+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 28 of 28
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    6,866
    Thanks
    4,773
    Thanked
    4,210
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by MilkyMama View Post
    Ever heard this quote: A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. My best friend told me that a few years back and just this morning she was reminding me how stressed I was about my house after DD was born seven years ago. Well I'm not like that this time round! I honestly feel like I wasted years of my life worrying about the house... Anyway might be a bit hard to express that sort of stuff to him at the moment but just thought I'd share. Your relationship and your children are so much more important than a clean house.
    agree with you but I don't think the OP's husband is choosing to be like this. it sounds like it's a combination of being a bit anal to begin with and maybe stress or some other trigger has exacerbated his OCD tendencies. I agree it's probably not normal to freak out about a bit of fluff on the floor etc and it's obviously becoming an issue if it's impacting on relationships with ds etc.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (18-06-2016),VicPark  (18-06-2016)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    Thanks I am more than happy to wait a year to discuss it again I think it just really gets to me when he is so vocally against it now, every time we have a hard day he says '...and you want another one?!' Or '2 kids are more than enough' Etc. He seems to be getting more and more against the idea each day. I try to ignore it but it hurts as he knows that's not how I feel right now.

    He keeps making references to overseas holidays and how he would prefer that than another child.

    I think it's his attitude combined with his apparent negativity surrounding parental duties which he avoids like the plague. I do everything during the week (fair enough I am on maternity leave) but even on wknds he sees the kids as a chore. He would rather be playing golf etc. He is currently having a whinge about taking DS1 to sport instead of seeing it as an opportunity for quality time with his son. I am not sure if this will change?? I can't say anything to him he just gets defensive as he doesn't see it that way.

    I wouldn't be cranky at him for not wanting more kids yet. That's not an attitude, it's just a different (and valid) view to yours. I for one can relate to his desire to be able to take overseas holidays. I have two kids and I want to be able to have the $$ and time to expose them to wonderful overseas experiences. Not knocking people with many kids that don't travel, that's just the way I feel.

    As for the negative view of parenting duties - I'm not necessarily saying it's the case however maybe your DH feels that between work and home he doesn't get much spare time to himself (like you no doubt!). Maybe in his time at home he feels nagged at. Add to that being very tired from having a newborn and he's probably not performing at his best.

    I really think you have to drop the subject for now and give your hubby a little slack and time to ease into having 2 kids. If my hubby had pushed for a third kid when my youngest was 3 months I would have told him to nick off.

  4. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    harvs  (18-06-2016),KitiK  (18-06-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (18-06-2016),sunnygirl79  (18-06-2016)

  5. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    5,747
    Thanks
    3,825
    Thanked
    3,655
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Thanks for all the replies definitely some food for thought. As if he read my mind he looked after both kids today while I went to yoga (and managed to vacuum the house while I was gone too) and he was actually happy when I came home (instead of stressed as usually is the case).

    I will try talk to him about his stress it's hard because blokes are so 'I am not stressed I am fine' etc. he does know he needs to be more patient with DS1 so I will use the angle that we both need to work on our patience and go from there.

    Agree with all comments re his OCD tendencies are probably worse because he isn't getting as much down time, is the sole income earner and had to spend weekends doing chores rather than 'fun' stuff. It's something we both need to work on and adjust to (again) - I just seem to be better at adjusting this time (as apposed to when DS1 was born) where as he isn't.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to sunnygirl79 For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (18-06-2016)

  7. #24
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    3,942
    Thanks
    691
    Thanked
    2,297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Tell your DH to stop talking about it as it's upsetting you and you will both keep an open mind till the first birthday.
    I agree with this.

    I do think that you should wait a bit before more serious discussions but if you are not to talk about another child right now then he should stop with his comments as well.

    So maybe sit him down. Tell him that you will drop the subject for now but he also needs to stop any comments as well.

    Hopefully it will all settle in a few months. Lots of hugs.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (18-06-2016)

  9. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    479
    Thanks
    204
    Thanked
    166
    Reviews
    0
    I also think it's the old 'anxiety - control' thing happening. Cleaning the house is something he can control, where he feels out of control with the kids and probably the financial pressure. Maybe he's missing his freedom and down-time playing golf etc. Can you combine the kids with some of the stuff he likes to do??? Ie. go fishing together or something?! Focus on what you have rather than what you might have in the future

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Fi Poledancer For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (18-06-2016)

  11. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    5,747
    Thanks
    3,825
    Thanked
    3,655
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Fi Poledancer View Post
    I also think it's the old 'anxiety - control' thing happening. Cleaning the house is something he can control, where he feels out of control with the kids and probably the financial pressure. Maybe he's missing his freedom and down-time playing golf etc. Can you combine the kids with some of the stuff he likes to do??? Ie. go fishing together or something?! Focus on what you have rather than what you might have in the future
    Not entirely sure re the cleaning as he has always been like this to an extent. It's just that now he gets more stressed if it isn't done and it seems to take priority (it's not like our house is a pig sty and in desperate need of attention!).

    I do need to try have an open honest discussion with him though. If only because I am concerned how visibly stressed he appears if we aren't on top of cleaning etc. It won't be the first time I have raised the issue, but I think he is worse since DS2 arrived, probably because he can't rely on me to keep on top of things atm.

  12. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    Not entirely sure re the cleaning as he has always been like this to an extent. It's just that now he gets more stressed if it isn't done and it seems to take priority (it's not like our house is a pig sty and in desperate need of attention!).

    I do need to try have an open honest discussion with him though. If only because I am concerned how visibly stressed he appears if we aren't on top of cleaning etc. It won't be the first time I have raised the issue, but I think he is worse since DS2 arrived, probably because he can't rely on me to keep on top of things atm.
    As someone who has been teehee with the cleaning OCD thing - at times when you feel you have little control in your life is when you seek to have more control (OCD) over things like cleaning.

  13. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,839
    Thanks
    6,199
    Thanked
    16,883
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    As someone who has been teehee with the cleaning OCD thing - at times when you feel you have little control in your life is when you seek to have more control (OCD) over things like cleaning.
    Yep, I find the order and control of a clean house relaxing. Comforting. On the flipside mess for me means a lack of order and control. Mine stems from my childhood I believe, where I had neither in my life.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Feeling resentful
    By KitiK in forum Dealing with anger
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 14-06-2016, 19:57
  2. C-section due to back injury - feeling guilty.
    By gingermillie in forum Caesareans
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 29-07-2015, 16:09
  3. Resentful of DP
    By anonanon15 in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 19-07-2015, 21:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!