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  1. #11
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    To me you are both incompatible as friends. You require little social interaction and I guess wouldn't really have a "best friend" or could do without one as such where she wants really close friends that she sees all the time etc.

    I don't really see it working out between you. You need to just be blunt and honest. Tell her you don't like her messaging you all the time. To me I think you just need to end the friendship. That's the way she is and you can't handle that (which is perfectly okay). Not every nice person that you get along with is going to make a great friend.

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  3. #12
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    I could picture myself sending those messages...

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I thought friends were meant to want to talk to one another? Show an interest in one another?
    You're annoyed that she's excited for you and your pregnancy? How rude she wanted a simple msg to let her know the scan went ok.

    I think she sounds like an awesome friend. Loyal and interested. I'd have her.

    You come across as mean. petty and ungrateful.
    If you don't want to talk to her then don't. If you don't want to be interrupted put your phone on silent (or away) like most others do.

    But yanno, I thought friends were meant to be there for each other. Be careful, you might lose one of the best friends you could ever have. And trust me, friends can be hard to come by when you're isolated with a little one and up in the night with no one to vent to.
    I get where you're coming from and I do agree friends are hard to come by and make. especially asx we get older.

    but that's no reason to tolerate friends if they're making you uncomfortable. the OP is clearly needing a bit of space. I don't see anything wrong with that.

    OP I have a friend who can be a little intense...has to know everything. I remember before my then DP and I went overseas on a big trip 4 years ago she made me swear I'd phone her up the second I got engaged (she was convinced he was going to pop the question, which he did). I didn't phone her til we got back as we didn't tell anyone right away and just wanted to enjoy it for ourselves.

    then when it came to baby making, she was hounding me for ages...so when are you going to start trying, are you trying etc etc. again, I didn't want to say too much as its private and I wasn't sure if we were going to have issues etc.

    it sounds like your friend means well and could be a fabulous mate, she just needs to learn to back off.

    how comfortable would you be grabbing a coffee or lunch with her and just being brutally honest? say you love being friends but you're finding the friendship a bit much at the moment given you are now seeing eachother all day at work. just say you need sons space and could she please respect that.

    it's definitely an awkward situation. she does sound lonely.

    I think if you tread carefully this could be resolved with minimal damage to her ego and your friendship. good luck!

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  7. #14
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    I have a friend sort of similar but visits at home right on sleep time. Every time. 😡

    But she is a nice person. She's very thoughtful. So i just suck it up.

  8. #15
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    Default Clingy friend WWYD

    As hard as confrontation can be, honesty is always the best approach especially since this isn't just a big party or something that's exciting for now, but will then end at some stage ... If you try and cover it by saying you are using social media less etc the problem will continue and tbh she might just not get the point that she's the problem. The other thing is she may not realise how her behaviour is smothering you, I am an introvert and I've had many uncomfortable conversations regarding this sort of behaviour with friends, and yes, some since announcing my pregnancy... It's awkward for a few minutes but both sides are much better off knowing and speaking the truth and it will give you the chance to establish boundaries.... Plus it's a good test because if she is a good friend she will correct her behaviour, if not then you have your answer and a reason to dismiss the friendship. At the end of the day we all deserve the chance to acknowledge where we have gone wrong and try to fix it before being completely ditched as a friend.... Good luck
    Last edited by rain2016; 24-07-2016 at 10:57.

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  10. #16
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    I agree with being honest about how you feel. It may be hard to say it in a way that will not cause offence or hurt feelings.

    How much longer will she be working at your company? Is it a temporary arrangement?

  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I thought friends were meant to want to talk to one another? Show an interest in one another?
    You're annoyed that she's excited for you and your pregnancy? How rude she wanted a simple msg to let her know the scan went ok.

    I think she sounds like an awesome friend. Loyal and interested. I'd have her.

    You come across as mean. petty and ungrateful.
    If you don't want to talk to her then don't. If you don't want to be interrupted put your phone on silent (or away) like most others do.

    But yanno, I thought friends were meant to be there for each other. Be careful, you might lose one of the best friends you could ever have. And trust me, friends can be hard to come by when you're isolated with a little one and up in the night with no one to vent to.
    Wow I'm not sure if you wanted your post to come across as aggressive as it did, but if you did intend to put me down like that then I think thats completely nasty and uncalled for. How am I mean, petty and ungrateful for wanting my own time enjoying my pregnancy without someone who keeps trying to have 24/7 contact with me over trivial things? If we were apart for a few days then I would happily message her in my own time if I had something to say. Not straight after a 10 hour shift together where we sit side by side.
    I am a private person who, after interacting with clients all day long enjoys coming home to a quiet house away from people for a few hours, before I do it all again the next day. She knows this. All of my other friends know I'm easily drained after spending time with people, thats who I am.
    The day of my scan was meant to be special for my partner and I (as its the first one he's been able to make it to) and she knew I was then visiting my family and his family to tell them the gender, before coming into work. She couldn't wait a few hours for me to tell her face to face how it went.

    The whole point of my question was to keep the friendship but to get my point across to her that its suffocating and overwhelming having her keep constant tabs on me.

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  13. #18
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    Thanks for the other feedback. There were a group of 6 of us at high school who have stayed friends and still do dinners and social things monthly. She is part of this group so I know that I'm not her only friend. She has many friends as well as a lovely partner so I know that I'm not the only source of social interaction to her. I guess I'll sit her down tomorrow and tell her how it's getting to much for me.
    I have a very sick family member and rely on my phone for any updates at the moment, so I guess thats also part of not wanting my phone going off through the night because of her wanting small talk.

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  15. #19
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    I've had a friend who was similar, but way worse. The phone calls were constant visits where she would dump all her problems on me and treat me like a counsellor but wasn't interested in me at all. The common trait with these needy type friends is self absorption and self entitlement. So basically narcissism. They in fact are not good friends at all, quite the opposite bc they aren't in the friendship for any other reason but their own gain. A normal friend would message you the morning of the morph scan wishing you luck and then leave it. When they don't hear from you an hour or two later they surmise you haven't gone in yet. Or that you simply are too busy/tired/excited to message back and they'll know soon enough at work anyway. But a self absorbed person keeps calling, bc you should be thinking of them, why haven't you called them back? Don't you know how selfish you are to keep them hanging?

    Likewise with the stalking on FB. She has this sense of entitlement that everyone should acknowledge her every message and feeling right now. A normal person would realise they may be busy. That they may read the message then have a child nagging them and forget to reply (I've done this). Or that just maybe you are annoying them. But again she makes this about her and this entitlement she has.

    These types often are lonely. But it's usually the chicken before the egg. Are they stalking and needy bc they are lonely? Or are they lonely bc their stalky behaviour drives people away? IME it's the latter. People ignore her messages and don't open them bc she drives them nuts, but rather than owning her role she takes to externalising the blame and stalking their FB activity. I found the only way to deal with these sorts is to ditch them, however awful that sounds. Bc addressing the behaviour usually ends with tears and emotional manipulation of how you are so mean and how they are the victim. Given you work with her, it's a tough one

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  17. #20
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    Default Clingy friend WWYD

    I've had a friend like this and I have to say honesty doesn't always go down well. The person usually doesn't realise that they are doing stalkerish and suffocating stuff so it come as a surprise. I'll go against the grain and say that I wouldn't confront her, especially as you work together.

    In my experience if you try to pull back and not engage then she will find another to latch onto. I'd say that you're cutting down on your online time and won't be using messenger much, in prep for your baby arriving. I'd try ignoring messages for awhile, and see how that goes.

    If you defriend or block her, she might turn if she gets hurt. In my experience, it does not end well, especially as you have mutual friends. Especially as it sounds like she does care about you.

    If she comments about you being online at a certain time I'd probably say something like "why do you keep checking up on me".

    I've been there, it's hard!
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 24-07-2016 at 18:10.

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