I understand your concerns completely but I would take your DD and just let some barriers down. I distinctly remember my MIL calling us at 5pm one afternoon asking if we could visit GMIL, I remember being so frustrated and annoyed that she'd called right at witching hour but DH insisted we go. It was the last time we ever saw her alive and we all remember that last visit fondly. Hand sanitiser and a new toy each visit $1 or $2 from Kmart should help to keep her occupied long enough.
My father was in pallative care for 13 days after a long illness. During that time i took my 3 year old twins to see him each day. Yes it was a pain in the bum and a logistical nightmare, but I just did it. Can you imagine 2 x 3 year olds in a 5 x5 mtr room. Just take some games for the floor and some sanitiser. i will remember the joy on his face until the day I die myself. At this stage it is all about your FIL. Do what you can to make him happy even if he calls your daughter 'booby' .It may be annoying now but in ten years time youmay look back and giggle.
I think that it is important to support your husband at this stage, he is probably already grieving for his dad and doing this may give him a little happiness too.
Big love to all of you at this time. ♥️
Thinking of your DH and your family at this sad time
I would definitely take her.
I work in aged care, I don't really agree that any of what you've said in your OP will be an issue at all.
The man is dying. Your husband will loose his father, your daughter will loose her grandfather.
The fact you are saying you don't have time because of work and building a house is just selfish and I hope your husband doesn't resent you for that down the track.
You do not know what tomorrow will bring but you have today. Take your daughter to see her grandfather. No it won't be a pleasant experience for you but it's not about you. You don't have to stay long but you do have to visit or allow your husband to take her.
I sympathize with you in regards to your anxieties, I have anxiety and I totally get that it's hard not to catastrophize everything. But I think you need to keep some perspective and realize that that is what you are doing and what matters more right now is your DH and your FIL and not your excuses for not wanting to go.
My FIL died last year. We are currently living in London so DH had to fly back to say goodbye to him and he decided he wanted DS and myself not to come as he thought it was unfair to make DS travel all of that way back to Australia for only a week. It is one of my biggest regrets that I didn't insist on us going, not just to say goodbye to FIL myself but to also have given him the opportunity to see DS again and to just have been there for my husband during such an awful time of his life.
There are some great ideas here I hope you consider. Your reasons aren't worth the risk of resentment and regret.
The end stage of life is rarely pleasant or easy.
You have been given a rare opportunity that other families do not get to spend some time with your FIL before he passes. Nicknames that annoy you are all petty and do not matter in the long run.
Your FIL will no doubt be aware he does not have long left, please do not deny him the small moments of joy to see his grandchild.
Yes the days might be long and arduous but it is such a small timeframe of your life.
Your dh deserves to spend time with his dad in his dying days and vice versa.
Your dd will not remember this time but your dh will appreciate it and photos will last forever.
Go see him. Spend time with him. The man is dying.
My condolences to your family in this time xxx
(I work in aged care and your excuses or concerns are honestly not big issues and mostly unfounded)
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 07-07-2016 at 07:01.
At the nursing home I work at, they have a cafe in one of the buildings(huge facility of over 500 residents). It's all accessible with cover so you can go regardless of the weather. As others have stated, there are private dining rooms/maybe loungeroom if they aren't communal available. Sometimes you just need to call the reception and make a booking.
Another good idea as someone previously mentioned is to call ahead and let the staff know you are coming so he can be ready for your visit. Nothing worse than showing up just before he would be attended to and then having to wait outside wasting time you could of spent with him.
If there are infectious illnesses going around, you will find most facilities will have notices on their main entrances, lifts etc letting visitors know. My facility also have hand sanitizer available in many places and there are sinks galore you can wash your hands at.
I would go with your little one. The elderly love seeing children even if they aren't related to them. My son comes into work with me if I have meetings esp on the school holidays. They all love him. I have even taken him in while I have worked and he has had meals(breakfast and dinner) with them which they enjoyed too.
Children bring a sparkle to their eyes.
Some great advice here, I hope I say this gently as I do understand your anxiety I've had a DD very very sick at 7 months. But as hard as it is there has been barriers that I have just had to overcome. You cannot protect her from everything forever. Hand sanitiser (she will love to pump it out), wipes, clean clothes when you leave. Don't stay too long but it is so important to visit. Now is a time when as a wife and a mother you need to put your own issues aside and do what is right for your husband and daughter.
Visitors make such a difference to the elderly. Palliative care is not about nursing someone until they die but about nursing them for what they have left of their life and making a difference to that last time. You can be a HUGE part of that.
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