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  1. #1
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    Default Who did you choose as guardian in your will?

    DD is now 3 months old. We can't decide on who to leave her with if the unthinkable happened.

    What things did you consider when choosing who to leave your children with?
    Did you ask the potential guardians if they wanted to do it first?
    Did you choose a couple? Or two people who are not together (ie one sibling from each parents side etc)?

    Of course this is not an easy subject so I hope it doesn't upset anyone!

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    Dd1 is ours. We talked about when she was 17 and organised it when she turned 18. We also made sure it was written in that the kids move to her. That she can sell the house to help her raise them.

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    My mother is still quite young and the kids would go to her with weekend visitation to FIL, as my own father has cancer.

    FIL would enable continuity of activities such as football that the kids do now with him and DH.

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    We picked my MIL. She is who I trust more than anyone apart from hubby. She parents similar to me and has the same values. We spoke to her about it in depth and even verbally agreed on what we would like done (ie she will receive a hefty amount from life insurance because we want her to be a stay home parent. She agreed). She is a single parent with 3 adult children and a 10 year old. We didn't have to ask really. She made it overwhelmingly clear that she would gladly have them into her home.

    We had two girls (a couple) listed for if MIL was unable but have decided to remove them and are trying to think of a are too on-again-off-again and they drag people into it and we just don't need that kind of drama for children who have just lost their parents.

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    What things did you consider when choosing who to leave your children with?

    We considered who had a similar parenting style and values, whether they already had kids and what ages they were, what their financial position was (financially stable and good with money management), and what their relationship was like (long term, solid relationship so that the kids hopefully wouldn't have to go through a break-up). We also considered age & health - my mum is young, but has had poor health, so we preferred someone younger who would be more able to keep up with young kids, and as bad as it sounds - someone less likely to pass away in the next 10-15 years, so that the kids wouldn't have to be moved again. Also of course, someone that the kids had a good relationship with.



    Did you ask the potential guardians if they wanted to do it first?

    Yes, we asked them first as it's not the sort of thing you want to spring on someone out the blue after your gone!



    Did you choose a couple? Or two people who are not together (ie one sibling from each parents side etc)?

    We chose my brother. He's engaged to his long term girlfriend and they have 2 kids together. However, our lawyer advised against naming her on the will as if they broke up or he passed away, then she would still get the kids. We love her and wouldn't necessarily have an issue with this, but wouldn't want to burden her with 2 extra kids to support that weren't hers and technially weren't her family.

    So we put a chain of custody that went 1. My brother, 2. My sister, 3. My mum.

    We wanted to make sure we covered all of these bases as we were worried that DH's parents might try to get custody and we didn't want that to happen.

    Just be aware that even though it's written in your will, custody can be contested and the courts will make a decision based on the best interests of the child, not necessarily what's in your will.

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    We have my parents, because they are similar parenting styles to us also they are the best choice for our children, stable home, good super/income and live near my sisters who would be able to help them out, when they get older we will review it and most likely change to my younger sister.

    Absolutely we told them and also have discussed in length with every family member (dhs and mine) our wishes, why we have made the decision and asked for respect in our decision should it ever eventuate.

    Good luck in your decision it's not an easy one.

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    My folks have been chosen as my sister lives overseas but she is second choice if my folks aren't able to. If only myself pops off my folks and DP would have shared care of both kids. DP works 630 to 5 so 2 small kids would be quite hard. All assests to be sold off and held in trust until 21yrs with a small portion released when DS1 turns 18 for them to help with uni etc. Assets aka my our I bought before I knew DP. So in turn that's why it would be sold off as all their $ has been put into their business (DP 6 yrs younger then me

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    My first choice is my parents and we asked them first. I had a good childhood, they are both youngish and active that they could look after them.

    I have considered my sister but I think her husband has a different parenting style to us so I probably wouldn't.

    I actually would consider a good friend of ours but it's a really big ask so Ive put it off

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    We chose my DS1, he is 21. We absolutely discussed it in detail before drawing up the will. When asked where he would want his brother (in August it will be brothers!) to go he answered without hesitation, with him.

    TBH I don't know what his parenting style will be. But I do know that he understands what I want from his as a parent - I want for his brothers what I gave him.

    My sister is back up and DS1 knows she is there as back up should he need it.

    We also spoke with all other members of immediate family and let them know our decision. That we expected them to respect that decision and to support DS1 in the event the worst did happen.

    Whatever you decide make sure you get good advice. It's not just about where your children live - it's also about what happens to your assets and how those are used for your children etc...

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    We chose my sister followed by DH's sister.
    Our decision was based on similar values, the importance both of them place on education, which is important to me and the fact that we like them!


 

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