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  1. #11
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    I think kids remember quality time spent. Not money and big, grand holidays but time. Board games, chasing around the house being silly.

    I feel for you. My DDs father has been overseas with his new wife and her two kids giving up his holiday time with his two DDs. He was also to have spent DD9 birthday with her, but left the day before. Then a week later didn't call DD12 for her birthday until the next day (they were back from overseas by then, they forgot).

    She will remember that, you can't go forgetting things like that once they get older.

    Both my DDs know that he doesn't spend time with them and get rather annoyed and have both voiced the view that he is picking his step children over them.

    So, no I don't think they will resent you for it at all.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    I know each person/child will respond differently with similar experiences in life but I really want to reassure some of you mummies who are trying your best. As the (now grown) child in this situation I can tell you that in the long run a child notices, remembers and deeply knows when a parent gives them everything within their means. The child eventually sees both parents for who they are. They feel where the unconditional love came from. It's normal for teenagers to go through a very selfish phase and behave in ways that make you doubt this but wait just a few more years and you will have a beautiful relationship with your adult child..... While your xDH is lonely and never gets to feel what you have. Good luck. Xxx
    I just want to reiterate this, I don't even speak to my biological father (he lives O/S anyway), my Mum and I never went on holidays, I was on vacation care every holidays and I hated it at the time and was a huge brat about it at times but I am so close with my Mum and understand the sacrifices she made for me and am forever grateful, I don't look back on my childhood with resentment for her at all, but have nothing nice to say about my bio Dad.

  3. #13
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    I hope this is ok op but I just want to add another thought.....

    IMO no, children will not resent the material things that they miss out on but once they start really noticing they are being set aside while their father is off spending time and money on other people they will also start to wonder WHY. They might complain about not getting the 'things' but really they will be thinking that there must be something wrong or unworthy about themselves. We as adults know that it is ALL about xDH. It is a flaw in his character to treat his children this way but the kids can't see this. From my pov I don't think you should worry about making up for the stuff your kids are missing out on but instead put heaps of effort into boosting their self esteem and helping them see that it has NOTHING at all to do with them. It is all him and not about them. This is a very difficult lesson to learn unfortunately but they will get there. Xxx

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to RedCreamingSoda For This Useful Post:

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    I hope this is ok op but I just want to add another thought.....

    IMO no, children will not resent the material things that they miss out on but once they start really noticing they are being set aside while their father is off spending time and money on other people they will also start to wonder WHY. They might complain about not getting the 'things' but really they will be thinking that there must be something wrong or unworthy about themselves. We as adults know that it is ALL about xDH. It is a flaw in his character to treat his children this way but the kids can't see this. From my pov I don't think you should worry about making up for the stuff your kids are missing out on but instead put heaps of effort into boosting their self esteem and helping them see that it has NOTHING at all to do with them. It is all him and not about them. This is a very difficult lesson to learn unfortunately but they will get there. Xxx
    Absolutely agree...


 

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