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  1. #21
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    My rule of thumb with the physical contact thing is - whose needs are being met?

    If a child is hurt then giving them a gentle rub on the back as they sob is meeting their needs if it helps them calm down.

    In no way is massaging a teacher meeting your average student's needs.

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    I wouldn't like it. Like someone else mentioned, when I was a kind I would have been horrified at being asked to do so, and way too petrified to say no. I'm not against all physical contact. My 3yo daughter would be distraught if she couldn't give her preschool teacher cuddles, but that's up to my daughter. But massaging just seems a bit too far for me. But I am not even remotely touchy feely, I don't even like the idea of massaging my husband, or vice versa so my opinion might tend to be a bit biased. I don't know.

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    I wouldn't allow it. As parent I would be letting both teacher and the principal know that it is not in writing.
    I know my stance is strong. It's simply not appropriate.

    I had teacher that did this and he was a charged with child sexual offences. This was part of his grooming routine.

    Some My children have sensory issues and that sort of touch would be bad for them. It would send them into a panic attack.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 20-07-2016 at 18:38.

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    I actually had this discussion with a couple of other teachers a few years ago. I was suprised to find out that I was the only one of the opinion that 'it's not ok'. The other teachers all argued that the kids were asked as a group 'who would like to give Miss K a massage while I read the book?' & then the kids were allowed to put their hand up to volunteer. No one was forced, & I was told that the kids loved it. She even had a jar of hand/ massage cream, & she would hold out one hand & the chosen child would get to massage the cream into her hand.

    Honestly, it just seems so icky to me. We teach kids about appropriate/ inappropriate touch as sexual abuse prevention, & this seems to waaaay cross over the line.

    I also feel like the argument of 'the kids love it' smacks of abuse of power. I'm sure a 14 year old boy loves having s3x with his hot 25 year old teacher in situations where that has occurred - it doesn't make it ok.

    I also hate how unprofessional it is. Us teachers complain that we go to uni for 4 years, but then are not respected in our role as professionals, and are not paid accordingly, as other professionals are... and then go and pull sh!t like this?! Would you expect it was ok for a lawyer to be massaged during court? If you want respect in your profession, you have to act professional. Not sitting around asking kids to massage you when your job is to educate them.

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    I've never heard of children doing this to the teacher and I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

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    Gosh, how strange My kids dont don't go to school yet but i wouldn't be happy if i heard something like this was going on. We try and teach our kids about personal space/boundaries etc...this could create confusion.

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    For all of the reasons described so far I would be very not ok with this and if it occurred in my DDs classroom I would raise it with the school in a very strong manner.

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    Wtf... Kids aren't there to meet the teachers need for comfort/therapy/power...

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    I am a teacher and this is NOT ok. It is against department guidelines and in no way can be justified. You should inform the principal because this is wrong. Even if you and your kids r ok with it, other kids might not be and their parents might not know. There is no justification for this, even if the teacher has innocent intentions, they should know better and if they dont, they should be told. It is totally inappropriate and i am astounded. If there was only 1 rule for teachers, it would be: dont touch the kids! Asking them to touch you is beyond belief. You dont know the teachers intentions or how the children feel about this, so that why there is a hard and fast rule, to protect all the kuds from people who might be creepy. Its better to protect them all needlessly than have ine kid abused or manipulated. JUST NO!

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Wtf... Kids aren't there to meet the teachers need for comfort/therapy/power...
    I think this is the key here. As @harvs mentioned - as a teacher I often have kids come to me upset and wanting a hug, I've always worked in schools where this was ok, provided:
    - it is initiated by the child
    - it is to meet the child's needs
    - it is in an open and public place
    I also tend to make it a quick 'pat on the back' type of hug or a 'hand on the shoulder'.
    As far as massaging the teacher, I remember it happening when I was at school and I have once, very recently, seen a colleague do it. To be honest it makes me very uncomfortable as it steps over the line of whose needs are being met.
    My kids love to help out their teacher, but there are plenty of other ways to allow students to feel helpful.


 

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