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  1. #21
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    Its a hard one because you don't know how she will react. If she is indeed a little crazy and you work with her then things might get messy. I would just not text back until ready, distance yourself from her slowly. I'm in the process of doing something similar with a "friend". Except this friends dumps all her life problems on me and runs, if I need something she couldn't care less. I'm just not replying to every text and slowly distancing myself it takes a while but eventually they find someone else to cling too.

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    Happyhaps  (24-07-2016)

  3. #22
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    I also have a "friend" like this. She's always sick or having issues and always asks for my help with her kids, etc but almost never helps me out. It was so draining so I started ignoring messages and she did back off and found someone else to complain to/use.
    Good luck

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    Happyhaps  (24-07-2016)

  5. #23
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    From another perspective... I'm assuming this is your first child. In my experience there's nothing more isolating than becoming a parent. Since you can't go out anymore people stop contacting you. It's all great at first, people bring over presents and wanting to cuddle the baby. But by 6mo no one messages you anymore. They know you are busy. They stop trying.

    It's a really hard time. Look to be honest although you find her draining I don't see anything there super bad.

    I hope you don't feel isolated after the baby comes. But if you do you might appreciate her.

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  7. #24
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    You can turn off notifications on chat for how ever long you choose to so you won't see any messages from that person until you turn it back on.

  8. #25
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    Default Clingy friend WWYD

    Ok I admit my wording and tone was more than a bit off this morning, and I apologise.
    I confess that my views on this are tainted as I sit here at home trying to fill another week with 2 little ones and would kill for a friend like that.

    I actually feel very sorry for her and it sounds like she has low self esteem.

    I guess my point is what you are complaining about will most likely become a non issue. Either she will vanish like nearly all your friends tend to do by 6 months in with a baby like @Wise Enough posted about, OR you will be grateful that somebody will come around and show a bit more interest than simply hitting a Like button on Facebook and a clichéd comment

    I know you are an introvert but being home with a baby 7 days a week gets to you. You are grateful for any adult conversation.

    My apologies again for my post this morning I admit it just hit a nerve with me, having twice now been dropped by friends like a hot sack of **** after having a baby. I miss having a close friend.

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Ok I admit my wording and tone was more than a bit off this morning, and I apologise.
    I confess that my views on this are tainted as I sit here at home trying to fill another week with 2 little ones and would kill for a friend like that.

    I actually feel very sorry for her and it sounds like she has low self esteem.

    I guess my point is what you are complaining about will most likely become a non issue. Either she will vanish like nearly all your friends tend to do by 6 months in with a baby like @Wise Enough posted about, OR you will be grateful that somebody will come around and show a bit more interest than hitting a Like button on Facebook

    I know you are an introvert but being home with a baby 7 days a week gets to you. You are grateful for any adult conversation.

    My apologies again for my post this morning I admit it just hit a nerve with me, having twice now been dropped by friends like a hot sack of **** after having a baby. I miss having a close friend.
    This is just one more time I wish we lived closer! I'd love to be your friend!

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  12. #27
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    This is a tough situation. You want to keep her in your life, but not as a third wheel.

    I would approach it under the guise that you want to disconnect (from your phone / internet) as the baby get near. Figure out how to hide your status from here and turn off notifications.

    If she's got any sense she'll take the hint. Good luck!

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    In the lead up to the baby try telling everyone not to contact you as you are concentrating on resting. Say you will let them know when the baby comes. I know many friends driven bonkers by messages asking if there's a baby yet in the final stages.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I've had a friend who was similar, but way worse. The phone calls were constant visits where she would dump all her problems on me and treat me like a counsellor but wasn't interested in me at all. The common trait with these needy type friends is self absorption and self entitlement. So basically narcissism. They in fact are not good friends at all, quite the opposite bc they aren't in the friendship for any other reason but their own gain. A normal friend would message you the morning of the morph scan wishing you luck and then leave it. When they don't hear from you an hour or two later they surmise you haven't gone in yet. Or that you simply are too busy/tired/excited to message back and they'll know soon enough at work anyway. But a self absorbed person keeps calling, bc you should be thinking of them, why haven't you called them back? Don't you know how selfish you are to keep them hanging?

    Likewise with the stalking on FB. She has this sense of entitlement that everyone should acknowledge her every message and feeling right now. A normal person would realise they may be busy. That they may read the message then have a child nagging them and forget to reply (I've done this). Or that just maybe you are annoying them. But again she makes this about her and this entitlement she has.

    These types often are lonely. But it's usually the chicken before the egg. Are they stalking and needy bc they are lonely? Or are they lonely bc their stalky behaviour drives people away? IME it's the latter. People ignore her messages and don't open them bc she drives them nuts, but rather than owning her role she takes to externalising the blame and stalking their FB activity. I found the only way to deal with these sorts is to ditch them, however awful that sounds. Bc addressing the behaviour usually ends with tears and emotional manipulation of how you are so mean and how they are the victim. Given you work with her, it's a tough one
    This explains her perfectly to a tee. Thank you so much for explaining this personality type. Self absorbed and constantly needing attention and affirmation.
    I think I just wish things could go back to the way they were before we started working together, when I really looked forward to catching up with her. And hopefully in a few months once im on maternity leave I wont have the constant contact and feel so suffocated.
    I deleted the Messenger app this morning so my phone isn't constantly going off. Turned of all FB notifications so I'm not notified of everything she tags me in.
    As I mentioned, my uncle is on his way out and everytime the phone goes off my heart starts racing. I also haven't been on FB since yesterday. She has obviously noticed that I haven't been 'active' (or has messaged me on messenger and seen that I haven't opened any of her messages) so she messaged my phone saying "You haven't been online whats happening??? Are you alive? You need to see what I just tagged you in, it's so funny!!!"

    This was my reply:
    Hey thanks for your concern, everything is fine. I'm having a break from social media and have had a very quiet weekend with the bf. I hope you have enjoyed your weekend and look forward to catching up tomorrow x.

    She then took my reply as an invitation for her to tell me about what a a boring weekend she's had, a funny thing that her cat has started doing, how her bf stayed out til 2am and didn't pick up his phone, and that she burnt her roast tonight.

    I'm sitting her down tomorrow and telling her that the constant communication has become too full on.

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  18. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    From another perspective... I'm assuming this is your first child. In my experience there's nothing more isolating than becoming a parent. Since you can't go out anymore people stop contacting you. It's all great at first, people bring over presents and wanting to cuddle the baby. But by 6mo no one messages you anymore. They know you are busy. They stop trying.

    It's a really hard time. Look to be honest although you find her draining I don't see anything there super bad.

    I hope you don't feel isolated after the baby comes. But if you do you might appreciate her.

    I think it might depend on what type of person you are TBH. I try to keep 1-2 close friends and that's it. They're usually people in my family (my best friend is my cousin). I am so looking forward to people stopping trying to contact me once I have my baby! It sounds awful I know, but the friends I have, and want, I want to see about every 3 months at the most and, other than the 2 close friends, if the others drift away it won't bother me in the slightest.

    I've had a couple of friends that I consider clingy, who other people would consider just interested in your life and a good friend. I've stepped away from them for a while, then made contact again a few years down the track thinking I 'should' try harder with friendships. I've regretted it every time. My DH and I do everything together and I just simply don't have the time or desire to have too many friends, never have. Even at school is have one or two good friends and actively avoid anyone who was even slightly clingy in my eyes. People just exhaust me for some reason.

    Not saying the OP will feel the same, just how I am.


 

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