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  1. #11
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    Just curious: have you thought about whether you'd want to use an egg donor, or would you be comfortable using your own eggs? If you were really keen and were comfortable using your own eggs, there would probably be couples more than happy to do AI with you, without clinic involvement. This could be really messy and comolicated though.. both emotionally and legally. You'd need to consider the legal position re handing over the baby, and who were considered the parents.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by pennycakes View Post
    every woman who is childless by choice has to hear that every time she tells people. no, I'm not going to change my mind. I have no maternal drive, I don't get clucky. I don't really enjoy being around children (exceptions being a few friends' kids, in small doses).
    You are only 31! Surely as a doctor you realise people develop and change as they get older? If you did a quick straw poll on BH about when people first felt clucky you would get a very broad range of responses.

    What is the rest of your life like? Family? Friends? Partner?

  3. #13
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    I want to preface by saying this was MY experience and I'm not at all saying it will or should be your experience.

    Admittedly, I was younger than you, but I never wanted children. At all. Even as a child, I had very focused, selfish life plans, and children would not have fitted in to the equation.
    However, I was willing to help a family member by being a surrogate if it came to that (she didn't end up needing to go down that path).
    Like you, I had no maternal desire and I thought it would have been mentally easy for me to do...

    Then I had an unplanned pregnancy. The overwhelming maternal instinct that kicked in immediately was surprising. Suddenly I was willing to completely cast my plans aside to be a sahm and completely devote my time to my child.
    If I were to be a surrogate now, I would understand the feelings I may have and be better prepared. In my opinion, I don't think this is something that you could grasp without having gone through it.

    On another note, your reason for wanting to be a surrogate is questionable. You want to do it to better relate with patients. What about wanting to fulfill another's desire for a family? Surely that would be the motivation for surrogates to get through the pregnancy?

    Anyway, it's all a mute point, isn't it? Given most FS's wouldn't touch you without having had a a healthy pregnancy and birth already.

  4. #14
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    OP, I've never been a surrogate so I can't relate to that I'm sorry. I think that's a lovely thing you're considering to do for someone but I'm your age & I didn't realise how much mothering instinct being pregnant & having a baby would bring out in me.

    We tried for a long time to have our dd & had a lot of struggles to have her. Although I wanted a baby I've never been a particular clucky person & have always been very career driven. And I was never really doting over friends kids. When I had dd I just had this real instinctive protective feeling. I wasn't expecting to feel that way & wouldn't let the grandparents take her for an hour or so like they wanted to do when she was first born. It would've hurt me to be away from my baby.

    Anyway I know everyone feels different but I'm just trying to say that your feelings with a lot of hormones in there might surprise you. It would be horrible if you felt the same way as I did then had to hand the baby over.

    Also before pregnancy I was very healthy & worked out etc but I had a lot of troubles during pregnancy. My blood pressure at one point got so high I was at risk of having a stroke. Thank goodness they got it down but it doesn't always end up that way as you'd know.

    Again I know everyone is different but I don't believe that just because you have had a baby/experienced pregnancy that it makes you a better doctor. When I look for a doctor I don't even consider if they have had kids etc, I just want someone who's understanding & competent at what they do.

    Good luck. If it is what you truly want then it's absolutely lovely you may be helping a couple to have a child. I remember reading the journeys of other ladies on here who have been surrogates & I'm sure they would be willing to talk to you about it. I'm pretty sure if you're in Australia though that there would be pretty strict guide lines which may include counselling & finishing your own family first. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

  5. #15
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    Considering ive only had male obs for my pregnancies, clearly someone looking after me who had not been pregnant themselves was not a requirement. And this is the same for many other woman.

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Tinkers For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (17-06-2016),Ngaiz  (17-06-2016),Once Upon a Time  (17-06-2016),VicPark  (17-06-2016)

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustJaq View Post
    Just curious: have you thought about whether you'd want to use an egg donor, or would you be comfortable using your own eggs? If you were really keen and were comfortable using your own eggs, there would probably be couples more than happy to do AI with you
    Either situation would be fine for me, however my eggs have never been fertilised (as far as I'm aware!) so who knows maybe I have dodgy egg stock on board!

    I'd also be totally fine with donating my eggs.

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You are only 31! Surely as a doctor you realise people develop and change as they get older? If you did a quick straw poll on BH about when people first felt clucky you would get a very broad range of responses.

    What is the rest of your life like? Family? Friends? Partner?
    As I said, as I've grown older it's reinforced why I don't want kids! I definitely understand that people's biological clocks tick louder for some as they get older. Kids just don't factor in to my life goals. There are many things I'd like to achieve, and children would be a massive hindrance (sorry, I know that sounds very harsh to people who want children so badly).

    Rest of my life involves a partner, two cats, and friends. I don't have any siblings, but I'm a fake Auntie to friends' kids.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkers View Post
    Considering ive only had male obs for my pregnancies, clearly someone looking after me who had not been pregnant themselves was not a requirement. And this is the same for many other woman.
    oh absolutely. for what it's worth, neither Obs & Gynae nor Paeds are on my radar for future careers!

  10. #19
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    I think you will find it extremely hard to find a fs to support this. I know many clinics in australia will not allow a woman to be a surrogate if she has not had a pregnancy herself and to also be a surrogate using their own eggs. Being a doctor op, im sure you are aware of this?

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  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Then I had an unplanned pregnancy. The overwhelming maternal instinct that kicked in immediately was surprising.

    On another note, your reason for wanting to be a surrogate is questionable. You want to do it to better relate with patients. What about wanting to fulfill another's desire for a family? Surely that would be the motivation for surrogates to get through the pregnancy?
    I guess the difference for you was that it was your child? This wouldn't be my child, at all. Even if it were my eggs used, it would always be someone else's child.

    I recognise that my motives seem very flippant for those who want pregnancy so much. Of course there is also the motive to help others meet their goals, it's just not the only motivation.


 

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