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  1. #1
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    Default Rules when children's friends are over?

    DD(5) currently has a friend at our place for a sleepover. The girls are both 5 and my DS is 3. Ever since the friend arrived last night both girls have been a bit mean to DS saying things like "we don't want to play with you" or "No DS, you are too little to do this with us" or "get out of my room". While I understand they are girls and they are a little bit older I'm not happy with them treating DS like that so I've been stepping in a bit and telling the girls they need to include him. After a while he tends to leave them alone and do his own thing anyway so they do get their own time. He has been annoying them a bit sometimes so I've also tried to keep him out of their way at times.

    I'm just wondering what others do? Am I being too strict my making them include him? I'm interested to know how this plays out at other peoples houses!

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    I think this is pretty normal behaviour and I personally wouldn't force them to include him, but maybe gently encourage to at least let him play near them, or I would just try to take his attention away from them and do an activity with him so he isn't on his own. Also, I would tell them not to close the door, that's a no-no in our house.

    It's a bit heartbreaking when your child gets excluded like that.. my boy experienced it at one of his best friend's birthday parties where the birthday girl (same age as DS) was playing with some older girls and they ran off to her room and wouldn't let him join them. He didn't understand why he couldn't join and was very sad. It's a bit different because she isn't my daughter but I didn't interfere with them, I just took DS to another area of the party and got him engaged in something else. DS was 4.

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  4. #3
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    In that situation I'd probably keep the 3 year old busy doing something else. Sounds like pretty typical 5 year old behaviour. It's not like your DD will have a friend over all the time so I'm sure her brother can give them a bit of space.

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    Default Rules when children's friends are over?

    Very normal . I'd keep your DS away from the girls and let them play. I'm sure he gets plenty of time with his sister . Let them have their girly time .
    I had 2,5 yrs between my DS and DD and I never made either include the other when they had friends over .

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    I would encourage them to include him in a couple of things then for majority of the time I would take ds and keep him busy so the girls could play their games.
    Sometimes siblings just want to play with their friend without little brothers or sisters around.

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    The rule in our house is all inclusive play for some of the time...left on their own the majority of the time. I avoid playdates where one kid will be without a friend where possible...it's easier to have them paired off with a friend each ☺

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    I tell my dd (we had same scenario many times) - if they can include him for a little while, great but if not there is to be no nastiness about it. Nastiness = no friends over. And if she's happy to treat her siblings that way when friends are over, then to be prepared to receive the same treatment back when ds1 has friends over. She didn't like that so cut the nastiness out instantly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    The rule in our house is all inclusive play for some of the time...left on their own the majority of the time.
    This is what we do. There are periods where they all have to play together, then they are allowed to do their own thing. That way everyone wins. I don't think it's fair to force older kids to include younger sibs the whole playdate/sleep over.

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    I haven't encountered this as yet as I have a DD 3 and DS 1, but I think for me it would be a case of if they are playing in the living room/common areas then they have to expect the younger sibling to be somewhat involved and generally around and they would need to be inclusive and respectful in the scenario. If they were playing in DDs room (observing rules likes door open etc) then I think it would be reasonable for them to expect DS not to be involved and I would do my best to keep him occupied and out of their way.

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  18. #10
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    It happens here sometimes. If the kids have friends over and want to be left alone I take the other kids out (if partner is home) or he takes them out (if he's not at work).

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