I know this is drastic but is it worth just saying to her that either she comes to counselling with you or you'll get yourself a vasectomy. Have you told her that you do definitely want children in the future? Maybe she's worried that 'not now' really means never?
I would stop having s.e.x with your partner for now if you don't want to have baby atm. As for the rest, counseling together or/and on your own to help sort through what's going on. Doesn't sound healthy to me. It seems like you are doing your best to get ahead in your career and provide for your daughter which is a positive. It does sound like your partner is suffering but doesn't want or feel ready to try and tackle it. Best of luck
I am sure you know this, but just in case you don't, even using the withdrawal method can result in her falling pregnant; there can be sperm in pre ejaculation.
You seem to be at the end of your rope. You mentioned not wanting your daughter to grow up without two parents who have stayed together, (completely understandable, it's what we all want) but I think she could endure much greater damage growing up with two parents who just resent one another.
It feels as though she maybe has post natal depression, but has a very distinct desire to still have another child for whatever reason; her own experiences with loneliness she doesn't want to replicate for your daughter, wanting your daughter to have someone to rely on, needing unconditional love herself, whatever the reason.
That being said, you absolutely have the right to do and go with what you want.
If she only goes out places with you take her out one day and straight to the GP. Don't say why you are going (or lie even). When you get there tell them you are worried she has PND. There is a survey they can do which can rule it out or identify it as a possibility.
Make sure you have input as well if she is lying about her emotions and downplaying behaviours.
It sounds like she really needs to hear that she is being unreasonable from another source, but the GP is probably as close as you will get to her 'seeing someone'.
If the survey doesn't support a PND diagnosis then, while still at the GP tell them you want to talk about contraception options for yourself. Withdrawal is not a reliable method and, given her frame of mind, she's likely to get on top and refuse to get off one day. You need to take control of the contraception situation.
I also agree that you should start seeing someone yourself anyhow. You have a lot on your plate and these aren't really the things guys bring up with each other over a beer. A GP can put you onto a care plan for discounted psychologist sessions if the cost is an issue.
Tiny Dancer (17-06-2016)
Honestly I see all of this as a form of domestic violence, what you have written is very concerning. If it was a women writing this or your sister saying that her partner is doing this you would tell her to leave.
I would start preparing to leave. You and your daughter deserve to live better
Sorry for being blunt but I hate seeing men out in these types of positions. And you can only help someone if they want the help
MrDad1 Yes, I agree, imagine if it was a man cutting up his wifes contraceptive pills or refusing to wear a condom! And what is the deal with the police? She lied to them and said you smashed the car window?? You're having to defend it in court, is she still sticking with the story that it was you? That IS extremely concerning and I would not be able to live with someone who is behaving like that. You deserve a loving respectful relationship.
Really there is NOTHING wrong with a child being brought up by separated parents as long as they still provide a loving and stable environment. It happens all the time. My parents separated when I was 9, they were much happier pursuing separate lives which is much better than a toxic, forced relationship.
Please leave . You are experiencing domestic violence and it's so important that you get support for this . Please know there is help avail.
I wish you well
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