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  1. #1
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    Default Newbie, 39 y.o., suddenly single, want to be a mum!

    Hello, I'm a newbie to this forum. Let me intro myself - I've just turned 39 and I basically feel great about my life. The good news is that I am very ready to be a mother (for a long while now). The bad news is that I'm suddenly single (my fiance of a 6 year relationship left me before our wedding - that's another story!).


    After all the tears etc, I decided that I have no time to cry for the *******. I need to be strong and clear headed to face a more urgent issue - my biological clock!

    So I come to this dilemma - should I freeze my eggs now; or find a donor and freeze embryos (or have a baby now without freezing the embryos)?

    If I freeze my eggs, I have a little bit of time to try to find a partner. It would seem much easier to have a "conventional" family. But from my basic research on the internet, it seems frozen eggs are not as effective as frozen embryos to achieve live births later on (am I correct?).

    If I freeze embryos or have a baby now, I have a slightly better chance (compared with frozen eggs) of having a baby. It might be a bit harder to find a partner that way. I might end up being a solo mum by choice, which I am ok with if I really cannot find a partner.

    At my age and being single, should I freeze my eggs or freeze embryos? What would you do?

    Are frozen embryos less successful than fresh embryos in achieving live births?

    Any views or experience sharing about egg/ embryo freezing are much appreciated. Thank you!

  2. #2
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    I have never been in this situation but thought I would offer my opinion on what I would do.
    If this were me I would 100% have a child with a donor on my own. What if you wait around waiting to meet someone and then it's too late. Or you meet someone and they aren't ready for kids/don't want them. Then what would you do?
    I've been a single mum (I'm only young) but I had 2 children and met my amazing partner who has taken them on as his own.
    Nothing can replace having your own children and personally I wouldn't risk missing that if that's what you want.

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    May20  (30-06-2016)

  4. #3
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    I have never been in your situation but can give you some info about IVF.

    If you are financially stable, I would go ahead to have a baby now with the donor. Yes, frozen eggs aren't as successful. In general, IVF can't guarantee you a baby either. You don't know the odd until you try. if you store all embryos from one cycle for future use, you might run into the chance of not having any live birth. Ie. All embryos are not good enough to create a baby. By then u might be even harder to get pregnant with your older eggs. Sure, you can do a few cycles to store some embryos to increase your old. However, you still don't know if any one of them will give U a baby. If you go ahead now, you at least can keep trying until I get your baby.

    It depends which state u r in, WA has a long waiting period for donor. Some clinics charge and some don't. East coast clinics generally don't have waiting time.

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  6. #4
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    Definitely have a baby now if you can afford it. At 39 your embryos probably won't be high quality. If you want a baby I would have one now. It can take a while to achieve a successful pregnancy.

    I'm a solo mother by choice and it's amazing. No pressure, no compromise, 100% love between my kids and I.

    If you meet a buy now he will probably have either already had kids and not want more or not want kids at all. By 40 most guys have gone either way.

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    May20  (30-06-2016)

  8. #5
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    I haven't been in your exact situation either but I did start IVF at age 39 so I can advise a bit on that. I agree with others that if you are in a position to have a baby now then don't wait around. Sadly, it's probably not worth freezing eggs at age 39. It's very expensive and more risky than freezing embryos. Eggs are less likely to survive the thaw than an embryo would.

    Generally fresh is considered best but frozen is not too far behind on success rates providing you've got a good reputable clinic.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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  10. #6
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    I am the same age as you, started my single baby journey over a year ago and wish I'd started years ago!

    I was extremely naive when it came to IVF success rates at our age - my advice is if you really want to have a baby then you need to make that priority number 1 for a while.

    If nothing else make an appointment with your chosen IVF clinic and have initial conversations around wait times, costs etc, my initial appointment was a month long wait just to get in to see the specialist!

    Good luck

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    May20  (30-06-2016),Wise Enough  (01-07-2016)

  12. #7
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    Default can be a donor

    I would be glad to be a donor to help someone like yourself under all the problems you experienced in life

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    May20  (30-06-2016)

  14. #8
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    My BFF went the solo route and honestly the sooner the better!! As PP suggested at least make an appointment with a clinic because everything takes time!

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  16. #9
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    Hi there,

    You may like to check out the Solo Mums by Choice forum at smcaustralia.org.au
    Lots of people in various stages of travelling the same path over there.

    I would say though that time is not on your side, and with the notoriously poor results of egg freezing I would be inclined to either freeze embryos, or just go for it and try and get pregnant.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!

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    May20  (30-06-2016)


 

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