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  1. #1
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    Default Children missing out

    When we were together, ex H was too busy to ever take time off to go away anywhere with myself and the kids.

    Now we've split, he takes his GF(s) away every long weekend and then bigger trips almost every 2 months - OS junkets included. Money is no issue to him

    My kids have noticed and ask why he couldn't ever do anything with them, but can go away so much now. They especially notice as their friends all disappear for holidays during the school breaks, yet they never go anywhere.

    The thing is that with the kids and the bills, I'd be battling to afford to even go camping.

    I don't trust the ex as he isn't a great father and I wouldn't trust him with them (he has never had them overnight is the 2.5 yrs we've been separated), so I wouldn't let them go anywhere with him.

    Has anyone had this same issue? Do the kids resent you for it, now or when they're older? I feel bad not being able to give then any of these extra things in life

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    Arghh...I am in the same position as you but my XDH is a decent dad....I also really struggle financially and it bugs me I can't do for my kids what I could do when married.
    Yes, kids notice, but I think they also come to grasp and understand why they cant/don't do things. You're children will grow to learn their dad is a bit of a douche canoe, who didn't put them first...or even 2nd by the sounds of things. They will also learn and grow to appreciate that you have done and are doing the very best for them with the resources you have. If they resent anyone it will be their father...who has the means but doesn't bother.
    I am pretty honest with kids, and simply tell them I just can't afford that at the moment. Holidays are really important to me, so it's a priority to save for - I put away $10-20/wk into my "holiday" fund and try to get away somewhere cheap each year.

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    Js Mum  (09-07-2016)

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    Yep I can relate. Since exdh stopped paying child support, I'm struggling to pay bills and even going to the movies is difficult to budget for. A holiday is out of the question.

    My kids are older and yes they do notice we never go on holidays, they notice that exdh goes overseas, has just bought a new car and likes to spend on himself (notice how I said he is too poor to pay child support?). Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. Am looking for a better paying job but it is taking longer than anticipated because I'm fussy about what I want.

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    Js Mum  (09-07-2016)

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    Default Children missing out

    I know each person/child will respond differently with similar experiences in life but I really want to reassure some of you mummies who are trying your best. As the (now grown) child in this situation I can tell you that in the long run a child notices, remembers and deeply knows when a parent gives them everything within their means. The child eventually sees both parents for who they are. They feel where the unconditional love came from. It's normal for teenagers to go through a very selfish phase and behave in ways that make you doubt this but wait just a few more years and you will have a beautiful relationship with your adult child..... While your xDH is lonely and never gets to feel what you have. Good luck. Xxx
    Last edited by RedCreamingSoda; 09-07-2016 at 17:04.

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    [QUOTE=SSecret Squirrel; exdh goes overseas, has just bought a new car and likes to spend on himself (notice how I said he is too poor to pay child support?). Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. [/QUOTE]

    This is another thing that bugs me - why can't CSA chase him up for the money for you and force him to pay?

    Hope he starts to pay up soon xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    you will have a beautiful relationship with your adult child..... While your xDH is lonely and never gets to feel what you have. Xxx
    I hope so, but re the xH, I doubt it - he barely fits them into his lifestyle. Between the girlfriend/s and the holidays, he is living the exact life he wants and loving every minute of it.

    Waiting for the karma bus to run him down, but I think it's broken down somewhere far, far away

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    Yep my exH is the same, runs off with the fiancé ever chance he can get and my son always comes last.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Js Mum View Post
    This is another thing that bugs me - why can't CSA chase him up for the money for you and force him to pay?

    Hope he starts to pay up soon xx
    It's complicated. I lodged a COA in but am not expecting much. He stopped working last year and has no income on paper anyway. Obviously has access to money though.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 10-07-2016 at 08:35.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Js Mum View Post
    I hope so, but re the xH, I doubt it - he barely fits them into his lifestyle. Between the girlfriend/s and the holidays, he is living the exact life he wants and loving every minute of it.

    Waiting for the karma bus to run him down, but I think it's broken down somewhere far, far away
    But I wonder if those people that he's having fun with now will visit him in the nursing home or stand by his side when life gets seriously real??? We don't really know the answer but I personally would rather the love and respect of my children over anyone else. His loss I reckon...... Xxx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Js Mum View Post
    I hope so, but re the xH, I doubt it - he barely fits them into his lifestyle. Between the girlfriend/s and the holidays, he is living the exact life he wants and loving every minute of it.

    Waiting for the karma bus to run him down, but I think it's broken down somewhere far, far away
    Don't worry, the bus will come....but in reality who cares about him?? Don't lose time or energy watching for his bus...
    I think even younger (around age 10+) children know..they know their dad is letting them down, even though for a long time they pretend he is their hero, they really want to believe they have a good dad...but they know and soon enough they admit it to themselves even if they say nothing to anyone else. My DS feels very let down by his dad, and sometimes voices it (and it's nowhere near as bad as your ex OP)


 

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