Hi all. I'm sorry to intrude. I know this can be an emotion subject of course.
I'm unsure if I am suffering postnatal depression. I'm unsure if I was suffering depression before I got pregnant at all. I worry about talking to my husband about this as he HAS suffered depression and I don't want to sound so heartless if I am only suffering some kind of blue period.
Before I was pregnant at around 16-17 I started getting angry ALL THE TIME. I would snap at the smallest things. I was very over emotional and noticed that I didn't particularly care about how others felt when I was 'venting' until way afterwards when the damage was done and irreversible. Sometimes even then I wouldn't care. I thought (and still do sometimes) that my emotional outbursts were warranted and the other person had wronged me.
Now, my baby is 4 months old. I am pretty much screaming at my husband everyday, I cry all the time, sometimes as the result of a fight with my spouse sometimes for no reason. I have been so angry at him I have thought of hurting myself, then thoughts of my daughter calm me. I feel like my life is wasted. I'm 22, I stay at home all day everyday, cooking, cleaning (which I can never get on top of) looking after my husband and our child as he does nothing, and then blames me for it, saying he has to look after me because of my moods. However he sits (and usually drinks) on the couch and literally watches TV, ALL DAY. He was a professional cook but will not cook for me, (admittedly I really enjoy cooking) but I would like a break, especially now with the baby. He tells me I'm loosing 'it' (my body). I try to work out, I have my own gym, but between babying and house stuff plus phone calls and all the rest I am just........ Stuffed. I have a wonderful life. A beautiful daughter, my own house, cars (but I don't have my licence). And I just feel so empty and like I've wasted my whole life. I know I'm young but I still have nothing to show for myself. I feel unwanted, (sexual issues I don't want to discuss) hopeless and stuck. Like this is all I'll ever be. I feel absolutely miserable.
I hope I haven't offended anyone.