+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    621
    Thanks
    133
    Thanked
    147
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default 50/50 custody

    I have recently left my emotionally abusive husband and in the past he has always said "you leave and ill drag you through the courts and get custody of DD2".
    I have left and at the moment he is trying to get us to come back so is acting remorseful. He used to verbally abuse me, argue infront of the kids and called my oldest daughter (not his) names. The final straw was finding out he had been messaging hookers and looking at personal ads. I have always done everything for the children, doc appointments, time off work when they are sick, making them dinner, bathing them etc. a few people I have spoken to have said the courts will always rule for 50/50 and I am petrified. I no he loves his daughter but I truly don't think it is in her best interest. If he does take me to court what are the chances are of hime getting 50/50?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Country WA
    Posts
    6,640
    Thanks
    3,134
    Thanked
    3,023
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I have no direct experience, but from reading things on here, I don't think it's automatic to get a 50-50 split. I'd be ringing legal aid ASAP to get some advice though.

    Good on you for leaving. No one should have to out up with an abusive partner.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,140
    Thanks
    447
    Thanked
    489
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Good on you for leaving that is one of hardest things to do.

    As for 50/50 it takes a long time for it to even get to court as you mediation first. And I doubt he would want to fight for court once he learns how much it could cost him and you aswell.

    Can you see him wanting 50/50 for real. School drop offs and pick ups, doing all the things that you do. I doubt it. The washing cooking cleaning only having a social life every second week.

    Just be strong and don't give into him

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,140
    Thanks
    447
    Thanked
    489
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Forgot to add

    Start a journal. Write everything down, conversations, text msgs, emails. Have it all in transcript to be prepared for anything and everything.

    I've been there and done exactly this in your shoes. I won, he lost.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    77
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked
    38
    Reviews
    0
    The court system does not automatically grant 50/50 custody. They also do not automatically grant the custody that each parents want.
    There is a process that is required to be taken
    From my own personal experience this is what I would be doing -
    Document everything from today (if you can remember times/dates etc of the abuse towards children and yourself document that as well)
    Any text message conversation you have regarding the children take a screen shot of it and print it out.

    If he asks to see the children do not flat out deny him this however make it supervised as he can take the children and does not have to return them as you do not have a court order in place

    The process for court orders is a long drawn out process which includes mediation - if you want to get the ball rolling contact legal aide and relationship Australia to get advise.

    How old is your daughter that you have together? There had been studied on what age is best for a child to be away over night from there primary care giver. It has a lot of information I would suggest you also look this up

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to 2 girls 1 boy For This Useful Post:

    Wise Enough  (25-06-2016)

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    356
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked
    117
    Reviews
    0
    If it's a recent breakup, unfortunately I'd say everyone is right about it being a very long road ahead. In my experience (from a step mum's perspective), court will be threatened for a long time before he follows through with it. And like everyone said, you would need to go through the motions of mediation and attempting to reach a parenting agreement separately of the court. The courts wouldn't be pleased if you hadn't attempted to do this first as court should be a last resort.

    I wouldn't worry too much about 50/50. My DH's lawyer put in his application for 50/50 custody even though that's not what he wanted because they use it as like a bargaining chip.. which is ridiculous in my opinion.

    Sadly you will need to document everything. Even after you go to court. It never ends. Parenting orders are great.. if both parties stick to them. But they don't. And there's nothing you can do about it except go back to mediation and eventually court.

    Obviously with a fresh separation there will be a lot of raw feelings which will likely fuel a lot of very poor parenting decisions by both of you. Yes, both of you I'm sure. Do your very best to get a routine going whereby you offer him time with dd each second weekend (via text of course so you have a record of doing so, yay). Try your best not to be "controlling". Courts don't like this. Be flexible as possible and always always always keep dd best interests in mind (I know it goes without saying but, trust me, mum and dad's bitterness toward each other will definitely get in the way, even subconsciously).

    We have my step kids every second weekend for three nights, Fri-Mon (or as it pleases their mum, despite the parenting orders). I think this is quite standard x

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    621
    Thanks
    133
    Thanked
    147
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thank you so much for the helpful advice. At the moment he has been having her every weekend (this will have to change as I really don't see her on the fun times) but willing for him to have her twice a week. I don't no if he will take me to court. He works very long hours and it wouldn't be feasible, however I wouldn't put it passed him toquit his job. We are keeping it civil for the moment as he still thinks theres a chance we will come back. I have been keeping a journal for the last 3 years with all his episodes etc. blah. Its so hard. Im proud of myself for finally leaving but man its so hard

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    1,008
    Thanks
    778
    Thanked
    773
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sorry you are in this position.

    I agree withe what everyone else has said above. Just wanted to add a few things:

    1. There is a presumed 50/50 responsibility in making major decisions regarding the kids eg medical, religion and education. This does not mean the child spends their time 50/50 with each parent.

    2. The kids witnessing abuse is a very legitimate reason not to go 50/50.
    You may find this an interesting read:

    http://australiandivorce.blogspot.co...e-changes.html

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    75
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked
    66
    Reviews
    0
    I have 50:50 with my ex and it works well - if the ex is a good parent, then it makes sense that care is equally shared. Our kids are thriving.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Custody. Am I being unreasonable?
    By rhoda in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 25-08-2015, 09:36
  2. Custody question
    By loislane2010 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-08-2015, 20:38
  3. SOLE CUSTODY - How easy is it to get?
    By cookie087 in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-07-2015, 15:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!