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  1. #21
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    While I agree with @Moxy I also understand @sunny79. If that's the way your circle operates and everyone knows a secret isn't a secret.

    My best friend has been my closest friend since I was 12. I agree she knows way more about me than DH would (or would want to ).

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    I never assumed that but after reading this thread I certainly won't be so naïve! My best friend is single so I guess it's not something I'm overly concerned about but I wouldn't "expect" that she would tell her partner something I've told her in strict confidence even if she wasn't single.



    I agree with this completely.



    I note that you say you would tell your husband if it was a secret so he knew not to blab if you were divulging a secret to him that you had been told. Do you not see the irony in this?

    And I have plenty of secrets, things about me that my husband doesn't know. Being married doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my own life, thoughts and feelings. I don't share absolutely everything with him. I have no particular preference what other people do but assuming people would be comfortable with your husband knowing something they'd told you in confidence is very presumptuous.

    And I share plenty of things with my husband. Friend's secrets aren't one of them. The definition of a secret is that it's not something that's shared, life partner or not.

    And as a side note, I've known my closest friend twice as long as I've known my husband. She knows more about me than he does. Chances are she'll outlive him (statistically) so I suppose she's more my life partner than he is!
    Re irony - no I don't. As I stated earlier, my closest friends would assume if they tell me a secret I tell my DH, and vice versa. We've all been friends for over 20 years and know each other's husbands well. It's just the kind of relationship we have, that's the way our friendships work and have worked for decades. It's my opinion on my friendships and marriage. No irony at all 😊

  3. #23
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    And I have known my best friend way longer than my husband (over 33 years verses about 10 years), but still see my husband as the one I share my life, and everything in it, with. I guess it's different for everyone.

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    sunnyflower  (16-06-2016)

  5. #24
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    I don't view a friend's secret as me keeping secrets from my husband.

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    Moxy  (16-06-2016),Ngaiz  (16-06-2016)

  7. #25
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    I would be hurt if I confided in a friend and she told her husband.

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  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    And I have known my best friend way longer than my husband (over 33 years verses about 10 years), but still see my husband as the one I share my life, and everything in it, with. I guess it's different for everyone.
    Same. I've known my childhood best friend since I was 7 (I'm 38), but DP is the one I confide in. I've told him some of my deepest darkest secrets (not all though, I can keep some things to myself). We talk about anything and I will keep any secrets he tells to myself.

  10. #27
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    Nope. I don't tell him anything. None of his business.

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    I don't tell my DH things that I've been told in confidence, but he tells me.

    Recently one of his friends told me something in confidence, and I as usual kept it to myself. About a week later the same friend mentioned it to DH and was surprised he didn't already know. DH was grumpy I didn't tell him.... But as I said to him. Not my personal business to tell. Especially as it was quite a personal issue that also involved his partner - so really it was two peoples secret.

  12. #29
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    Dp has told me stuff that he has said has to be kept strictly between us, and honestly I wish he wouldn't, I feel uncomfortable knowing the info and thinking about the fact that the other person has told them something in confidence and they aren't aware that I know too. He has also told me stuff about his friends that although it wasn't told to him in confidence, they might feel uncomfortable knowing that now I know too. But he just can't help himself, I'm his sounding board.
    Myself I don't really get told much private info, a few confidential things at work, but unless it involved him or was effecting me badly somehow I wouldn't tell.

  13. #30
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    I tell my husband but it's known I do. Though honestly, (and as harsh as this may sound) I don't value friendships as much as I should. I never had friends growing up and to be "friends" with someone was a very temporary arrangement and I never had any for more than 12 months (a mix of moving yearly, social anxiety, parents that were incredibly strict) so I am generally not the person that people confide in. I don't have a best friend that I tell my secrets to and vice versa. The closest I come to that is strangers on the net. My husband is my best friend. Well and truly, not just a cliche.


 

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