I am after some advice/guidance/opinions please. Apologies in advance for the long post.
DH's dad has recently been discharged from hospital after a 4.5 month stint there into a nursing home for palliative care. He is 79 and DD (19 mths) is his first and only grandchild. He has never been able to do much with her as has been ill/weak since she was born. He has kidney cancer which they are no longer going to treat with AB and for the last month or so he has been actually quite fine. I think initially everyone thought he was going to die within a couple of weeks
When he was in hospital we would take DD every 2-3 weeks when the weather was nice and MIL/BIL would put him in a wheelchair and bring him outside.
We were going to take DD at the weekend to see him at the nursing home, same system as before, bring him outside to the garden. Now there are storms all weekend so outside is not going to be an option. I am not at all comfortable with her being in the room. She will be touching everything/opening doors/pulling things and I am really getting myself quite worked up. I suffer from anxiety at times and DD was very sick with an infection at 10mths old which nearly killed her, so I am know my anxiety is linked with this.
I know the whole time we are there MIL and DH will keep trying to put DD on FIL which she doesn't like as she is not a child that will sit and she is too young to try and keep entertained with a book/games etc. Its caused a big argument this morning with DH as although he is happy to go along with my wishes/feelings I know that he is also frustrated that FIL can't see DD very much. I feel like I am being pressured into backing down. I think my other concern is once we go there into his room we'll be expected to go all the time, which we don't have time for, we both work FT and are in the middle of building a house.
He wears a pad and I just can't stop thinking about what if he hasn't washed his hands properly, or if there is poo and wee on the surfaces/bed/clothes. I guess I think that because its palliative care there are still going to be people around who are sick that the nurses deal with before going into FIL's room, but they're just not being treated as such.
I also get cross that despite not being told to call DD certain names (for some reason he likes to call her booby) he still does and it annoys the crap out of me. Its not that hard surely??? That then gets my back up and I wish we'd never gone in the first place.
I am also pregnant which is making more emotional than normal I think
I feel like in order to keep the peace I have to back down but then I think why should I, its not mine or DD's fault that its raining this weekend, and I am really really uncomfortable about it.
Am I being an unreasonable b*tch? Please be gentle, I've had an awful morning.....