I'm about 5weeks pregnant, I found out 2days ago. I am still in shock that I'm pregnant especially since I read it was going to be so hard to concieve since dp is on pain killers. Well that info was wrong, took one month.
I have liked the idea of having a family and another kid, I've been a single parent to my 10yr old. And, For a few years now, I get so Clucky about it all, I want to hug every baby. But just because I like the idea doesn't make it right to go do it, does it?
I have a lot of moments where I'm happy and excited. But the other side is complete dread and wondering if I'm making the right decision. I've had a tough life past 11yrs, I've looked after my son for 10. I have just started enjoying the freedom of being able to have time on my own, not only when he's at school but when he's home. We go out and its easy, he is great company now. He cooks himself breakfast, gets changed, has a shower, I can breathe and be myself now, and I'm gonna have another baby!! Why, I ask myself. And accepting this kind of change is the most difficult one right now.
I dread the pregnancy hormones that will cause me great depression which I have a history of. I dread giving birth, it will hurt!! And I dread the aftermath of a crying baby, tantrums etc when I was just starting to be free of all that. I worry that I won't cope and it will be a bad decision for me, the only difference now is that I have a supportive partner, but then we haven't been together that long, I'm sure he will be a good father and treat me well but maybe I should've waited a bit longer to know for sure coz I don't want to be a single mother again, that would break me.