I like that they have criss-cross stitching on them, what do you like best about them?"
    Last edited by VicPark; 28-07-2016 at 07:00.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    "Hey, why you got my Dora undies on?"

    "Were you wearing Dora undies?" and he bursts into tears

    . I asked down the hallway, "Do you have pink tights on?"

    . I asked him what was under his jumper and got got a bit squeamish


    . Hubby asked him whats going on and again he burst into tears. So hubby took him into our room, away from the other kids and asked him what was going on.

    Altogether, this is what made me think Spanish Inquisition. Especially the last incident.

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    Be fair VicPark, op and her DH were probably confused themselves and clarifying. This is new to them too. It sounds as though they are wonderfully supportive and only want the best for him.

    I think the tactic of buying items his size will show him that, but perhaps to prepare for a long term plan (if op needs one) it might be best to seek a professionals advice on how to do so more to prepare him for the difficulties he may experience. Society can be a major b1tch.

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    Default 6yo boy hiding wearing dresses etc

    I would probably buy him a few pink things/girls clothes in his size and just leave them in his room? Then he doesn't have to feel like he's taking them from his sister. Or maybe casually say "oh I just thought you might like these". The poor kid sounds stressed, maybe he was teased at school or something? Maybe if he knew you'd bought him a a few things for his own, he might feel less worried about it and open up and talk a bit more.
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 28-07-2016 at 08:39.

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    I agree with Moosey and VP; you need to change your language about it. My DS2 wears girls clothes occasionally, always has. I've always responded positively about it, complimented him, made positive comments about the feel, the fabric, colour etc. I am certain that if as soon as I caught a glimpse of him, I questioned him and asked him WHY are you wearing those things, he would be mortified. Even if you don't mean it in a negative way, kids have a funny way of taking everything as a personal attack, like they've done something wrong.

    That said, his embarrassment does seem pretty extreme, and I wonder if something has come up at school as well.
    Personally I would work on changing the language at home, and see if that makes a difference first.

    You could also mention that you saw a packet of Dora undies in a size 6 in the shops today, does he want you to go back and buy them?
    Also, are your kids into putting on 'shows'? or dances? You could ask them to dress up and put on a show, put all the dress up stuff (boys and girls) in a pile and get them to choose what they want while you guys wait in the lounge room etc, and then you two could also offer to put on a song/dance and dress up in both boys/girls clothes and all have a laugh. Make it feel more normal and not a big deal.

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