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  1. #31
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    Sorry things are so rough at the moment...

    Speech is probably impacting things - so hopefully therapy will help. Until then how about a visual picture chart of house rules? No hitting, no yelling, be kind, no kicking, share toys etc. go over it morning and night with DS, and when he breaks a house rule/does a good house rule (eg share). Have a consistent consequence if DS breaks a rule (no TV for 1 hour, naughty corner for 2 mins etc). When you break the rule (yelling, hitting) give yourself a punishment too (in front of your DS). Only took giving myself a few 'naughty corners' for me to stop yelling at my ds1...

    Also check out books that target specific concerning behaviour (eg "hands are not for hitting").

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    I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. Will come back shortly to reply properly. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply

  3. #33
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    I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I appreciate the advice given. I've been trying some things out and it's helping. It helps if I can get us out of the house daily but it's not always possible.
    I'm going to check some books out tomorrow and see what I can find.

    Unfortunately I can't afford another day at daycare. Hopefully soon we will be able to but for now we can only do 1 day. He went to day care today. He started off with screaming when I dropped him off but he ended up sleeping for an hour this morning which is very strange. He's not unwell or anything like that. After his sleep he cheered up. So that made me feel better.

    I really am feeling like I'm just not cut out to be a mum. Like I can't understand where I'm going wrong. I dread every day. Hopefully DS at day care all day will have recharged my batteries.
    I admit I don't take much time for myself. I don't have hobbies etc so it's hard to find something. I don't like spending money on myself either. I want DS to be happy.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Hasselhoff For This Useful Post:

    M'LadyEm  (05-07-2016)

  5. #34
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    Parenting is HARD! I wish I'd known just how hard before I had kids.
    Your son sounds pretty normal for that age, but that' doesn't make it any easier.
    It's a lot easier to make suggestions from the outside than to actually put theminto practice, but my thoughts would be:

    1. Expect his behaviour to be exactly what it is. Expect that he won't listen, that he'll ignore you, that he'll break and throw things.
    2. Figure out what you can do to limit the problems caused by the behaviour. So for example...put breakable/dangerous things out of reach where possible. Only tell him to stop when it's truly dangerous...otherwise try "if, then..." eg "if you fall off the couch it might hurt". Let him decide whether it's worth it. If it is really dangerous, tell him "I can't let you do that" and...well..don't let him. Move him or take the object away. Focus as much as possible on the good behaviour and positives...ignore bad behaviour unless it's genuinely dangerous/damaging.

    It's always a work in progress. My eldest is nearly 4 and I'm improving in my responses, but I've still got a hell of a long way to go. I find it helps to start with realisitic expectations of the age, and then figure out what I can do so that we can all live more harmoniously, rather than trying to blame my daughter - as it were.

  6. #35
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    Default DS struggling after moving house

    I've posted these before, so please excuse me if I'm repeating myself Books I found helpful:

    The Whole Brain Child
    http://www.bookdepository.com/The-Wh...?ref=grid-view
    Talks about "normal" brain and emotional development. It's a bit sciency (which I suspect you either like or you find annoying!), but has practical advice and strategies for approaching behaviour (mostly tantrums!) at different ages. Doesn't offer quick fix for all challenging behaviours, but it made me feel more confident and secure in dealing with an emotional toddler. I found it easy to read, but I'm a geek.

    No Bad Kids
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/14993...netlansbury-20
    This book is a series of short essays on different topics. Janet Lansbury's website includes articles on lots of topics included in the book - I'd have a look there and see if it does/doesn't suit your personality.
    http://www.janetlansbury.com

    This author/website has similar approaches to Janet Lansbury
    http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools


    123 Magic
    This is a completely different approach (eg suggests time outs as consequences). Some people love it. If the approach of Lansbury and Markham doesn't click with you, them 123 Magic might Horses for courses and all that. I bought it after reading recommendations on Bubhub. It's easy enough to read.
    http://www.bookdepository.com/1-2-3-.../9781889140704
    Last edited by clbj; 05-07-2016 at 23:19.

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    Olive Oil  (05-07-2016)

  8. #36
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    Default DS struggling after moving house

    Oh, and as a pp said, parenting is HARD. And lonely at times.

    Taking a bit of time to refresh (and maybe a hobby) is good for your children It's setting a good example for them, and refreshing your patience reserves for you to draw down on in the inevitable hard moments.

    Have you had time to try some local playgroups?
    Last edited by clbj; 05-07-2016 at 22:44.

  9. #37
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    Sorry @Hasselhoff I didn't mean to thank your post. I dozed off while bubhubbing and that was the result. Wasn't even reading this thread for that matter.

    FWIW I hope your DS settles in to the new environment soon and you get the chance to recharge your own batteries.

  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hasselhoff View Post
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I appreciate the advice given. I've been trying some things out and it's helping. It helps if I can get us out of the house daily but it's not always possible.
    I'm going to check some books out tomorrow and see what I can find.

    Unfortunately I can't afford another day at daycare. Hopefully soon we will be able to but for now we can only do 1 day. He went to day care today. He started off with screaming when I dropped him off but he ended up sleeping for an hour this morning which is very strange. He's not unwell or anything like that. After his sleep he cheered up. So that made me feel better.

    I really am feeling like I'm just not cut out to be a mum. Like I can't understand where I'm going wrong. I dread every day. Hopefully DS at day care all day will have recharged my batteries.
    I admit I don't take much time for myself. I don't have hobbies etc so it's hard to find something. I don't like spending money on myself either. I want DS to be happy.
    I have three cherubs (youngest is 4 months) and I just wing it. No one really knows what they are doing lol. I'm a lot better mum third time round and I bet you are a lot better at being a mum than you give yourself credit for. Toddlers and preschoolers are harder than babies I reckon..hang in there xx

  11. #39
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    hi hasselhoff. if I may come back again. You mentioned diet for you little one, I was told that if there is an intolerance for a food item, eg gluten, or dairy, it can take a few weeks for the effect to wear off. So if you take the path of changing diets, and cutting out stuff, be prepared for a longish withdrawal time frame. Some changes might be quick, but most will take some time for there to be a behaviour change. I feel sad to see you say ' I dread every day" . I hope you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Each one of us has been through similar battles, so I am sure you will find your way. hugs, marie.

  12. #40
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    Another gem - linked from Maggie Dent's Facebook page

    http://www.regardingbaby.org/#article/886


 

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