First off, hello all. I have been a member for ages but haven't been on in about a year cause I cant get near my computer and couldn't get the phone app to work. Anyway, on to the issue.
My DP's two oldest boys are here for two weeks of the school holidays. DP works/lives about 4 hrs away till we can sell up here and relocate to join him. The boys live about 4 hrs from here in a different direction to DP. We only get them two weekends of the school term and half the holidays unless it suits her to give them to us cause she is working. So this holidays she is working and Mil offered to pick up the boys as DP came up for last weekend and it woulda been a 7 hr trip for him to get them whereas their mum met mil halfway thus making her trip much shorter. I did offer to do the trip but got the vibe that she would rather ride a bicycle to pick them up than ask me to do it.
On Friday when she went to collect them she didn't text anyone but their mum to organise it which stressed me out cause im the one that has to change their sheets and she had talked about sleepovers and im the one that would have to pack and drop off clothes for that. Not to mention I have a 3yr old DD and a 1 yr old DS that are always desperate to see their brothers. I texted DP and asked him when the boys were coming and where they would be staying and he had no idea. I texted Mil asking when they were coming and she said "im picking them up now" and that was it. So DP organises it so that they stay at our house for the first night before starting a complete itinerary of sleepovers at various family members houses. I stress to DP to make sure that the boys get a say in where they are staying and what they are doing. They are 12 and 10 for christsakes! They deserve an input!
When DP goes to pick them up his mum starts getting angry at him and giving him a lecture on how "you gotta share them. You gotta share the boys!" To which he replies "shut up mum they are my kids, you know where we live". (we are about 20-25mins away from her which is apparently too far and I am to blame for that as she once said to my mum). He understandably was seething since he was only with them for the weekend before going back for work and organised for them to stay with his brother Saturday night as his brother also works away.
On Saturday we had my nephews 3rd birthday (DP's sister's boy). Everytime we were having a convo with an aunt or uncle trying to sort out sleepovers she would provide additives like "am I ever going to get them?" or "I haven't even seen them yet" Things to that effect. So we worked out that the boys would stay with DP's brother for sat night, mil for sunday and Monday nights and DP's sister for Tuesday night. We r sposed to leave on Friday to spend the second week of hols with DP. The boys have been asking if I can organise it for them to spend the day playing with a family in our street that they have formed a good friendship with and they keep venting to me about how they hate being shunted from one house to another and would prefer day trips to sleepovers. They don't know bless them that I don't actually have any right to see them or have a say according to mil. Me and DP are not married see and she thinks the way I parent is wrong and crazy (another gem she shared with my mum).
Meanwhile my DD is constantly asking about boys and cries angrily at me telling me "I just wanted to keep boys and u gave them away!"
And if you are still with me at this point we get to my dilemma.
I have been invited with DD to go to the movies by SIL. She is taking the boys and her 3 yr old DS who is DD's Bff. I have so much to do and no money as I need to fuel the car for the weekend and stock up on pet food for the week. I declined but she then said mil offered to babysit DS and pay for me and DD to go or she could take DD and I could be one less kid to get stuff done. I refuse to let mil babysit because she refuses to listen to my ways of parenting my child (eg she smacks on reflex and tells SIL's baby to stop being a sook every single time he cries and that's not what I want for my kids), she once also raised a metal spatula to my DS as a smacking threat as he was grabbing at coffees that had been left in his reach. He was 10 months old at the time.
So do I......
A) Go to the movies using time and money I don't have just so that DD can see her brothers since mil is making it clear that she doesn't want me there (I got a text after trying to see them today saying "we are out all day, why don't you go to the movies tomorrow"). I would have to get my mum to babysit DS and hope her doctors appointment finishes early enough for that to work.
B) Try to see the boys after the movie during DS's tired cranky time when they are at SIL's house since I have to see them to give them clean clothes at some point.
C) drive a 40 min round trip with a car hating baby to drop DD off and a 40 min round trip to pick her up after the movie so that she can go with her brothers and nephew/bff. SIL will be the only adult with 2 toilet training 3yr olds and two preteens.
D) Take the 1yr old in a carrier as well as DD to the movies and hope he is good.
E) Go to see the boys at MIL's in the morning and drop clean clothes off there, DD and DS do love to see their nan and SIL wont be taking them to the movies till 2.