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  1. #1
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    Default Do you wait until 12 weeks to tell people your expecting

    This is my 7th pregnancy . I have never waited till 12 weeks to let anyone know and we have lost 3. We are 5 weeks and our last baby was ectopic and at the moment they are not sure where this baby is either. My husband doesn't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks and says that everyone else does this so why can't I. But I have no support network right now and I'm completely stressinf out and while I love my husband and we talk about everything I feel like he doesn't get what I'm going through as a pregnant woman right now and am dying to talk to someone lol but that means they get told about it. How does everyone get through the 12 weeks with only the husband knowing lol

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    My thought is if you would tell the people you lost the pregnancy anyway then tell them.
    I've had 13 pregnancies. I have 2 wonderful DD's and I'm 14 weeks now with our third. I had not much say this time as the kids announced it at 6 weeks lol.

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    HillDweller  (21-06-2016),Missyswannie1  (21-06-2016)

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    We can tell 1 friend each but keep it quiet to family and other friends. I find I need someone else to calm my stress sometimes but our families are weird. DH's mum was devastated when we had our first mc, was not supportive (she thought she was) and asked very inappropriate questions. My parents are very negative and tell me not to get excited as we will probably have a mc. So we just keep it to ourselves

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    Yeah see I would tell people I haven't really ever understood why you wouldn't but I'm not a very private person and I don't really keep to myself if I'm down about something whereas my husband is like that

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    I have always told a couple of close friends straight away, but asked them to keep it to themselves. With our 3rd preg I told ds and dd and when we lost the pregnancy one of the hardest things for me was telling them. It broke my heart. I had 2 more miscarriages after that and only told the close friends. We then had 2 more successful pregnancies and just recently (last week) another miscarriage. I think having a female friend to talk to is helpful and if you'd tell them of a miscarriage, it's no trouble

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    Quote Originally Posted by Csemm View Post
    We can tell 1 friend each but keep it quiet to family and other friends. I find I need someone else to calm my stress sometimes but our families are weird. DH's mum was devastated when we had our first mc, was not supportive (she thought she was) and asked very inappropriate questions. My parents are very negative and tell me not to get excited as we will probably have a mc. So we just keep it to ourselves
    @Csemm when i had my first MMC my mother was also devastated. To the point where I had to suppress my own feelings so we could all help her cope. She thought she was supportive and was instead the complete opposite. She would ring me and tell me about songs on the radio that made her cry and how hard this all was for her.
    I ended up bottling everything up for a couple of months before finally having my well earned meltdown.
    Sorry your parents aren't supportive though

  9. #7
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    Yes @giveitago this is exactly what she was like. I had a mmc too and needed a d&c, she asked me so many inappropriate questions about what it was like and what the exact procedure is. I'm sorry you had to go through that too.

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    We have changed when we shared our news each time. 1st pregnancy nobody knew, not even parents, ended in mmc at 12.5wks. Pregnancy 2 & 3 we shared with parents after early scan at 6ish weeks but sadly Preg #3 also ended in mmc later on. Pref #4 we shared with parents at 10wks

    Sharing with everybody else, dd was after our 20wk scan, ds was 15-16wks as I just couldn't hide him at easter

    I am such a private person and I really did need the time to grieve my 2 angels on my own without having to answer any awkward questions no matter how well meaning they were.
    Good luck x

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    With DS1 my ex MIL knew straight away as we were living with her.

    My second pregnancy my sister and DS1 (he was 16). It was IVF and resulted in a mmc

    With DS2 I told my sister and DS1 straight away - he was 17 and we were doing IVF so he knew what was going on anyway.

    With belly Bub (DS3) my sister knew straight away as she was the one to convince me to do a hpt (long story). I then told DS1 and my mum. We told others after the harmony test was all clear at 10 weeks.

    I think if you need someone to festers with besides your DH then he needs to respect that.

  12. #10
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    Have you joined a Due In Group? That can be a good compromise, you get an anonymous outlet with people who absolutely know what you're going through, but it can stay private in "real life".

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