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  1. #1
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    Default Concerns about my 4 year old's behaviour at preschool

    My son is now nearing the end of his second term in kindy.
    At the very start he had trouble adjusting, he previously attended the same childcare from the age of 1 up until he was able to properly start pre-school.. So he didn't take too well to a new environment, different children and different 'workers'.
    Everytime I picked him up there was always something to tell me he was doing wrong; not putting his shoes on, not following instructions, trying to run away, not sharing etc.

    Over time he started to look forward to going to kindy and it seemed the complaints had quieted down, or were happening once every 2 weeks as opposed to every second day.

    Lately the continuous complaints have started again.. And it's always my son runs around the kindy without shoes or a t-shirt/jumper on (runs around in a singlet) and refuses to put these things back on, mainly shoes.

    I have tried everything I can at home.. I've tried talking to him about it, positive reinforcement, punishment (taking away toys or the iPad) but it keeps happening. He promises me he'll be good but the teachers always have something negative to tell me when I pick him up. I worry the whole time he is at kindy that he is doing something wrong.

    He has close friends and positive experiences at kindy which he comes home and talks about with us. He looks forward to kindy and wants to go when he can't.

    Today I received a 'Occupational Therapy' report on him, which was filled with negative comments basically overall stating that my son will only engage, follow instructions and pay attention when it's things he enjoys and harms others or acts out when he doesn't get his own way when he doesn't enjoy an activity.

    I wish to be able to go a whole week without negative feedback.. I would love to hear how great he's been and how much of a great kid they think he is, but I only receive negative feedback

    I have made an appointment with my local GP for tomorrow and am looking into early intervention with a disability service as to what services I can receive for help.

    Any thoughts or advice? I am stressed about this. He will only have a few months left until school when his baby sister is born, and I don't want him to be the trouble maker in class.. I want the kindy to know and see him for the loving, affectionate, engaging and happy child that he is when he is at home!
    Last edited by KarinaJayne; 30-06-2016 at 09:56.

  2. #2
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    am running out the door so will be brief but geez the complaints sound really petty. So what if he won't wear a jumper? My eldest went to preschool in Melbourne until she was 5 and NEVER wore a jumper in winter. Flat out refused. Shoes were hit and miss too. She'd usually lose one in the sand pit and that was it.

    You say they have written that he harms others? That's concerning. But the other stuff wouldn't worry me at all. Yes it would be great if he followed directions and did as he was asked but he's 4.

    I don't know. I had 2 girls who did everything they were asked at that age and my son who is now 5 was the same as he knew no different. But in his kindy class last year so many kids were still "getting there" half was through it wasn't funny. But they all got there by the end of the year.

    Unless he's demonstrating anti-social behaviour inappropriate of his age honestly to me it sounds like the teacher just has unrealistic expectations.

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    Default Concerns about my 4 year old's behaviour at preschool

    I'm with @Sonja he's only 4! Yes hurting others is a problem and absolutely needs to be addressed. But seriously from the list of 'complaints' you've provided hurting others is the only one which should have warranted a notice home.

    I have raised one son to adulthood and DS2 is almost 4 (DS3 due in August). The running around not wanting to out jumper/t shirt on, trouble engaging and focussing on things he's NOT interested in etc all sound perfectly normal to me and I would expect a kindergarten/preschool to be well equipped with dealing with all of those behaviours.

    I would definitely be speaking with his teachers and asking them what they have put in place to help your son adjust to the new and very high expectations of his behaviour.

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  6. #4
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    Would the teaching staff bring up behavioural issues if they are considered "age appropriate"? These are university educated professional early childhood educators. I hate to play devil's advocate with pp, however I would listen to the teachers concerns seriously. Glad that you are addressing the issues before your next bub comes. Good luck

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd80 View Post
    Would the teaching staff bring up behavioural issues if they are considered "age appropriate"? These are university educated professional early childhood educators. I hate to play devil's advocate with pp, however I would listen to the teachers concerns seriously. Glad that you are addressing the issues before your next bub comes. Good luck
    Possibly. But I know a kindy teacher who is just not cutout for the job and holds ridiculous expectations of kids and their behaviour.

    Many things about being a great teacher aren't taught at uni.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd80 View Post
    Would the teaching staff bring up behavioural issues if they are considered "age appropriate"? These are university educated professional early childhood educators. I hate to play devil's advocate with pp, however I would listen to the teachers concerns seriously. Glad that you are addressing the issues before your next bub comes. Good luck
    Not all kindy teachers are early childhood educates. Ds2 had a crap kindy teacher last year who had no idea about much at all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KarinaJayne View Post
    My son is now nearing the end of his second term in kindy.
    At the very start he had trouble adjusting, he previously attended the same childcare from the age of 1 up until he was able to properly start pre-school.. So he didn't take too well to a new environment, different children and different 'workers'.
    Everytime I picked him up there was always something to tell me he was doing wrong; not putting his shoes on, not following instructions, trying to run away, not sharing etc.

    Over time he started to look forward to going to kindy and it seemed the complaints had quieted down, or were happening once every 2 weeks as opposed to every second day.

    Lately the continuous complaints have started again.. And it's always my son runs around the kindy without shoes or a t-shirt/jumper on (runs around in a singlet) and refuses to put these things back on, mainly shoes.

    I have tried everything I can at home.. I've tried talking to him about it, positive reinforcement, punishment (taking away toys or the iPad) but it keeps happening. He promises me he'll be good but the teachers always have something negative to tell me when I pick him up. I dream of picking him up and worry the whole time he is at kindy that he is doing something wrong.

    He has close friends and positive experiences at kindy which he comes home and talks about with us. He looks forward to kindy and wants to go when he can't.

    Today I received a 'Occupational Therapy' report on him, which was filled with negative comments basically overall stating that my son will only engage, follow instructions and pay attention when it's things he enjoys and harms others or acts out when he doesn't get his own way when he doesn't enjoy an activity.

    I wish to be able to go a whole week without negative feedback.. I would love to hear how great he's been and how much of a great kid they think he is, but I only receive negative feedback

    I have made an appointment with my local GP for tomorrow and am looking into early intervention with a disability service as to what services I can receive for help. I've requested a meeting (through email) with the kindy to properly talk about all the issues.

    Any thoughts or advice? I am stressed about this. He will only have a few months left until school when his baby sister is born, and I don't want him to be the trouble maker in class.. I want the kindy to know and see him for the loving, affectionate, engaging and happy child that he is when he is at home!
    Did the teacher fill in this report or was he assessed by an OT?
    A well trained professional teacher would request an appointment to discuss her concerns with you and then you will have the opportunity to have him assessed by an OT.

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  12. #8
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    Sorry but if I felt like my kid wasn't being encouraged etc at a centre from beginning I would of changed.

    I would place him somewhere else but also get the OT assessment JIC.

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    The upside of all this. Is huge.

    If you child does have a problem (not saying they do) they will get early intervention.
    Early intervention is massive. I can't stress enough what a huge thing this will be for your child. It is biggest help they can ever get. It works better than any therapy the can receive as a teen or adult.

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  15. #10
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    My kids hardly ever wear shoes at kindy! I don't get how that's a complaint.
    I'm sorry you're having to deal with so many negative comments. They should also be celebrating your son's achievements, no matter what they are or how small. I'd seriously be questioning if the staff are suitable for your son. Perhaps he needs somewhere different. Though I get that you'd be very hesitant to move him with only two terms before school starts.
    I'd Definitely see the GP and arrange for an independent assessment. Then you'll know what's really going on and what, if anything, needs some action to get him ready for school, as much as any child can be!

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