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  1. #1
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    Default How to get along with your child's step mum

    Hi everyone,

    (I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct place)

    My ex partner and I are friendly, we get along okay and can have decent conversations. His gf of 3 years has been okay towards me too.
    There is one thing that really grinds my gears... She has a habit of telling me how to parent. From day one she has always snuck things into the conversation about how to parent. (she has no kids) They have DS every fortnight for 2 nights.

    I have just been ignoring it completely. But she doesn't stop. For example, DS has head lice and last night I received an inbox from her saying "I think its a good idea that you wash his bed and school hat"..... Which obviously I had already washed that day. I get so peeved off by it that I just don't reply.
    If it were my ex partner inboxing / saying it, it wouldn't bother me but he never says anything to me and she does.

    How do others deal with it!!? I feel like blurting something out like "Do I tell you how to do your job?" or "When you have kids darling, then come and give me advice". Obviously I don't want to cause tension as our co parenting relationship is okay as it is but I also don't want to listen to it for another 20 years.

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    Ugh, that sounds frustrating. I don't have any direct experience with step relationships but could you maybe say something to your ex rather than directly to her? It might be less likely to be perceived as confrontational.
    Maybe something like "I really appreciate how well we work together to raise ds and I appreciate everything step mum does for ds too. However, could you please be the one to message me about issues with ds rather than step mum doing it? I think it'd be better for all our relationships in the long run."

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    Didn't you know the best parents are the ones that have no kids. Just say to her look, no offence but don't tell me how to do my job as a parent. I will listen to you after you've had a child lol. Don't take any notice of her. It would p!ss me off too. I don't really have much to do with my girls' step mother. She is pretty nice but I don't really have much to do with her. My ex husband usually picks up and drops my children. They have two little boys now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyV View Post
    Ugh, that sounds frustrating. I don't have any direct experience with step relationships but could you maybe say something to your ex rather than directly to her? It might be less likely to be perceived as confrontational.
    Maybe something like "I really appreciate how well we work together to raise ds and I appreciate everything step mum does for ds too. However, could you please be the one to message me about issues with ds rather than step mum doing it? I think it'd be better for all our relationships in the long run."
    This! Or ignore and delete the emails.

    It would grind my gears too, however, peaceful co-parenting is worth its weight in gold and this doesn't sound like something worth getting narky over (sounded like you wanted to keep the peace anyway). Only need to read one or two threads from people who don't get along with their ex or ex's new partner or current partner's ex to see how important it is

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Didn't you know the best parents are the ones that have no kids. Just say to her look, no offence but don't tell me how to do my job as a parent. I will listen to you after you've had a child lol. Don't take any notice of her. It would p!ss me off too. I don't really have much to do with my girls' step mother. She is pretty nice but I don't really have much to do with her. My ex husband usually picks up and drops my children. They have two little boys now.
    Any statement that starts with 'look no offence' is probably offensive.

    Even after someone has had a child there is no reason to listen to them tell you how to parent.

    I think this approach is asking for an argument.

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  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Any statement that starts with 'look no offence' is probably offensive.

    Even after someone has had a child there is no reason to listen to them tell you how to parent.

    I think this approach is asking for an argument.


    Fortunately for my children I get along with my ex husband and his wife for their sake. I don't interfere when they have my girls, nor does my ex husband tell me how to raise them but if the OP has a problem with how her kid's stepmother speaks to her then she has every right to discuss it however she pleases. Non conflict is always the best way of course and hopefully she will be able to get her point across without it turning into an argument. Good luck OP.

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    Could you approach it like 'great minds think alike!?'
    Maybe thank her for being concerned/willing to give advice but comment and say if you're stuck for solutions to problems you would ask for her ideas?

    It's a tough one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by clb84 View Post
    Could you approach it like 'great minds think alike!?'
    Maybe thank her for being concerned/willing to give advice but comment and say if you're stuck for solutions to problems you would ask for her ideas?

    It's a tough one.
    I like this approach. It's non confrontational and you can keep it short. So it doesn't start a conversation.
    "Great minds think alike! Already done! "

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    Oh wow! As a step mum myself I'd never do that, imo it's over stepping the line. Co-parenting is really hard, I'd be careful not to cause too much upset but still stand up for yourself, maybe chat to your ex as a pp said?

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    Could you just reply each time with a thumbs up emoji and say thanks one step ahead of you ive already done that but good suggestion.

    If you give that same response a few times my guess is she might tae a hint

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