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  1. #1
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    Default Becoming a surrogate despite no prior pregnancy?

    Hello future parents!

    I am a 31yo woman interested in being a surrogate, but I have no previous pregnancies. I'm not interested in having my own family.

    Do any of you have experience of using a surrogate with no previous pregnancies?

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    why do you want to be a surrogate?

    its certainly unusual .. and not recommended so a lot would depend on your reasons for doing so

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    I honestly don't know why you would want to? Pregnancy does ruin (whether for some people it be small or big) your body a little bit. If I didn't want children I also wouldn't want to be pregnant.

    There are also risks when having children. It's a lot better now but people still die and have all sorts of complications in pregnancy and childbirth. It's something I think you need to go and speak to a doctor about and do your research to be honest.

    On top of all that you would be surprised at the emotions you feel after having a baby. When you haven't had one before it'd be unexpected.. you'd have to be able to let the baby go... I really wouldn't recommend it based off just this fact along with all the others I've stated.

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    For a bit of context, I'm a junior doctor so am (relatively) well versed in what can go wrong in pregnancy and birth. I've seen my fair share of complicated pregnancies and births, and previously worked in NICU. So I'm not entirely naive.

    I've never wanted a family, and this as only solidified as I've grown older. Being an auntie is great, but being a mum is not for me. I understand the horror stories of surrogates refusing to give up children, but honestly wouldn't anticipate it would happen to me.

    So why am I interested? I've always been curious to experience pregnancy, partly to be able to empathise with my patients better. It seems like a win-win situation for someone who is trying to have their own family.

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    So you see it as an experiment to see how you would feel when pregnant ?

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    Working with pregnant ladies and being pregnant yourself are completely different, as im sure you are fully aware of as you are a doctor. I think a huge concern is that you have no idea how you are going to feel being pregnant for the 1st time and it is not actually your baby that you are carrying. It will be one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. Where are you located op as im not sure if its even something a fertility doctor would allow??

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    You're still a young spring chicken. Maybe there's a chance you will change your mind about a family in the next few years.

    Do you have a partner? If not, if there is any chance existing voids in your life are impacting your desire to be a surrogate, please see a counsellor before progressing. Surrogacy can be a very complex thing and it's been known to mess with some very strong women on Bub-hub who became surrogates.

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    My partner and I recently looked into this because we were going to attempt to help some dear friends. I'm currently pregnant so the plan was for my partner to act as a surrogate for them once our bub is born. We called around to fertility clinics in Sydney and the answer is no. They want you to have already had a healthy pregnancy that resulted in a a heathy baby. It's a prerequisite and one my partner didn't meet as she has not been pregnant before.

    There was one clinic who said they would consider it depending on the length of time we had known the intended parents which for us is many, many years but still our own FS was baffled by that and said global practice says all surrogates should have had at least one healthy pregnancy and have finished their own family so we have followed his guidance instead.

    We understood the reasoning and accepted it but obviously we were sad that we couldn't offer our friends any help but honestly it makes sense. They need to know how your body will handle it and more importantly you need to know what you are getting yourself into.

    Obviously I admire people who become surrogates because I have seen firsthand how much it can help someone but I'm not sure your motives for doing this would be deemed reasonable when you go through the counselling process. Might be worth discussing but I'm surprised that your driver is not wanting to help people or because you have been exposed to the world of fertility issues but more so you can get to experience what it's like to be pregnant without having to start a family. Don't get me wrong, your honesty is refreshing but I'm just not sure a counsellor would be thrilled with that response.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You're still a young spring chicken. Maybe there's a chance you will change your mind about a family in the next few years..
    every woman who is childless by choice has to hear that every time she tells people. no, I'm not going to change my mind. I have no maternal drive, I don't get clucky. I don't really enjoy being around children (exceptions being a few friends' kids, in small doses).

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    Quote Originally Posted by TortoiseNotTheHare View Post
    I'm not sure your motives for doing this would be deemed reasonable when you go through the counselling process. Might be worth discussing but I'm surprised that your driver is not wanting to help people or because you have been exposed to the world of fertility issues but more so you can get to experience what it's like to be pregnant without having to start a family. Don't get me wrong, your honesty is refreshing but I'm just not sure a counsellor would be thrilled with that response.
    That's fair, I appreciate your honesty too. That's why I asked, so thank you for your insight.


 

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