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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Noooooooo! Please don't go behind your sil's back to your mil! The last thing SIL needs is people gossiping about her.

    It's your hubby's relation, so it's his issue to deal with. At most your hubby should let the SIL know what her daughter has said. And leave it at that.
    Yes, I have since changed my mind now and won't be discussing this with MIL. I've put myself in SIL's situation and if it were me I'd be peed off if they talked behind my back, even if my heart is in the right place I doubt she will see it that way. DH & I will probably say nothing, unless we really feel our niece is not coping well and at present she is still a happy little girl. It's just her comments lately have really affected me. I'll just see how things progress and take it from there.

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    Stretched  (23-06-2016),VicPark  (23-06-2016)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by AceOfBase View Post
    Yes, I have since changed my mind now and won't be discussing this with MIL. I've put myself in SIL's situation and if it were me I'd be peed off if they talked behind my back, even if my heart is in the right place I doubt she will see it that way. DH & I will probably say nothing, unless we really feel our niece is not coping well and at present she is still a happy little girl. It's just her comments lately have really affected me. I'll just see how things progress and take it from there.
    On the note of your Niece talking about it, my daughter did this as well. She noticed that other kids saw there bio dads regularly if the parents split up so was confused as to why she didn't.
    It didn't matter how much me and her talked about it she still asked other family members questions about him or talked about him to them. It was a idolized idea she had of him from what her friends at school says about their dads. (She hadn't seen her father for over 4 years his choice)
    It was a really hard time for both of us as I didn't have the answers that she wanted but she has since gone back to not worrying about seeing her bio dad

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    It's best to leave it to the direct family. I realised this morning I have a friend in a similar situation. Her DS is also 9. Was with the guy for 7yrs. She got pregnant and he left before she knew. Turns out he had a double life for the last 2yrs with a women that lived some 500kms away. She doesn't even know that my GF DS exists at all as those 2 are now married with a daughter together. The bio dad doesn't want anything to do with his DS as to not ruin his marriage. Your SIL situation could be very similar to this. He prob knows about DS but won't acknowledge as this is what they do. Thank you for well wishes for myself aswell. Life is definitely a lot nicer and safer for us. xx
    This is what I'm thinking too. I suppose I just had to vent it out on Bubhub as I'm concerned for my niece and have no one to talk to about it, except DH and he just agrees to butt out of it.

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  7. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2 girls 1 boy View Post
    On the note of your Niece talking about it, my daughter did this as well. She noticed that other kids saw there bio dads regularly if the parents split up so was confused as to why she didn't.
    It didn't matter how much me and her talked about it she still asked other family members questions about him or talked about him to them. It was a idolized idea she had of him from what her friends at school says about their dads. (She hadn't seen her father for over 4 years his choice)
    It was a really hard time for both of us as I didn't have the answers that she wanted but she has since gone back to not worrying about seeing her bio dad
    Big hugs to you, I can only imagine how it must have been for you to support your daughter through those questions. It's easy for me to say to my niece "go ask your mum" but it must be hard for the mum to answer. I'm so relieved your DD has stopped worrying about her dad

  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by AceOfBase View Post
    Big hugs to you, I can only imagine how it must have been for you to support your daughter through those questions. It's easy for me to say to my niece "go ask your mum" but it must be hard for the mum to answer. I'm so relieved your DD has stopped worrying about her dad
    He has started to show a interest in her agin and has starting talking to her on the phone. So that's a new challenge that me and my partner go through as she calls them both dad and is a little bit confused.
    It never bothered me as such because j was always open with her she had pictures of them together when they were a bang and knew she could ask me questions.


    I have to say though I would bring it up with sil just tell her when she came over she was saying this to us, we didn't know how to respond so didn't say anything especially as she has (step father name) in her life. If she brings it up again how would you like us to respond?
    This is what my parents did for me - was especially when Father's Day came up at school. My parents took my lead on this (so did the ex in laws ) I told them they could answer any of her question cause she is trying to work out how her family dynamics are. However not to give out to much personal information like - oh your exactly like your father he did that when he was little etc.

    The sil would have probably have been hit with questions before so just take her lead on what you should do

  9. #16
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    Thank you @2 girls 1 boy I will take SILs lead when DH & I feel it's the right time to approach her about it.

    Best wishes to you & your family xxxx

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