Hi all, my name is Ren and my little girl Ivy is nearly 3 weeks old. She's big and healthy and alert, and of course completely beautiful.
We've had a pretty rough time so far which shocked us all after such an easy and uncomplicated pregnancy. I went to 42 weeks and had 2 hours of active labour, no meds obviously and then unsurprisingly ended up with a 2nd degree tear and an episiotomy. I then ended up in theatre due to a post partum hemorrhage of almost 2 litres.
I know a lot of women have had similar experiences, but it was still an extremely traumatic time for us. I felt physically shell shocked for a good few days afterwards...I was having nightmares from the pain of pushing and the poorly anaesthetised episiotomy.
Hospital was pretty awful too. I barely slept the whole time and breastfeeding was very difficult. I just feel like the care I received was the bare minimum and almost like a table in a popular restaurant, all they wanted was my bed emptied so another person could fill it.
Since coming home recovery has been slow and emotional. I ended up with severe nipple trauma and blocked ducts but somehow narrowly avoided mastitis. That passed (thank god) but feeding is still difficult - apparently LO has tongue and lip tie which has brought with it another lot of challenges.
At this stage, I'm dealing with my emotions pretty poorly. I'm constantly stressing that bubs isn't sleeping enough or isn't feeding well (I still have pain due to the tongue tie). I feel like all the responsibility is on me, even though my husband is amazing with the baby and has devoted himself to my recovery. I know my thoughts are part and parcel of childbirth, but I have to admit this is ten times harder than I thought it would be. Labour was horrendous but I would do it again if it meant I didn't feel like a nervous wreck. I want to enjoy this time rather than stressing constantly.
I know LO must pick up on my mood too which would be adding towards her being unsettled.
Anyway, I'm looking for words of reassurance that the way I'm feeling is normal. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of support from friends and family but the more the better!
Sorry for the long essay 😕