I wouldn't be cranky at him for not wanting more kids yet. That's not an attitude, it's just a different (and valid) view to yours. I for one can relate to his desire to be able to take overseas holidays. I have two kids and I want to be able to have the $$ and time to expose them to wonderful overseas experiences. Not knocking people with many kids that don't travel, that's just the way I feel.
As for the negative view of parenting duties - I'm not necessarily saying it's the case however maybe your DH feels that between work and home he doesn't get much spare time to himself (like you no doubt!). Maybe in his time at home he feels nagged at. Add to that being very tired from having a newborn and he's probably not performing at his best.
I really think you have to drop the subject for now and give your hubby a little slack and time to ease into having 2 kids. If my hubby had pushed for a third kid when my youngest was 3 months I would have told him to nick off.
Thanks for all the replies definitely some food for thought. As if he read my mind he looked after both kids today while I went to yoga (and managed to vacuum the house while I was gone too) and he was actually happy when I came home (instead of stressed as usually is the case).
I will try talk to him about his stress it's hard because blokes are so 'I am not stressed I am fine' etc. he does know he needs to be more patient with DS1 so I will use the angle that we both need to work on our patience and go from there.
Agree with all comments re his OCD tendencies are probably worse because he isn't getting as much down time, is the sole income earner and had to spend weekends doing chores rather than 'fun' stuff. It's something we both need to work on and adjust to (again) - I just seem to be better at adjusting this time (as apposed to when DS1 was born) where as he isn't.
I do think that you should wait a bit before more serious discussions but if you are not to talk about another child right now then he should stop with his comments as well.
So maybe sit him down. Tell him that you will drop the subject for now but he also needs to stop any comments as well.
Hopefully it will all settle in a few months. Lots of hugs.
I also think it's the old 'anxiety - control' thing happening. Cleaning the house is something he can control, where he feels out of control with the kids and probably the financial pressure. Maybe he's missing his freedom and down-time playing golf etc. Can you combine the kids with some of the stuff he likes to do??? Ie. go fishing together or something?! Focus on what you have rather than what you might have in the future
I do need to try have an open honest discussion with him though. If only because I am concerned how visibly stressed he appears if we aren't on top of cleaning etc. It won't be the first time I have raised the issue, but I think he is worse since DS2 arrived, probably because he can't rely on me to keep on top of things atm.
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