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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I don't if you read any of my posts earlier in this thread.

    Phones I pads and headphones are common tools used for people with a huge variety of disorders both visible and invisible in social situations. There use is no more rude than a wheelchair or a hearing aid.
    Please be very careful calling it rude. As mum of 4 kids with invisible disorders that use such tools I can get a bit touchy about it when some one has a go at my kids for being rude when they are just trying to make it through the social event.
    Obviously I'm not talking about children with disorders. My cousin uses one in social situations because he is Autistic.

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    Obviously I'm not talking about children with disorders. My cousin uses one in social situations because he is Autistic.
    So you're just passing judgement on everyone else then?

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I agree that there is a time and place... but funny that my idea of a time/ place is the opposite of yours. My kids arent allowed to use the ipads at home, and I intentionally chose a school that doesnt use ipads in the lower grades. Our ipads are for loooong car trips, dr's offices, and restaurants. I find they come in so handy at these times. I dont want my kids sitting around on them at home, but am happy for them to be used as a tool in situations where my kids can get bored, tired, grumpy, and have meltdowns.
    Im glad our daughters school doesn't use them till year 3 too. Whatever works for you is great, but I personally think children need to learn how to act appropriately in certain situations rather than sit in front of a screen. Not to say they wouldn't be a god send on a long car trip or long wait at a drs office. I don't like the idea of them at a table at a restaurant but then I understand some people don't have the luxury if babysitters so is their only chance at a nice quiet meal with their spouse/ partner. I'm simply speaking from my own personal situation. When I said social events earlier my main thought was family get together, parties etc where the whole purpose is to socialise 😊

  4. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    So you're just passing judgement on everyone else then?
    Oh please. I'm not allowed an opinion. I've clarified in my above post. Now who is being judgmental?

  5. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    Im glad our daughters school doesn't use them till year 3 too. Whatever works for you is great, but I personally think children need to learn how to act appropriately in certain situations rather than sit in front of a screen. Not to say they wouldn't be a god send on a long car trip or long wait at a drs office. I don't like the idea of them at a table at a restaurant but then I understand some people don't have the luxury if babysitters so is their only chance at a nice quiet meal with their spouse/ partner. I'm simply speaking from my own personal situation. When I said social events earlier my main thought was family get together, parties etc where the whole purpose is to socialise 😊
    I agree in teaching kids to act appropriately in social situations, I guess we all just have our own way about going about it I dont allow my kids to run around in restaurants, I expext them to sit at the table & behave appropriately. We usually have sticker books, some toys, etc, and there are times we have used the ipad. Last year before christmas, we had 6 nights straight of christmas events, most at restaurants. Some family, others workplaces, etc. My kids who are usually in bed by 7, had 6 nights straight of sitting out in a restaurant until 10pm. So by the 4th, 5th, 6th night in a row, sure I had the ipads out for them. They were tired,grumpy and over it. They were sooo way beyond 'sit here and play wih a sticker book'. It was not the right time for me to be training them to be screen-less in a restaurant, or to be 'social', it was just about getting through the evening! Just trying to highlight that parents who use a screen probably do it for a reason. Tired kids,SPD, family circumstances - if a screen enables a parent to have a peaceful night out, I dont see a problem with it.

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  7. #116
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    I don't know that anyone would expect their kids to behave in a restaurant until 10pm 6 nights in a row, though? We wouldn't all go in those circumstances. We'd take turns going, and hire babysitters etc. When our kids were younger we'd do more of a 6pm dinner, and be done at 8.30pm. We'd only stay later if we were somewhere where the kids could run around (like a backyard party etc).

  8. #117
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    Eek! I didn't mean for this thread to upset people. My children are young so I'm just trying to learn from other parents.

    I don't judge people for giving their kids iPads. As in I don't think they're being bad or lazy parents and I don't think this is going to adversely affect their kids. We all make parenting decisions and that's theirs.

    I think it needs to be understood, though, that this is one of those decisions where, when exercised when kids are socialising with each other, affects the parenting decisions of other people. That's not a judgment, that's a fact.

    If you have six kids who are friends at a social event and five parents have brought an 'emergency ipad', you can guarantee that as soon as one parent brings it out, the other four will come out, and there'll be one kid left on their own. What you've done as the parent, is brought in an entertainment device that can only be used by your child. It's different in that way to cards, board games, jenga, connect 4 (or whatever) in that it's an activity that can't be shared.

    The effect of this is that the parents of the kid who was left out are going to have to buy them an iPad. That's regardless of monetary concerns or how they feel about screens, or whether they think it's the right time to bring the screens out.

    So some of this is not necessarily judgment, but more frustration that they now have to make a parenting decision they didn't want to make.

    And yep, we'll have to get over it if this is just life now, but it doesn't mean it's not a little frustrating and disappointing.

    And to be clear, I'm not talking about parents of kids with conditions that make it difficult to socialise.

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  10. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Eek! I didn't mean for this thread to upset people. My children are young so I'm just trying to learn from other parents.

    I don't judge people for giving their kids iPads. As in I don't think they're being bad or lazy parents and I don't think this is going to adversely affect their kids. We all make parenting decisions and that's theirs.

    I think it needs to be understood, though, that this is one of those decisions where, when exercised when kids are socialising with each other, affects the parenting decisions of other people. That's not a judgment, that's a fact.

    If you have six kids who are friends at a social event and five parents have brought an 'emergency ipad', you can guarantee that as soon as one parent brings it out, the other four will come out, and there'll be one kid left on their own. What you've done as the parent, is brought in an entertainment device that can only be used by your child. It's different in that way to cards, board games, jenga, connect 4 (or whatever) in that it's an activity that can't be shared.

    The effect of this is that the parents of the kid who was left out are going to have to buy them an iPad. That's regardless of monetary concerns or how they feel about screens, or whether they think it's the right time to bring the screens out.

    So some of this is not necessarily judgment, but more frustration that they now have to make a parenting decision they didn't want to make.

    And yep, we'll have to get over it if this is just life now, but it doesn't mean it's not a little frustrating and disappointing.

    And to be clear, I'm not talking about parents of kids with conditions that make it difficult to socialise.
    I guess it's just your choice what parenting decisions you make - I personally think as a parent I NEVER 'have' to make a parenting decision based on 'everyone else is doing it'. I make my own choices based on what I feel is right for my kids. I would just make sure you have back ups at a restaurant instead of depending on the other kids to be playing with yours - eg, sticker books & colouring in he can sit at the table with next to you.

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  12. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I guess it's just your choice what parenting decisions you make - I personally think as a parent I NEVER 'have' to make a parenting decision based on 'everyone else is doing it'. I make my own choices based on what I feel is right for my kids. I would just make sure you have back ups at a restaurant instead of depending on the other kids to be playing with yours - eg, sticker books & colouring in he can sit at the table with next to you.
    Really though, your only other choice is one that will result in your kid feeling like an outcast.

    My husband went to a park the other day and the only other kids there were primary school aged, all sitting under the play equipment playing with their parents' phones. There was one hold out whose child was standing in front of her crying and begging for her phone. The mother ended up giving her the phone. It was clearly either that or they leave.

  13. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Really though, your only other choice is one that will result in your kid feeling like an outcast.

    My husband went to a park the other day and the only other kids there were primary school aged, all sitting under the play equipment playing with their parents' phones. There was one hold out whose child was standing in front of her crying and begging for her phone. The mother ended up giving her the phone. It was clearly either that or they leave.
    Oh thats sad seeing them on phones out at the park. My kids looooove active play, so wouldnt think of a device at a park, but if they did, I would just say to my kids 'we are here to play on the playground. If you dont want to play, we will go home'. I think it is such an important lesson to teach your kids that they dont have to follow the crowd. Not doing what everyone else is doing doesnt make you an 'outcast'. For example, when I was a teen,I was the only one not taking drugs at a party on numerous occasions. Im glad my parents taught me that it's OK to be different.

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