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  1. #1
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    Default The utter pointlessness of housework...

    I'm looking around our house at all the toys and clutter. Ms2 is at daycare for 5.5 hours today. I've done 2 loads of laundry, tidied up the overflowing paperwork, unpacked the online shop, wiped down counters and vacuumed. Half an hour doing research into study ideas. Failed attempt at making bread (new aldi bread maker broke). I pick her up in 30mins so will have to wait to sort the laundry. I haven't done anything in the other rooms but even the kitchen / living is still not tidy. What's the point? We go on holidays to cabins and we haven't got all this stuff or space and it's great because we have time to relax and play together. I've got outdoor cushions that have been sat on a handful of times as we never have any time to relax at home as there are never ending jobs. It's so dull and pointless.
    Why do we live in these big suburban houses? We should be living in tiny little apartments with great communal spaces!!?
    Unfortunately with the crazy stamp duty and fees etc dp will not even entertain the idea of moving so I'm stuck. Can't go on strike as I'm the one here all the time sitting in the mess. We have to eat. I can't leave food crumbs as then we'll be sharing with ants. There must be a better way!!!!

  2. #2
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    It often feels like that huh. No sooner have I emptied the last of the laundry into the machine it's full again in under 24 hrs. I spend an hour cleaning up DS1 crayons/papers/books only to have him empty them all out and spread over the place the moment he gets home from kindy.

    TBH I don't think it would be easier in a smaller house. Not for us. Just less storage room to hide stuff. And more clutter. Would be quicker to vacuum, yes.

    I don't know what the solution is. I am still trying to find a routine that works and keeps the place tidy. I know our home is pretty tidy compared to others but I never feel like I am on top of the housework. We are going to invest in a robo vac and hand-held vac for in between clean ups. And use blatant bribery to get DS1 to clean up after himself. Will look at getting a cleaner in once I go back to work.

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  4. #3
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    My daughter is only 4 months yet I live in a house with my husband, our 8 year old son (not mine biologically) and another grown man. I cook every night for 8 sometimes 10 people and my house is NEVER clean. It seems I spend all my time feeding myself, my daughter (who is now on solid food and demands it every 3-4 hours as well as breast milk) and the other two adults during the day. By the time I've done that I need to prepare dinner for everyone, set the table and find some time during the day to f*ing clean the rest of the house let alone have a minute of social life. I get up in the morning and whilst in the bathroom I'm frantically wiping things down, organising towels and cleaning the toilet, so I can get out in time to make my husband his morning cup of tea, breakfast and tidy the living room before he sees it (he has major issues with cleanliness but of course won't raise a finger to help) Get the baby something, get the 8 year old off to school. By the time I have a moment to get myself something it 11am and I need to shower so I can get on with the rest of my day.
    It's endless. Hopeless. Bleh.

  5. #4
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    The thing that makes housework manageable for me is getting the childen involved. So I won't spend time picking up their toys or art gear, but they certainly will if they want to watch their tv show that afternoon! Once they have done it for a few days, it's a lot easier too as they expect it.

    To be fair I'm a bit of a nutter in that I like some housework. I don't so much like cleaning the kitchen but the laundry I do find therapeutic in it's mind numbing dullness. I set easy going standards for myself/us too so no show home here. Just a nice liveable space.

    I know sometimes the routine gets so frustrating though. At those times I like to (go nuts and yell at everybody) and then maybe change something up a bit. Go out somewhere new or whatever. Or have a day or two "off) (as much as mums can) then pick up the pieces later when I feel energised.

  6. #5
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    Do you have a great storage area for 'clutter'? Each type of toy (eg Lego, barbies) have a separate drawer. Doesn't matter how they go in, as long as they are in their correct box it's good enough, you will be able to find the 'parts' as long as they are in the correct box. Much easier to play with, you can take out one drawer, they play, then they fill the drawer then it goes back in. Label them with a picture when the kids are old enough to help put away.

    Ditto for mail/papers etc - dump them in their drawer and set a time to go through them (eg one day before payday). Put on the washing machine and sit on those cushions with a cup of tea and go through the papers till the washing machine stops, job done. Sort into piles, throw out all envelopes and enclosures that come with the bills. Washing is a fact of life, just schedule a task while the cycle is on (my short cycle is 35 minutes).

    Have multiple spots for cleaning products near where they will be used so that you don't have to walk upstairs/downstairs to get them.

    It does get easier as kids get older, but they will always make a mess. Focus on different areas. Who cares if the bench hasn't been wiped on one day this week if the spare room has been revamped? It's just organisation and ensuring that others help.

    My family know that if I come home from work and their breakfast dishes are not either in the dishwasher or stacked in the sink there will be trouble. Just because you're at home (and also studying by the sounds of it) it doesn't mean that you pick up after everyone, they need to help too.

    Tiny apartments get worse with clutter unless you're prepared to throw most of your stuff out, and great communal spaces do exist but there's no place like home where you can be 24-7 hanging in your knickers and a t-shirt. You just need to get organised with storage and get everyone else on board. Best of luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BitsHead View Post
    so I can get out in time to make my husband his morning cup of tea, breakfast and tidy the living room before he sees it (he has major issues with cleanliness but of course won't raise a finger to help) Get the baby something, get the 8 year old off to school
    I hope he pays you extremely well, can he not make a cup of tea? Deal with the fact that there were 10 people in the house last night (and I'm assuming they are not your friends) and they have made a mess? Put a baby in a car to take another child to school, and 'organise towels? What on earth is organising towels? They're either hung up properly or in the washing basket in the laundry. My two cents - you need to either get some house help - if the two people at home can't make their own lunch they may need special care which would help you out. You say it's 'grown man' - who is the other? The 10 people per night needs to stop. It may be a cultural thing - but don't at least the other ladies help? I don't know any cultures where one woman of the house does everything? Does your hubby pay for all of the food? Might be a good compromise, 10 people x $10 per night dinner = $100 once per week for a cleaner or babysitter?

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  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by BitsHead View Post
    My daughter is only 4 months yet I live in a house with my husband, our 8 year old son (not mine biologically) and another grown man. I cook every night for 8 sometimes 10 people and my house is NEVER clean. It seems I spend all my time feeding myself, my daughter (who is now on solid food and demands it every 3-4 hours as well as breast milk) and the other two adults during the day. By the time I've done that I need to prepare dinner for everyone, set the table and find some time during the day to f*ing clean the rest of the house let alone have a minute of social life. I get up in the morning and whilst in the bathroom I'm frantically wiping things down, organising towels and cleaning the toilet, so I can get out in time to make my husband his morning cup of tea, breakfast and tidy the living room before he sees it (he has major issues with cleanliness but of course won't raise a finger to help) Get the baby something, get the 8 year old off to school. By the time I have a moment to get myself something it 11am and I need to shower so I can get on with the rest of my day.
    It's endless. Hopeless. Bleh.
    This sounds horrendous. Why are you rushing to get things tidy to then make your husband a cup of tea and breakfast? It almost sounds like you're scared of his reaction if you don't do these things. You're being treated like a slave 😯

    OP, you need to get your kids involved. Your older two are more than capable of tidying their rooms, making their own beds, putting their own washing away and helping out with other things like stacking and unstacking the dishwasher etc.
    Your youngest can learn how to clean up by cleaning up with you.
    We have half an hour before dinner here that is purely dedicated to cleaning up. Sure the kids protest sometimes. But, we have a chore box...what gets left out goes in the chore box, and they have to do a chore to get it out. If it gets out of control then it gets thrown out on bin night.
    Your hubby can clean up after himself, too.
    Any size house can get messy. I much prefer a small house to clean because it takes less time...but we still all need to pitch in and do things to keep it clean and tidy.

  10. #8
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    The other 10 are close family and friends. His other kids and ex partner who I am friends with also. She does help with cooking and dishes afterwards and if I need her help I can call her and she'll give me a hand if she isn't busy, which is rarely. But I understand. Any help I really appreciate. His other older kids (14 and 16) also do some dishes after tea. We share our expenses. I keep mine in the bank and pay for groceries ect online then if I need extras I just get money off him.
    Organise towels is rolling them so the neat end is facing out and they are neatly stacked. The other grown man is a good friend who needed a hand and just sort of stayed.... He helps. Does dishes and washing sometimes.
    You think a cup of tea is unreasonable. He will be sitting in the living/dining/kitchen (open plan) watching tv while I am frantic in the kitchen and still ask me for a drink of water.
    The 8 year old is okay with his room but I still need to be on top of him about it all the time. *shrug*
    It's my life.

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    I try to get out Tuesday's, Wednesday's, and Thursday's. Mothers groups and things I'd like to go to. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by BitsHead View Post
    My daughter is only 4 months yet I live in a house with my husband, our 8 year old son (not mine biologically) and another grown man. I cook every night for 8 sometimes 10 people and my house is NEVER clean. It seems I spend all my time feeding myself, my daughter (who is now on solid food and demands it every 3-4 hours as well as breast milk) and the other two adults during the day. By the time I've done that I need to prepare dinner for everyone, set the table and find some time during the day to f*ing clean the rest of the house let alone have a minute of social life. I get up in the morning and whilst in the bathroom I'm frantically wiping things down, organising towels and cleaning the toilet, so I can get out in time to make my husband his morning cup of tea, breakfast and tidy the living room before he sees it (he has major issues with cleanliness but of course won't raise a finger to help) Get the baby something, get the 8 year old off to school. By the time I have a moment to get myself something it 11am and I need to shower so I can get on with the rest of my day.
    It's endless. Hopeless. Bleh.
    I'm a SAHM with 3 kids and a husband so I get the incessant mess, cooking, bum changing. But wowsers, your husband and I would be at loggerheads in about 7 seconds. My DH works FT and I also get him coffee in the morning, make his lunch. But there are no expectations. Depending on my night with DS2 and how little sleep I get, sometimes he packs his own lunch. Some nights it's frozen McCain pizza! (although I do cook good meals most nights). DH also helps with the housework and kids, albeit obviously a tiny portion of what I do since he's gone 5 days a week.


 

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