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  1. #1
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    Default New mum in need of kind words

    Hi all, my name is Ren and my little girl Ivy is nearly 3 weeks old. She's big and healthy and alert, and of course completely beautiful.

    We've had a pretty rough time so far which shocked us all after such an easy and uncomplicated pregnancy. I went to 42 weeks and had 2 hours of active labour, no meds obviously and then unsurprisingly ended up with a 2nd degree tear and an episiotomy. I then ended up in theatre due to a post partum hemorrhage of almost 2 litres.
    I know a lot of women have had similar experiences, but it was still an extremely traumatic time for us. I felt physically shell shocked for a good few days afterwards...I was having nightmares from the pain of pushing and the poorly anaesthetised episiotomy.
    Hospital was pretty awful too. I barely slept the whole time and breastfeeding was very difficult. I just feel like the care I received was the bare minimum and almost like a table in a popular restaurant, all they wanted was my bed emptied so another person could fill it.
    Since coming home recovery has been slow and emotional. I ended up with severe nipple trauma and blocked ducts but somehow narrowly avoided mastitis. That passed (thank god) but feeding is still difficult - apparently LO has tongue and lip tie which has brought with it another lot of challenges.

    At this stage, I'm dealing with my emotions pretty poorly. I'm constantly stressing that bubs isn't sleeping enough or isn't feeding well (I still have pain due to the tongue tie). I feel like all the responsibility is on me, even though my husband is amazing with the baby and has devoted himself to my recovery. I know my thoughts are part and parcel of childbirth, but I have to admit this is ten times harder than I thought it would be. Labour was horrendous but I would do it again if it meant I didn't feel like a nervous wreck. I want to enjoy this time rather than stressing constantly.
    I know LO must pick up on my mood too which would be adding towards her being unsettled.

    Anyway, I'm looking for words of reassurance that the way I'm feeling is normal. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of support from friends and family but the more the better!
    Sorry for the long essay ๐Ÿ˜•

  2. #2
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    I couldn't read and run. I haven't experienced what you have so don't have any wise advice really, just wanted to send you some love and hugs. Hang in there.

    xx

  3. #3
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    Congratulations on your baby girl @Renbird.
    It's normal my DD is turning one this week which has taken me back to the week of her birth (traumatic with me in ICU and her in hospital for 2 weeks), thinking about my pregnancy (very difficult due to physical problems and preeclampsia from 31 weeks), and those first few months. I actually apologized to my DD this week for being so unprepared for those first few months. I truly found it so hard and at times hated it I think the term shell shock you used captures things pretty well.
    Can you talk to anyone at the hospital you birthed at about your birth? Get a debriefing from the main midwife who cared for you or obstetrician? Get them to explain what happened and why? This may help manage your feelings about the birth. In regards to the care you might consider providing feedback if you're up to it.
    About the breastfeeding pain, have you tried feeding with a nipple shield to help? My DD has been breastfed for the full 12 months with every single feed using a nipple shield since she was 1-2 weeks old she couldn't latch due to being premature poor suck small mouth and my nipples aren't great. So it's not the end of the world if you need shields.
    And lastly, you're only a few weeks in. The transition is huge. You're doing a wonderful job it's completely normal to have emotional dips and surges and to struggle with breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and this complete and utter change to your world. Take it easy and be kind to yourself and allow a few months to really hit your stride. Enjoy the moments but don't stress if you don't love every second of this time, it can be so overwhelming. Keep talking to your DH and use whatever support you have around you. And keep talking to us on bubhub too take things gently xo

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    misskittyfantastico  (29-06-2016)

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    Sorry to hear you've had such a rough start. Lots of women do, but that doesn't minimise your experience or make it any less traumatic or stressful for you!

    Breastfeeding can be a total b!tch at the start (if you look at my post history I was talking about my experience recently), but can be worth it in the long run - depending on what the issues are of course. Is there a plan to get the lip/tongue ties treated?

    Have you talked to anyone to debrief about the birth? I didn't even have a life-threatening kind of traumatic birth but it still took me months to come to terms with the it. Talking it through with a midwife/hospital social worker/psychologist - anyone with a good understanding of birth and babies - can definitely help.

    And it's definitely normal to not be dealing with emotions too well at this stage - having a baby is a huge change, coupled with sleep deprivation, a flood of hormones, and the physical trauma of pregnancy and birth, it's a hell of a lot to deal with! I'm sure you're doing a great job.
    And it gets easier (and then harder again, but in a better way?) xx

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    misskittyfantastico  (29-06-2016)

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    @gingermillie - you pretty much covered everything in the time it took me to type out my reply

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    another one who couldn't read and run. you're doing an amazing job. it sounds like you've been through a very tough labour and I'm sorry to hear you felt rushed out the door in terms of the hospital stay.

    my ds is 4 months and I still feel guilty for not enjoying every day in a blissful baby bubble like I thought I would. it's effing hard. harder than I thought it ever would be. easier said than done but please don't put so much pressure on yourself...you're doing so much already. your body needs time to heal. BF is hard, I found it one of the hardest things I've ever done (learning it I mean). you will get there. if it doesn't work out though, that's ok too. your mental wellbeing is just as important as your baby. don't ever forget that.

    you sound as though your dh is amazing, I'm so glad you've got a wonderful supportive partner. it makes such a difference!

    those first few weeks are so hard, each day drudges by in a blur of sleeplessness and boob feeds that feel more like battle time but this time will fly past. try and treasure it, it's so hard to do. I wish I'd stressed less and just enjoyed it more. I think it's hard with your first, you second guess everything, mainly yourself.

    you sound as though you are doing everything you can so go easy on yourself too. enjoy the beautiful bubba and try to get some one on one time to relax with your dh, even if it's just a 5 min foot rub on the couch xx

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    Congratulations on your baby girl @Renbird.
    It's normal my DD is turning one this week which has taken me back to the week of her birth (traumatic with me in ICU and her in hospital for 2 weeks), thinking about my pregnancy (very difficult due to physical problems and preeclampsia from 31 weeks), and those first few months. I actually apologized to my DD this week for being so unprepared for those first few months. I truly found it so hard and at times hated it I think the term shell shock you used captures things pretty well.
    Can you talk to anyone at the hospital you birthed at about your birth? Get a debriefing from the main midwife who cared for you or obstetrician? Get them to explain what happened and why? This may help manage your feelings about the birth. In regards to the care you might consider providing feedback if you're up to it.
    About the breastfeeding pain, have you tried feeding with a nipple shield to help? My DD has been breastfed for the full 12 months with every single feed using a nipple shield since she was 1-2 weeks old she couldn't latch due to being premature poor suck small mouth and my nipples aren't great. So it's not the end of the world if you need shields.
    And lastly, you're only a few weeks in. The transition is huge. You're doing a wonderful job it's completely normal to have emotional dips and surges and to struggle with breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and this complete and utter change to your world. Take it easy and be kind to yourself and allow a few months to really hit your stride. Enjoy the moments but don't stress if you don't love every second of this time, it can be so overwhelming. Keep talking to your DH and use whatever support you have around you. And keep talking to us on bubhub too take things gently xo
    Wow, you've managed to say everything I needed to hear. It's so reassuring, thank you.

    I have gotten in touch with the patient rep at the hospital to set up a meeting. I never saw a doctor again since the delivery and I have a lot of questions and feedback for them. They're going to set up a meeting soon hopefully.

    I do have nipple shields but I hate them! For some reason they feel like I'm being nipple crippled when I use them and instead I thought I'd just persevere with the latch. We're pretty good now, it's just the tongue tie causing issues during the feed.
    It really does take a lot of energy to be nice to myself but I'm going to keep trying.
    Thanks again for your lovely words ๐Ÿ˜˜

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    turquoisecoast  (29-06-2016)

  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post

    Sorry to hear you've had such a rough start. Lots of women do, but that doesn't minimise your experience or make it any less traumatic or stressful for you!

    Breastfeeding can be a total b!tch at the start (if you look at my post history I was talking about my experience recently), but can be worth it in the long run - depending on what the issues are of course. Is there a plan to get the lip/tongue ties treated?

    Have you talked to anyone to debrief about the birth? I didn't even have a life-threatening kind of traumatic birth but it still took me months to come to terms with the it. Talking it through with a midwife/hospital social worker/psychologist - anyone with a good understanding of birth and babies - can definitely help.

    And it's definitely normal to not be dealing with emotions too well at this stage - having a baby is a huge change, coupled with sleep deprivation, a flood of hormones, and the physical trauma of pregnancy and birth, it's a hell of a lot to deal with! I'm sure you're doing a great job.
    And it gets easier (and then harder again, but in a better way?) xx
    Even more lovely kind words, thank you โ˜บ๏ธ
    I am in the works of setting up an appointment with the hospital as I want to give them an earful as well as have my questions answered. Hopefully it gives me some closure. I'm not ruling out some kind of therapy though, for my husband as well as he watched me bleeding out. We're both pretty terrified about having any more kids!

    We have an appointment with a chiro for the tongue tie tomorrow and will hopefully he referred to someone for the adjustment. It's a gamble, I'm really hoping it improves things for us.

    Thanks again for your reassurance, it's helping me so much!

  12. #9
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    Oh lovely mumma, I was shell shocked after I'd had my first baby (she's 10 now). I was induced at 39+4 and it was the classic cascade of intervention - induction, epi, ventouse etc... I remember looking at this child and a) wondering where it's mother was and b)could she please come and take her because I'm hungry!
    DH and I honestly say that we didn't love her until she was six months old. People think we're joking.
    I do believe that the way our babies come into the world can greatly impact our mental, mothering health. Be kind to yourself. Look into a defrief ( I finally did this when my DD was five!)
    Take care xxx

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    babynomad  (30-06-2016)

  14. #10
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    Oh and with the TT, I'd really advocate getting it snipped -my third was premature and had a posterior TT and a lip tie and his TT had to snipped twice but worth it IMO xx

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    Stretched  (30-06-2016)


 

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